bohica Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Seeking some advise.... In previous posts in another section I wrote about my breakup and the fact that I've gone almost three months with no contact. There were so many things wrong with the relationship and she was not able to provide me with a lot that most people would look for in a partner. This person was once crazy about me but did a 180 in the end. I feel like I never even knew her. She was a terrible communicator, she's a little cold and doesn't hold any sentimentality towards anything. She doesn't know what it means to be in a relationship. We did have a great time though and we truly enjoyed each others company. We seemed very in love for a little while but there were a lot of problems. I've had a lot of trouble moving on emotionally and had to contact her recently for a work related issue. (We share a client on the same project). It wasn't a huge setback but one non the less. I took the opportunity to seek some closure. the relationship didn't end all that great and this person like I said, meant a lot to me. I told her via email that I have no hard feelings and that she meant a lot to me. I told her I enjoyed spending time with her, that I have no regrets and I wished her the best of luck with the future. She replied saying she had no regrets either and that she learned a lot from me and said good luck. (note: there was no exchange of 'how are you'). I finished by saying that maybe someday we can be friendly again. We knew each other prior to getting involved. She hasn't replied to that which I take as she doesn't want to be friendly. It kind of pisses me off. I really just want to know I meant something to this person at some point and that if I see her we don't have to be all cold. I feel like I want some face time but be the annoying ex. I feel a little bitter. odd thing is that she has two ex's. One ex husband (who she has a son with) who always seems bitter and pissed at her. I always thought this guy was crazy but now I am almost relating to him. Any thoughts on this ? I would appreciate some feedback. Thank you! Edited May 1, 2013 by bohica
Smokemirrors Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Seeking some advise.... In previous posts in another section I wrote about my breakup and the fact that I've gone almost three months with no contact. There were so many things wrong with the relationship and she was not able to provide me with a lot that most people would look for in a partner. This person was once crazy about me but did a 180 in the end. I feel like I never even knew her. She was a terrible communicator, she's a little cold and doesn't hold any sentimentality towards anything. She doesn't know what it means to be in a relationship. We did have a great time though and we truly enjoyed each others company. We seemed very in love for a little while but there were a lot of problems. I've had a lot of trouble moving on emotionally and had to contact her recently for a work related issue. (We share a client on the same project). It wasn't a huge setback but one non the less. I took the opportunity to seek some closure. the relationship didn't end all that great and this person like I said, meant a lot to me. I told her via email that I have no hard feelings and that she meant a lot to me. I told her I enjoyed spending time with her, that I have no regrets and I wished her the best of luck with the future. She replied saying she had no regrets either and that she learned a lot from me and said good luck. (note: there was no exchange of 'how are you'). I finished by saying that maybe someday we can be friendly again. We knew each other prior to getting involved. She hasn't replied to that which I take as she doesn't want to be friendly. It kind of pisses me off. I really just want to know I meant something to this person at some point and that if I see her we don't have to be all cold. I feel like I want some face time but be the annoying ex. I feel a little bitter. odd thing is that she has two ex's. One ex husband (who she has a son with) who always seems bitter and pissed at her. I always thought this guy was crazy but now I am almost relating to him. Any thoughts on this ? I would appreciate some feedback. Thank you! Sorry to hear you're going through this. I went through similar. I'll start of by saying closure can only come from within. This person will not provide you with any. She is too emotionally immature. Google it. Secondly, stop looking for answers like it is an exam you failed. It is life and unfortunately **** happens that leaves us confused. It's now down to you how you deal with that. Things will slowly become clearer as you get out of the fog as start thinking clearly.
Am4Real Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Hello OP, Smokemirrors summed it well. You will not receive closure and it really does come from within if and when you let it. There are many posts on the subject and personally I think TarMaiden has nailed the explanation many times, although she does get carried away with an analogy on vomit regurgitation or something like that. Anyway, your EX has her reasons that you don't understand (or need to) and she probably can't understand your need to have her as a friend, no matter how close you thought you two were. That doesn't mean it won't change one day, maybe years and years from now, however it's not going to happen now and not likely anytime soon. Continue with the NC and self focus you implied about your healing and over time, her friendship or anything about her will mean little to you. Believe it!!
Author bohica Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks to both of you. I know where I need to be in my own life in order to feel better emotionally. I have some areas in my life that need to be fixed and until I get there it'll be a bit of a struggle to move on. I feel I am a lot better then I was but like I said the contact due to work was a little bit of a set back. Edited May 1, 2013 by bohica
bob the brave Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 yea, know that feeling. Sounds like you want positive closure both from a civil standpoint because you sound like a nice guy and because it validates the relationship to you. You feel empty thinking the entire time you spent with this girl was a lie. But believe me, as long as it mattered to you, it was real. You were true to yourself and she wasn't. That doesn't mean she was faking, just means like so many people, she dosen't really know what love truly means. If she ever wakes up, she will see what she missed. I have seen it happen. The important thing is you were true to yourself and maintained your integrity which is not easy. Just put her in the rear view mirror and learn from this to become stronger and wiser. Find someone who deserves your love.
Author bohica Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 yea, know that feeling. Sounds like you want positive closure both from a civil standpoint because you sound like a nice guy and because it validates the relationship to you. You feel empty thinking the entire time you spent with this girl was a lie. But believe me, as long as it mattered to you, it was real. You were true to yourself and she wasn't. That doesn't mean she was faking, just means like so many people, she dosen't really know what love truly means. If she ever wakes up, she will see what she missed. I have seen it happen. The important thing is you were true to yourself and maintained your integrity which is not easy. Just put her in the rear view mirror and learn from this to become stronger and wiser. Find someone who deserves your love. All I have to say is......wow, you nailed it.
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