wildflower2017 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Through all this time, though we have had ups and downs as any couple has he has been my best friend and favourite person in the world. Recently I moved away for school, at the same time he moved to a new country to start a new promising job. We knew it would be hard being apart but that it was best for our future together. When he came to visit me at school he proposed. I was ecstatic. but a couple weeks later he got really drunk and cheated on me with an ex. I know it was a one time thing, i know he wasn't in his right mind and that both our moves and the drastic changes in our lives over the last few months have been hard on him. he is incredibly remorseful. I want so much to forgive him and move past this. But I continue to have mixed feelings. Am so angry that my best friend could abandon me and betray me when I need him most, having moved far away for school and being in a demanding program. at the same time I know I have always been the strong one, and knowing him so well I can see how much he is struggling to get his life to work right now. what do I do? How do i get over the anger i have? I dont want to get revenge or hurt him, i love him. but I am soo mad that he has tainted the beautiful thing that we have. Lately i often find him irritating and snap at him. I am rejoining him for a few months this summer and want advice as to how we progress from here? i am really having a hard time with my mixed emotions, half the time I think he is a lost cause and think i should leave and the other half i just want my best friend back and our life back together. please help. Edited April 30, 2013 by wildflower2017
LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Stress can always put a number on a couple. There is no excuse for cheating but there are circumstances to live by. What you need to do Is forgive him. That will take a tremendous amount of weight off of your shoulders because you said so yourself, you don't want revenge. So stop punishing yourself for his mistakes. Also, take into consideration the fact that he is remorseful and is trying to make it work. He caused the pain but is he there picking up the pieces? It definitely won't be easy trusting him since he's in another country but if you feel he's worth a second chance, I say go for it. Everybody deserves it. Everybody is always saying how cheaters aren't worth the dirt under your feet, but half of those people have never cheated/been cheated on. Infidelity is a horrible thing, but humans are humans. Why do good people cheat? It's like asking, why do good dogs just decide to bite a hole in your arm one day? We're animals, just like them. And you just don't know. Set some boundaries, make sure no secrets are being kept, and make sure he knows what he'll be missing if he messes up again. You two are together for a reason. You said you're the strong one. Be strong for yourself, and your best friend. Realize that things aren't so cut and dry anymore. Hope this helps, and good luck!
LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Another thought, maybe taking things slow would be a good thing for you two. If you really want each other in your futures than you will be there. But it seems to me you two are focusing on yourselves for now and that's fine! That's great actually. Having a hold on who you are and what you want out of life will only make you a stronger person, hence adding strength to a relationship.
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