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What have YOU learned about relationships since joining this site?

thefooloftheyear

By thefooloftheyear
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

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I'm gonna get hated for this and potentially called a hypocrite but...

I have learned that the most well adjusted people; based on the way they write their thread and introduce themselves to here, stay the least amount of time.

 

To be fair, some of us are perfectly well adjusted but are just bored at work sometimes...

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shiver23 Established Member

shiver23

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Oh boy. I just joined less than a week ago, and already I feel SO much better.

Things I've realized/learned by reading & posting:

 

1. My ex was a wonderful person, and he recognized that our wants & needs were different so he had the strength to end it.

 

2. Most people have been cheated on at least once. I've been lucky enough to avoid that.

 

3. NC is about moving on, and everyone goes through those seven stages of grief when dealing with a relationship.

 

4. Emotions fluctuate greatly when going through a break-up. Right now I feel like I could take on the dating world, but when I go to update my dating profile I feel sick to my stomach and realize how unfair it would be to rebound using someone else as an ego boost. (Yes, girls like ego boosts too.)

 

5. Focusing on myself and my interests is rewarding, even if I get lonely.

 

6. People are out there who understand the want to be child-free.

 

7. Nothing makes you feel better than helping someone else through their problem and realizing how it relates to you and solving part of your own dilemma as well.

 

8. Everyone struggles with connecting and finding the right people to date.

 

9. Understanding is the greatest gift you can give anyone in crisis.

  • Like 1
SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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There is nothing new under the sun.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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I have learned that the most well adjusted people; based on the way they write their thread and introduce themselves to here, stay the least amount of time.

 

I couldn't agree more.....

 

 

:D

 

Really??? What about ol' YNL??? She is very eloquent and been around for while... No offense YNL :p

 

AND, I think ones writing style has absolutely zero to do with A) How well adjusted they are, and B) How long it takes to recover from their BU, subsequently how long they are on LS. Just sayin'...

 

I was speaking from a personal PoV, that having actually been here since 2007 (There was a technical interruption to my membership some time ago) I think how well-adjusted I am, could certainly be brought into question....!

  • Like 1
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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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(Yes, girls like ego boosts too.)

 

.

 

 

No?? Really?:laugh:

 

TFY

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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One other thing as well......

 

What someone says to you..

 

 

 

"I love you sooooo much"

 

"no one compares to you"

 

"I found my true soulmate"

 

"You are my first and only TRUE love"

 

 

 

Well,,, It may be true, but only for that moment...

 

TFY

  • Like 3
mutant Established Member

mutant

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I have learned that I am responsible for my own happiness.

 

I know this sounds cliche but since BU I really can't count the number of times I have found myself smiling alone and happy with the progress I have made.

  • Like 2
mutant Established Member

mutant

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I'm gonna get hated for this and potentially called a hypocrite but...

I have learned that the most well adjusted people; based on the way they write their thread and introduce themselves to here, stay the least amount of time.

 

English is my third language therefore there is no way I was going to be eloquent or well adjusted in my writing from the very beginning.

 

I also know a few posters here on LS who have decided to stay on and offer advice even after getting into new, exciting, and stable relationships.

OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

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found this interesting.

seems like some of dumpers act like that

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Where did I read on here....

"Every ex- either has BPD or is a psycho."

 

It's so much more comforting than "They just stopped being into you....."

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

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Last I checked, Dating has twice as much as this forum. :o

 

I hate to be snarky, but honestly the lesson that stood out the most to me throughout my years on LS, is that I should be extremely grateful for my guy. It has been... insightful, to say the least, to have a candid look inside the minds on some of the male posters (no, I'm not even talking about the trolls).

 

Probably a less controversial lesson I've learnt is the degree to which culture and socialization plays a part in relationships, attraction, and mindset. Most of the folks on LS aren't people whom I'd get to talk to IRL on a daily basis, so it's been interesting to see how people from other cultures view things.

 

Wait, that sounds controversial too. Damn, I can never win. :)

 

I've met some lovely and amazing folks here who've helped me a lot through difficult times, too, if that helps! :p

CorridorE Established Member

CorridorE

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I was speaking from a personal PoV, that having actually been here since 2007 (There was a technical interruption to my membership some time ago) I think how well-adjusted I am, could certainly be brought into question....!

 

However, most of us stay here because we are hurting, but you stick around because you try to help others cope and bring them back to reality, yes?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Yes.

 

I put in what effort I can to help those who want to take it up.

My concern is with their long-term well-being.

 

Whatever they decide to do with what I contribute, is obviously their choice....

 

But I confess to feeling pleased when someone decides to implement my advice - which in fairness, is also the advice from many others too - and see it work for them.

To observe the process of healing, in action, is gratifying....

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Not jabbing at anyone in particular, but:

 

Past tense of learn is learned. There is no such word as learnt. Seen this so many times on here and was just buggin' me :laugh:

 

Take care...

  • Like 1
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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Okay I'm back...

 

Things I learned from LS about break ups and just break ups in general.

 

  1. No matter how many times you post, someone is always there to listen.
  2. When you type the word “alone” over and over, the 2048th character is an o.
  3. Your body is a hydration machine — even if you cry for an hour straight, you will still have tears left.
  4. TaraMaiden advice always sticks with you, even if you don't like it.
  5. There is a limit to how many times you can listen to your neighbors have sex before shoes are thrown at the wall.
  6. Sometimes the advice you don't want to hear, is the very thing you need to hear, even if it hurts.
  7. There is no limit to how many times you can listen to Christina Perri’s “Jar of Hearts,” even when the lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with your situation.
  8. Sexy pictures do not resuscitate long-lost attraction — no matter how sexy.
  9. I'm always nervous to say "I miss him" or "I broke NC" because I know I'll get crucified for it, even though LS has best intentions at heart.
  10. Chocolate is a pretty good representation of love, but it won’t hold you at night.
  11. When the cashier tells you you’re buying a “beautiful blouse,” he’s not making a statement about how beautiful you are and how stupid that guy was for letting you go.
  12. Smiling at children does not make you feel better.
  13. Giving couples dirty looks makes you feel better.
  14. My ex doesn't deserve me.
  15. You know that scene on Friends when Ross and Rachel argue and then Rachel locks the door to the coffeehouse, and then Ross tries to get in, but she has to unlock multiple locks, and then finally she opens the door, and they have that amazingly passionate kiss—oh, and of course it’s raining? Yeah.
  16. G-chat is detrimental to your non-stalking mission.
  17. That time-machine is taking way too long to be completed.
  18. There may, in fact, be a good reason all of your friends from high school stayed in town and married as soon as possible.
  19. Tons of other people get through this situation without being reduced to psychotic messes who can’t function in regular society, so you should be able to, too.
  20. When someone pushes you away, it’s not an invitation to try harder to stay.
  21. You can’t save something that’s already dead.
  22. Words are useless.
  23. In the end, it’s what he didn’t say that stays with you the most.

  • Like 4
Toddbt12y1 Established Member

Toddbt12y1

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I learned all relationships are incredibly similar.

 

Which I knew already.

 

A relationship is as frail as people themselves.

 

I honestly don't know what I've learned. As I knew most of the stuff I see on here...before coming here.

mutant Established Member

mutant

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Not jabbing at anyone in particular, but:

 

Past tense of learn is learned. There is no such word as learnt. Seen this so many times on here and was just buggin' me :laugh:

 

Take care...

 

Actually I've been using the two words interchangeably but then again English isn't my first language. Just for clarity, I've googled the word learnt and it seems to be chiefly British and yes it doesn't exist in US English. I am not nitpicking your post, just pointing out. :)

  • Like 1
Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Actually I've been using the two words interchangeably but then again English isn't my first language. Just for clarity, I've googled the word learnt and it seems to be chiefly British and yes it doesn't exist in US English. I am not nitpicking your post, just pointing out. :)

 

there is truth in that.

 

Learnt is what one did with a lesson and learned describes an erudite person.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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'Learnt' is definitely British English.

 

In the UK, we would use the term 'learned' when speaking of someone distinguished, respected and well-educated, such as a barrister referring in court, to his 'learnéd friend'.

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
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Not jabbing at anyone in particular, but:

 

Past tense of learn is learned. There is no such word as learnt

Well, there is. but only in the UK.....

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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'Learnt' is definitely British English.

 

In the UK, we would use the term 'learned' when speaking of someone distinguished, respected and well-educated, such as a barrister referring in court, to his 'learnéd friend'.

 

I'm supposed to be a learned friend.but I don't feel it.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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2 things really:

 

1) Be extremely strong and smart! Have the ability to walk away when needed. I find this quite difficult and have had much heartbreak over the years because of it.

 

2) Find happiness and satisfaction within yourself. You cannot get this from another person. As hard as I (we all) have tried, it only leads to disaster. This is a life-long pursuit and does not come easily, but is very necessary.

 

With that being said, I am not sure what my future holds, and that makes me very uneasy. It just seems so easy for things to go wrong and so hard for things to work out well. But, I am trying my best to stay positive and have hope for the future ;)

  • Like 3
siankat Established Member

siankat

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Really??? What about ol' YNL??? She is very eloquent and been around for while... No offense YNL :p

 

AND, I think ones writing style has absolutely zero to do with A) How well adjusted they are, and B) How long it takes to recover from their BU, subsequently how long they are on LS. Just sayin'...

 

 

Sorry guys, i didn't mean writing style, syntax or vocabulary. I meant that even if a person is obviously hurting, you can tell in the attitude of their post and replies and how they respond to advice as to whether or not they are gonna be sorted. Minimal to zero rehashing and backtracking and analysing of their 'problem'. Hope i have clarified.These peeps end up leaving when they have gotten what they need - which is often quicker than a lot of people. Everyone says 'move on with your life, focus on you' and these people are probably out there doing that, taking a swing at the real world instead of ruminating and nursing hurts online. Apparently you can't delete your profile :/ tried a few times. And i came back on to send a goodbye message to someone who helped me in the beginning. That's my disclaimer :D I'm as guilty as anyone!! ;)

siankat Established Member

siankat

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To be fair, some of us are perfectly well adjusted but are just bored at work sometimes...

 

I meant well adjusted in terms of dealing with a relationship that is no more..

sorry for the confusion

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
2 things really:

 

1) Be extremely strong and smart! Have the ability to walk away when needed. I find this quite difficult and have had much heartbreak over the years because of it.

 

2) Find happiness and satisfaction within yourself. You cannot get this from another person. As hard as I (we all) have tried, it only leads to disaster. This is a life-long pursuit and does not come easily, but is very necessary.

 

With that being said, I am not sure what my future holds, and that makes me very uneasy. It just seems so easy for things to go wrong and so hard for things to work out well. But, I am trying my best to stay positive and have hope for the future ;)

 

Thought about this at lunch and made a chilling realization.

 

Even experincing everything that I have in the last few months and learning all the lessons and insights and suffering quite intensly, if I was where I was 2 years ago (1 year into my RS) I would still stick around. I WOULD NOT have the strength to walk away to avoid all of the pain and anguish of the present. Well, that just plain sucks!!

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