flowergirl13 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Hello everyone. Im new to the forum and have read may posts. I figured I'll post my own story here more to vent than anything else really. My BF and I have been having issues the past 2 months. Every time we have a fight he'd try to break up with me instead of communicating and working things through. We've always had a very good relationship, we have similar personalities and get on real well. You can say he treated me like a princess for majority of our 1 yr relationship, always spoiling me and putting me first. Even my closest friends tell me at times I'm too demanding and expect too much from him. I guess he got sick of my ***** and coupled with some big major life events (court case, financial issues and change of employment) things just went from bad to worse. We fought even more although this could be attributed partially to his stress and he'd always say he wants to be alone. 3 weeks ago we got into a big fight. He had been working hard on little sleep and made plans with me after work. However because he was going to be late 2 hours, I told him to forget it. He snapped it. He said I was unappreciative if his efforts, I'm always demanding and I never see he tries to put me first. We tried to go on a break. It hasn't worked. We'd stop talking and either one of us will crack and we end up seeing each other again. Then like clockwork we'd fight about something and he'd snap and try breakup. So as you can see I've been in a never ending cycle. I tell him I don't wanna break up because I love him and I see a future and I'm trying to be more patient and understanding. Last week we did the same thing. We last 2 days then I cracked and we ended up seeing each other for 4 consecutive days. We were quite happy went out to eat, drinks with his mates, played sport etc. but on the last day, when I told him we should spend time apart, I sort of invited myself over anyway. At that point, you guessed it, he started saying he wanted to be alone, I'm selfish because I won't give him his space, what happened to our break? And yes he tried to break up with me again. Now we ended up agreeing to do a proper break but he told me he's happy to let this go because he feels he can't put me first right now and he doesn't want me to have to deal with the brunt of his mood swings. I know things are hard for him he has an upcoming court case and generally home life has been stressful not to mention our fights. Sometimes he'd call me in the middle of the night and tell me he feels so lost and unmotivated like a dark cloud over his head. I can recognise he is going through something but I also realise I'm tired of him snapping at me. We decided on a one week break. Which sort of failed because he called me that night on my request because I couldn't sleep. He stayed on the phone for 5 hours (throughout our relationship he'd call me every night... We both have that dependency). The following day he called me at lunch to check up on me.. So 2 days into our 1 week break we've both failed. Then I tried hard to maintain no contact. I lasted longer than he did. By afternoon he messages to see how I was and asked what I was doing. I wanted to ignore him but felt like I don't wanna play any games so I replied. He never responded after. I don't know where my relationship is heading and to be honest I've been quite bothered to the point where I'm suffering serious insomnia. But you know I take each day as it comes. I wanna continue to maintain no contact because I feel he really needs to sort his ***** out. I don't wanna boyfriend on a good day then be ignored when he's feeling crap. But I guess I haven't accepted that this may potentially be over. I'm sure hell try to contact me again. But I don't know what to do and whether to respond...
Amelie1980 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 The whole thing sounds dysfunctional. Only a year and already having big fights. It doesn't sound as if he's in the right head space to give you the attention you seem to crave and you should understand that he may need a lot of support right now. Why not try offering to Support him.
Author flowergirl13 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 The whole thing sounds dysfunctional. Only a year and already having big fights. It doesn't sound as if he's in the right head space to give you the attention you seem to crave and you should understand that he may need a lot of support right now. Why not try offering to Support him. Hello, you're completely right.. He does need some support. Well he just called me and being the sucker I am I picked up. We had an hour long conversation about our day etc nothing exciting. Then I sort of brought up his behavior and mentioned they are symptoms of anxiety/stress and maybe he should see a doctor. He said no he got himself in this hole, he should get out of it himself. I don't want to push him but I recognize he isn't mentally well right now. He tends to push it all aside and focus on work or house hunting and would rather do "nothing" and laze around outside of work. Then he started to get cramps and feel queasy (another sign of stress) so we got off the phone. Whilst we said were on a break, I don't know of no contact is what we need right now. My friends keep hammering it into me that I need to leave him alone but I realise he may need my support more than ever.. I'm confused what to do and I know there is no clear answer but I also know I'm probably not in the best mind frame to support him if he starts to lash out at me again..
SadPanda22 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I am so sorry that you are going through this It's a complicated situation (at least IMO). He is depressed and going through some difficult things, and you want to be there to support him, but it is hard for you to support him when he snaps at you. People suffering from depression often feel like a burden to others and feel guilty about being so down all the time (I speak from personal experience). Perhaps you should Google some websites on how to support a loved one who is going through depression. I am sure there is some great advice out there on that subject. It is a shame that your boyfriend won't see a doctor or talk through his issues with a therapist. Just because he dug whatever hole he is in by himself doesn't mean that he has to attempt to get out of it all by himself too. Sometimes it is difficult for people to admit that they can't do it all on their own and it hurts their pride to ask for help. I will say that it isn't okay for him to break up with you every time the two of you argue. That is immature and not fair to you. When an argument gets too heated you guys should take a time out and revisit the subject later when the two of you have calmed down. Sorry that I don't have anymore advice to offer Keep us posted on how things are going. Best of luck to you.
Author flowergirl13 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Hello everyone, me again. I called the bf to see how he was going last night and he sounded better like he had a much better day. He said he's been having difficulty sleeping too (not surprised) and stayed up late the night before. I asked him what's he up to this weekend? If he has any plans? He said well, hopefully seeing you tomorrow... And also some other flirty sexual stuff. Anyway we got off the phone cus I was out. Later I texted him to call me and he did. We had an hour conversation about work and our day. Pretty mundane if you ask me. And it made me feel really nervous? I'm not used to him not calling me SWEETY or bub or anything. He freaken called me BUDDY and MATE. I guess he was taking the p*** but it still got to me so I texted and told him I hate him in a joking way. He replied "no you don't - fact". Anyway I feel like we're both pathetic we can't even keep a NC for a week. On top I don't want a repeat of last week so I feel like I need to set some ground rules. I don't feel like he's stringing me along (although some of my friends do), but he seems confused. I'm unsure how to take that he wants to see me, a good thing maybe? Or is it a bread crumb!
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