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What have YOU learned about relationships since joining this site?

thefooloftheyear

By thefooloftheyear
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
Sorry guys, i didn't mean writing style, syntax or vocabulary. I meant that even if a person is obviously hurting, you can tell in the attitude of their post and replies and how they respond to advice as to whether or not they are gonna be sorted. Minimal to zero rehashing and backtracking and analysing of their 'problem'. Hope i have clarified.These peeps end up leaving when they have gotten what they need - which is often quicker than a lot of people. Everyone says 'move on with your life, focus on you' and these people are probably out there doing that, taking a swing at the real world instead of ruminating and nursing hurts online. Apparently you can't delete your profile :/ tried a few times. And i came back on to send a goodbye message to someone who helped me in the beginning. That's my disclaimer :D I'm as guilty as anyone!! ;)

 

Yeah, after I replied, I figured that is what you meant ;). But even so, I don't know if there is any correlation. I am dying right now, and I am somewhat well adjusted and e-mature. My life is usually on track and the only thing that seems to really F me up is heartbreak!?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Why?

What are you thinking with, your heart, or your head?

And when are you going to realise that your emotions are not who you are?

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
Why?

What are you thinking with, your heart, or your head?

And when are you going to realise that your emotions are not who you are?

 

I dunno... But I am trying to get a grip on this. I really am. I don't like this feeling, and I don't want it any more. I promise :p

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

If your shoes pinch, change them.

If your sweater is not warm enough, change it.

If your steak is not cooked enough, change it.

If your bed needs cleaning, change it.

If your thoughts bother you.....

 

 

;)

  • Like 1
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
If your shoes pinch, change them.

If your sweater is not warm enough, change it.

If your steak is not cooked enough, change it.

If your bed needs cleaning, change it.

If your thoughts bother you.....

 

 

;)

 

OK... Only thing is, steak, bedding and shoes are easy enough to change. Thought processes/patterns... not so much. It is a difficult process, but I'm working on it. In fact spending a dangerous amount of time 'working' on this at work ;)

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

" 'Do' or 'Do Not'. There is no 'Try'."

 

Or as someone else put it - 'Trying' - isn't 'Doing'.

 

Are you still snowballing.....?

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
" 'Do' or 'Do Not'. There is no 'Try'."

 

LOL!!!! Okay, Yoda :p

 

 

Are you still snowballing.....?

 

??????

siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted (edited)

i have to say i agree with Tara on all the above. Not all instincts are good ones and when they are not working for you, bringing what you want, you have to recognise them, tweak them, and it will lead to permanent change. As time goes on different things will happen based on your different actions. I feel like i've repeated this from somewhere. probably from here :D

Edited by siankat
may_girl Established Member

may_girl

Posted
Posted

What have I learned?

 

I know that my healing comes from within, and no matter how many times I break NC, it doesn't make me feel any better. In fact it makes me feel worse.

 

I know now that to feel better, I have to WANT to feel better. No holding on, because it does exactly that; it holds me back.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
i have to say i agree with Tara on all the above. Not all instincts are good ones and when they are not working for you, bringing what you want, you have to recognise them, tweak them, and it will lead to permanent change. As time goes on different things will happen based on your different actions. I feel like i've repeated this from somewhere. probably from here :D

 

Well, as I mentioned here before, I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in this RS was assuring my ex that I was here and not going anywhere. I removed all challenge. All mystery. All desire. I know I will not allow that to happen again. So I guess that is a tweak/adjustment, right?

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted

Something else I learned about myself and relationships is that I'm an impatient mofo. Either get your feces together or ciao. No tolerance for ineptness.

siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
Well, as I mentioned here before, I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in this RS was assuring my ex that I was here and not going anywhere. I removed all challenge. All mystery. All desire. I know I will not allow that to happen again. So I guess that is a tweak/adjustment, right?

 

not really. haven't so many people on here already said that the person who dumped THEM had only days before professed their undying love and together forever spiel? maybe your ex indicated she needed reassurance and so you gave it? i dont know what was said. All i know is that looking at one aspect like that is not going to fix anything for you or the next person you get involved with. I would be put off if i knew a guy i was going to date was thinking, 'well my ex didnt like certain things about me so im going to change them for this next person' No. It's not a bad thing to let someone know you will be there. If my guy told me that id be over the moon. If my bf who i wasnt that sure about told me that....i would run for the hills :D (slight exaggeration) but no one likes to feel pushed - i really dont.

 

When i say change instincts i mean like....giving more time to wait and see who the person is, do their actions match their words, holding out on making decisions til much later on i.e. committing (in your heart) to a longer term union with a person rather than getting caught up in the moment.

 

And sure, to your point, familiarity does breed contempt. But don't try and make a positive a negative. It could have well be a big reason for her leaving you if the way you portrayed that sentiment was in a needy clingy sad way. But not the sentiment itself.

 

Why suffer further? If someone doesn't want to be with you, they were not for you. We dont know you on here. We can just say things that may or may not illuminate a lightbulb in your head..a eureka moment. If you want to know how you come across, ask those closest to you.

 

It saddens me when people get hurt and decide that the way to eliminate further chance of getting hurt, is to knock off some good points about themselves. Get a bit more grit :) No more eyore :)

  • Like 4
EmptyWalls Member

EmptyWalls

Posted
Posted

To stay single!!!

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

A very large percentage of people are incapable of having a healthy relationship.

  • Author
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
  • Author
Posted
not really. haven't so many people on here already said that the person who dumped THEM had only days before professed their undying love and together forever spiel? maybe your ex indicated she needed reassurance and so you gave it? i dont know what was said. All i know is that looking at one aspect like that is not going to fix anything for you or the next person you get involved with. I would be put off if i knew a guy i was going to date was thinking, 'well my ex didnt like certain things about me so im going to change them for this next person' No. It's not a bad thing to let someone know you will be there. If my guy told me that id be over the moon. If my bf who i wasnt that sure about told me that....i would run for the hills :D (slight exaggeration) but no one likes to feel pushed - i really dont.

 

When i say change instincts i mean like....giving more time to wait and see who the person is, do their actions match their words, holding out on making decisions til much later on i.e. committing (in your heart) to a longer term union with a person rather than getting caught up in the moment.

 

And sure, to your point, familiarity does breed contempt. But don't try and make a positive a negative. It could have well be a big reason for her leaving you if the way you portrayed that sentiment was in a needy clingy sad way. But not the sentiment itself.

 

Why suffer further? If someone doesn't want to be with you, they were not for you. We dont know you on here. We can just say things that may or may not illuminate a lightbulb in your head..a eureka moment. If you want to know how you come across, ask those closest to you.

 

It saddens me when people get hurt and decide that the way to eliminate further chance of getting hurt, is to knock off some good points about themselves. Get a bit more grit :) No more eyore :)

 

Well said....

 

Things like smoking or alcohol consumption are things that people should change to better themselves. But unless you are a total jackass, you should be true to yourself. Sometimes its just pointless to overanalyze it. People leave relationships(even good, solid ones) for seemingly unexplainable reasons.. They may, and often do, regret it later on, so now what? If you "change" who you are then what?

 

Introspection is good, and sometimes we all need some tweaking from time to time. But its also wise to be yourself and just find someone who appreciates you for who you are...I think that is the key..

 

TFY

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
A very large percentage of people are incapable of having a healthy relationship.

 

Not so.

Nobody is incapable of having a healthy relationship.

 

However:

 

Some people are not adequately healthy to be able to conduct themselves well, in what could be a stable, healthy and productive relationship.

 

The relationship only suffers because of 'foolish' participants.....

  • Like 2
Harradin Established Member

Harradin

Posted
Posted

How to handle majority of breakups, I read majority of the breakup stories so I can learn! My breakup was particularly bad but I've read worse ones, the more I know the better :).

 

That as a shy male, I need to be more outgoing in order to go after the girls I like, not to worry if I get rejected because it doesn't matter as theres someone else out there! :)

 

And that NC is absolutely vital and can't be broken in any circumstances in order to get over an ex.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
not really. haven't so many people on here already said that the person who dumped THEM had only days before professed their undying love and together forever spiel? maybe your ex indicated she needed reassurance and so you gave it? i dont know what was said. All i know is that looking at one aspect like that is not going to fix anything for you or the next person you get involved with. I would be put off if i knew a guy i was going to date was thinking, 'well my ex didnt like certain things about me so im going to change them for this next person' No. It's not a bad thing to let someone know you will be there. If my guy told me that id be over the moon. If my bf who i wasnt that sure about told me that....i would run for the hills :D (slight exaggeration) but no one likes to feel pushed - i really dont.

 

When i say change instincts i mean like....giving more time to wait and see who the person is, do their actions match their words, holding out on making decisions til much later on i.e. committing (in your heart) to a longer term union with a person rather than getting caught up in the moment.

 

And sure, to your point, familiarity does breed contempt. But don't try and make a positive a negative. It could have well be a big reason for her leaving you if the way you portrayed that sentiment was in a needy clingy sad way. But not the sentiment itself.

 

Why suffer further? If someone doesn't want to be with you, they were not for you. We dont know you on here. We can just say things that may or may not illuminate a lightbulb in your head..a eureka moment. If you want to know how you come across, ask those closest to you.

 

It saddens me when people get hurt and decide that the way to eliminate further chance of getting hurt, is to knock off some good points about themselves. Get a bit more grit :) No more eyore :)

 

Yes, it's easy to sit back post BU and say: I need to change X,Y and Z and all will be alright. I know that is silly, but it is just part of the thought process I guess. I know I am over analytical and my mind is trying to make sense of this, when it should just take it all in and then let it go :D. Baby steps!!

Esoteric Elf Established Member

Esoteric Elf

Posted
Posted

I have learned nothing new with regard to relationships from this site as of yet, but I am hopeful still. :laugh:

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