How do I get my husband back wo harassing him but showing him I care?

[AshleyL5247]

Okay so me and my husband have been together about 11 months. Pretty new. We went to middle school together and were distant for many years but when we met back up we wanted to be married right away. He lived in GA I lived in NC. I still have family there so I was always visiting. I moved him to NC with me and we got married shortly after. We were super happy. I told him upfront if he had any addiction issues this isn't a situation I was interested in being I was a single mom with a 2-year old. He said he was clean and we proceeded. Well he came to me one day and told me he use to have an opiate addiction but was now on saboxone so that he didn't crave the opiates. I was upset he lied and that he was using something else. He said he would be off the saboxone in 2 weeks. He ended up going to the hospital from withdrawals of this medicine. Therefore he continued to take it but agreed to wean himself off. He would say he's done but then I would find the packets and he'd say he can't help it. We argued a lot. Then his ex was friends with me on FB. She send little messages a so forth even though I was jealous I played along with her game. I would tell him and he'd laugh and say things like what's wrong with her? Etc. so she sends me a message one night and were having a general conversation. One topic leads to another and eventually she gets to telling me my husband missed her our marriage was a mistake and so on. I felt so much pain. She copy and posted the messages bwt them from the last month. There was even a few times he offered to go see her in my car. We went to ga and got in a huge argument she showed me the message that was like come see me right now. There was no proof he actually seen her and she didn't say he had. Well of course I confronted him and he lied at first but eventually came out and said he didn't like how we were always fighting but he really didn't care about her it was all talk. This was 2 months after being married. Okay so long story short it took me a while to recover from these events and I wasn't supportive nice etc but I loved him. He ended up relapsing and taking my prescriptions more than a few times. So you can you can imagine the arguing that took place. Our last night together we were fighting so bad bc he had taken my medicine again and tried to lie. And spent money from his paycheck when he knew that specific check was for our car payment. The argument was a blur but one thing he said is cant you see your husband needs help? He hit the wall a few times and it scared me so I called the police. When they came they stayed while he packed his things. He had a family member come get him from GA. I was sad but I really thought it would blow over. I didn't try to call till the second day he was gone. His family kept hanging the phone up in my face. I was becoming really upset. He finally called and said my family is getting frustrated with you calling. Of course I was crying I asked if he wanted a divorce he said no and he said ill call you right back. He has been gone 9 days. That's the only phone conversation we've had. With all this being said its only the bad. We actually loved each other very much. We had fun together, we to church, got baptized together. We did a lot of family activities together as well. But we could not communicate about serious matters and I had no trust. Since he left I've nearly had a breakdown. We were so close and I wasn't use to him being gone or ignoring me. I begged and pleated my heart out. I drove 600 miles to say sorry and he wouldn't see me. Now most of you probably think I'm crazy to want to continue the relationship. The reason I said sorry is bc I was never understanding nor comforting to his needs. Addiction was a part of my childhood so I hated it. I felt like he was asking me to change by accepting it. I'd freak out ever time he tried to talk to me. And I had no trust or respect. I've prayed, read the bible, and done a lot of research on similar situations. Or separation and divorce in general. I was calling and texting so much not understanding why he wanted to throw everything away. I forgot to mention we were trying to get pregnant. We did but I had a miscarriage. That's when things got even worse. What I have found is by leaving him alone it will allow him to miss what he had. That's so hard to do. But I'm trying. I probably sent 100 texts a day. Yesterday I sent one saying I'm trying to back off but please come home soon I love you. I woke up early today crying bc he wasn't here. I found this spouses prayer in my email. I wanted to send it to him so I did. I kept crying but was telling myself leave him alone. After doing more research I did send one more message. But it was much different. It read I won't to apologize for calling and texting so much. I felt like I was in a tornado and didn't know what was going on till you left. I don't want you to think I'm desperate. I was trying to reach your heart and was wanting our marriage back so badly. I can see I was pushing you away. I've handled many things the wrong way. Not calling and texting is a work in progress. Take all the time you need to sort your mind. I understand and I respect your distancing. He finally sent a text back after that saying thank you for understanding I love you! This made me feel so much better but I'm still lost. I want to show my husband I love him, respect him, and even trust him. He's my best friend. I'd like to go to counseling or whatever needed to fix my, his, and our issues. How can I do this wo harassing him and having NC?

[GuyInLimbo]

So, he's an addict. He's even lied to you about it. And he's cheated on you at least once. You're best friends? You're kidding yourself. Take your daughter and start showing her what a RESPONSIBLE adult acts like. You are acting like a needy child who's is desperate to hold on to an abusive person. Get rid of this cancer from your life NOW. Your #1 responsibility is your daughter. TAKE CARE OF HER and grow up.

 

You think all of this happening in less than a year is ever going to lead to a happy, stable relationship? Really? It's wake up time, sister.

[AshleyL5247]

Yes it is a very difficult situation. It's not that I'm nieve it's that I'm trying to look at things from a different perspective. If this was a boyfriend I'd let this go. Since its my husband I'd like to try things from a different angle. I just wish I could get him to come home. He actually wanted help. He was referred to a saboxone doctor, they were going to put him back on it. I was so unacceptive he didn't do it to try to make me happy. My son has always been well cared and never witnessed any of this. Him and my son were very close. My son has been acting my different since he left and keeps asking for him. I pushed my husband away on accident. He tried to come to me. Oh also I meant we've been married 11 months

Edited May 2, 2013 by AshleyL5247