Kath Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I have been married for close to 11 years. We have one 11 yo son. H is jealous of any time that I spend with him. We are very close and he will talk to me and let me know whats really going on at school and such. H does nothing but yell and demand. He believes you should only tell a child what to do they don't have any input what so ever. I am at my wits end. I am ready to take my son and leave. Its gotten to the point that there is no family any more. H comes home checks his computers email, eats dinner watches TV and then goes to bed. I do all the household chores.. he will occasionally do a load of laundry or wash the dishes but nothing on the regular basis. I also do all the out side yard cuttting. I just feel like I am his maid. We don't talk, we went away for a weekend trying to reconnect and it was BLAH. When we do talk its always what I do wrong or its he never does anything wrong. His parents treat me like crap.. X-mas gifts from the dollar tree and travel sizes. He sees nothing wrong with it. Finally mentioned it to his mom.. Then I get.. well I hope you are happy, she's pissed. Suggestions please
Moose Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Sounds like you guys are in a rut. Your husband needs to grow up!!! Try <URL removed> or http://www.fivellovelanguage.com . Both are great sites to help out on topics like this. Don't worry it's only temporary.........hopefully.....
Matilda Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Definitely, do some work yourself and see what kind of changes might be possible. Do you think your husband would be willing to make some changes? Sounds like he's not happy either. In any case, I would start by doing some reading, it can help you to more objective about what's really going on in your marriage.
Author Kath Posted September 22, 2004 Author Posted September 22, 2004 Been there done that.. He doesn't seem to care so why should I any more.. just tired of being tired
Author Kath Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 We have been through Marriage Builders about 3 years ago when he had a online and phone sex affair. I feel like I am carrying everything on my shoulders. He doesn't care about bills or anything just if he has enough $$ to go out to lunch
Haunani Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Kath--I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.......I could have almost written this myself from doing the chores and yard to the bills. One thing though, my h will never take away the bond that I do share with my kids, and over the years, has actually come to appreciate our bonds, because although not as loving as mine relationships with the kids, he still shares his kind of bonding with them, and that is somethign I cannot take away. I think initially my h used to be jealous too but after discussions with him, he realises some things can only be handled by Mom, and some by Dad. I probably couldn't hold up my end of the conversation with my boys on sports and fishing, but Dad can. On the other hand, my h feels uncomfortable talking about sex, girls, and pregnancy etc, and I'm totally open.....so we compliment each other in that sense....that will come around. As far as the feelings of doing everything, I go back and forth on that too. I get angry that I do *it all*, then I get silent and give in, and then it's a cycle. But the best one was my sons excuse on why I needed to do all the chores, I was trying to burn more calories so I was always *moving*, and thus I became the keeper of the weedwacker et al......... Maybe next time, I will not speak so loudly. Keep you chin up, and work on you first. I'm reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue., I'm hoping to change me first. Good Luck. Hey Moose, I just want to say........you are alright! Thanks for being so positive.
Moose Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Haunani Thanks for the compliment!! I just thought of something else that may or may not help. Have both of you ever tried to delegate some of the chores? We started a chore chart a while back in which everyone including my wife and I have certain jobs. We mix them up every month just to keep it from getting too boring. This way instead of your hubby coming home, checking his email, eating then watching TV, he'll have other tasks to complete before hand. I know it sounds childish to have to come up with this, but, if you sit him down and tell him how you feel about his routine, and include yourself and your children in the chores, he will either be totally for it, or totally against it. AND, you can use this as a gauge.......because if he's all for it, you know he's sensitive to your feelings......if he's totally against it, then you'll know it's time for more drastic measures. Just a suggestion. I know it works at home. Whenever I get my chores done, and I get my spiderman sticker on my sheet.......I can relax and boast that I got my chores done! THEN.....after I eat all my supper I get a TREAT!!!! Please don't ever tell the guys here at work! (They don't know I like spiderman)
Haunani Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 The only problem with the chore list I find is that my h travels alot and out of town, so I end up doing HIS chores anyway. But.....maybe if he realizes that if he gives me, then he'll get dessert too.... and we both win. I guess he doesn't really understand just how much there is to do, until it's shown in black and white, but I know he appreciates it, and he really doesn't get on my case if the house looks like a slob, which I hate. I can't understand how it takes all day to clean, but 10 minutes to make the entire house a mess.......oh right, I have a family of 5 and a weimaraner inside.....okay. I guess I should find some stickers too.........the ones with different desserts on them Mrs. Moose, you are one lucky lady!
Moose Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Oh, I don't know if she's lucky or not.....hehe. There are some annoying things about me....I just can't figure out what they are.....just joking! Is a weimaraner a dog?
Haunani Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 oh right, YOU can't figure out what those annoying things are, but I'm sure Mrs. could answer that in a split sec yup, it's a minature horse if you ask me.......the kind you dress up, is on those calendars, he's a hoot to dress up as a basketball mascott....... but my sons are getting mad that some of their shorts have holes right smack in the middle....(for his tail).........
Recommended Posts