Stay Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 My gf of 7 years broke up with me for lack of affection, she just felt like I didn't love her because I had a difficult time showing affection or just not noticing that I didn't do something. I understand where she's coming from and that's not me.. I just need to find a balance and not focus too much on something that it'll affect my relationship, school specifically. Anyways fast forward to a few months later. We've spend time together and enjoy each other's company and she tells me she has so much fun and see what I want to change and do but afraid it might not be permanent and that's why she doesn't want to jump into it. She feels we're to comfortable around each other and that's why we want to go back to what's comfortable. She also tells me she has good feelings somedays and other days she'll want to deny them because she's scared to go back into it to get hurt again. The other day she told me that she wants us to have time apart and alone to reevaluate ourselves.. She wants to see how it's like without me and only then she can make her decision because she don't think it'll be possible if I'm around. She wants to be sure about it. She wants me to be sure I really want her and not want her back because I'm comfortable. This is very scary but I'm willing to do it to know and possibly get back with her. Any opinions or advices on this?
hinatticus Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Give her the space and use this time to really focus on yourself. Look deep into yourself and find things YOU want to change and stick with it. Time needs to go by so that your changes become permanent. Really practice what you learn. It's one thing to know the things you want to change and it's another to actually implement the changes. If your ex truly loves you she'll be back, and if not you've become a better person for your next relationship. My ex had the same fear, that my changes weren't going to be permanent. She eventually realized that I was serious and now we're trying again. She's even making changes and we are both serious about making this NEW relationship stronger. I've been in counseling for a year and she's just started hers. We have couples counseling lined up for next Monday as well. She even wants to start a journal together so that we can share our thoughts and whatnot. The key though, is to act like she's never coming back. Grieve like she's gone and then move on. Good luck.
Author Stay Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) I try and that's the difficult part but I am trying. I should also mentioned we're finishing off our lease, only another month.. How should I be during the last month? I just enjoy my time with her doing whatever and act pretty normal. Also she still texts me. I usually just text back. Apart from what is happening everything feels normal. I'm just trying to not make it difficult than it is by making living together awkward. The contact thing is confusing.. As most of the time I don't contact her but she contacts me so I just reply back. I know that not contacting is the best option and sometimes scared that I'm slowly slipping away when I don't contact her as much but that's the best way. Just trying to prepare myself when we move out. I also told her that she won't be able to pick a direction if she keeps not being sure about the situation.. Eventually she will either need to pick one. She said maybe she feels like she wants everything back to normal but she's in denial because she's scared. I told her once she lets go of that we can work on going in the right path. Otherwise she'll just continue to be indecisive. Edited May 1, 2013 by Stay
Author Stay Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 You are absolutely correct, she tells me at times she misses the things I did in the beginning. I told her I cannot keep doing that as that was our honeymoon phase and eventually it'll get old, etc. But that was a mistake telling her as I could have just done little bursts of honeymoon phase and it'll be better than none. Anyways I have been.. I got her a rose the other day just wishing her day be better today than it was the day before as she was having a bad day. Too much? I hope not. I try to be flirty with her and smack her butt and have been doing that and she never says stop it or don't do that.. I cuddle with her and she doesn't tell me to stop or push me away.. It seems like she's enjoying it but she's not allowing it to advance because she's scared. We went through something small with this situation before and that's why she's afraid I will be the same and not change. I have been looking into myself a lot this time and I KNOW what I want to do to change. I want to be a better person.
Author Stay Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Update: Although we aren't officially together we still currently live together for a little while longer. We sleep in the same bed, I get flirty and she doesn't say anything. We cuddle and it's all fine, I slap her butt sometimes to be flirty and she doesn't say anything either. The other day she asked to go with me to dinner, I paid, we had a great time and I saw her staring at my lips so I kissed her, just a peck on the lips but she didn't resist. She talks about how we should get another dog with our current dog. She wouldn't get a dog together like that unless we're both in it so I'm sorta confused. What should I do, should I back up a bit? I'm just so confused since her actions says one thing but she says something else.
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