Jump to content

What have YOU learned about relationships since joining this site?

thefooloftheyear

By thefooloftheyear
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted

Lets hear it...

 

I figured I would post here as this section gets the most activity and is usually the reason people find themselves here in the first place..

 

TFY

youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
Posted

HMM well, some people would say I've learned NOTHING.

 

But I think I've learned that staying NC isn't to play games, but to ultimately move on.

 

I've also learned that I'm not alone in this.

 

I've learned that breadcrumbs don't keep us fed for long enough.

 

I've learned that our ex's are "losers" "buttholes" "narcisstic" "jerks" etc., and we deserve better.

 

I could add more, and maybe I will later.

  • Like 4
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

I've learned that our ex's are "losers" "buttholes" "narcisstic" "jerks" etc., and we deserve better.

 

That's not really fair, is it? :p. Remember, they taught you a valuable lesson that you get to keep forever and use to your benefit...

 

Also, you have the power to make yourself feel better. Don't give away that power!!

  • Like 1
siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted

I'm gonna get hated for this and potentially called a hypocrite but...

I have learned that the most well adjusted people; based on the way they write their thread and introduce themselves to here, stay the least amount of time.

  • Like 2
all_cats_rgray Established Member

all_cats_rgray

Posted
Posted

In the end (IT IS WHAT IT IS)

 

the relationship is not a reflection of you or your worth.

 

Bottom line, Their feeling for you changed, they no longer want to be with you, they think / feel / believe / know certain that their life is better off with out you.

 

AND YOU DONT WANT to be in a relationship with some DOES NOT WANT to be with you.

 

aka i learned you can't have a one sided relationship, and thats what my relationship was.

  • Like 4
CorridorE Established Member

CorridorE

Posted
Posted

I learned that I'm certainly not the only one who is going through this.

 

That there are other people out there like my ex, because I see the old him within the posts of others. He just wasn't right for me and those exs weren't right for them, but someday someone will be as long as I don't let my past control my future.

 

I learned that NC won't bring him back, but it really does help heal if you stick with it.

 

And that I deserve better.

siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
In the end (IT IS WHAT IT IS)

 

the relationship is not a reflection of you or your worth.

 

Bottom line, Their feeling for you changed, they no longer want to be with you, they think / feel / believe / know certain that their life is better off with out you.

 

AND YOU DONT WANT to be in a relationship with some DOES NOT WANT to be with you.

 

aka i learned you can't have a one sided relationship, and thats what my relationship was.

 

I share that sentiment whole heartedly. I don't know about you but i think my thing is that i need to keep pretty neutral (if possible) about a guy while dating him for at least 6 months before making up my mind about seeing him longer term. I jump in and am quite intense and get disappointed quickly.

BustedUpInside Established Member

BustedUpInside

Posted
Posted

I learned that I have to go easier on myself. I am not a loser just because I got dumped and that everyone needs time to heal and it doesn't make me weak to just take some time feeling sorry for myself. I also learned that I really do feel a little more normal every day. Not happy, but just more like myself. The me I was before "us".

eachcomingnight Established Member

eachcomingnight

Posted
Posted

Things I've learned:

 

To echo others, I'm not alone in this - and this goes both ways. I'm not alone in experiencing the pain of being left by someone about whom I cared so seriously. My relationship is also not so special that it breaks all the typical patterns. His flip-flopping at the end was likely him wavering in the face of causing me incredible hurt.

 

I've learned that many people felt they had found "the only one" for them and then gone on to find happiness with another.

 

I still haven't given up hope in the back of my mind but I've accepted that I will need to work on moving on.

 

I've also learned that there are a lot of scumbags out there. At times, this makes me more worried about my prospects of finding someone who was as wonderful as my ex. But I am doing my best to stay optimistic about the future.

 

Thanks LS.

  • Like 1
siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
I learned that I have to go easier on myself. I am not a loser just because I got dumped and that everyone needs time to heal and it doesn't make me weak to just take some time feeling sorry for myself. I also learned that I really do feel a little more normal every day. Not happy, but just more like myself. The me I was before "us".

 

I guess that is also why people advise to work on yourself so that you up your level anyway in life for yourself so if God forbid your heart gets broken again, and you go back to who you were before the relationship, you will be happier and more comfortable doing so. (not saying you weren't but you got me thinking)

  • Like 1
NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

Posted
Posted
what have you learned about relationships since joining this site?

 

 

to trust NOBODY

  • Like 3
siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
In the end (IT IS WHAT IT IS)

 

the relationship is not a reflection of you or your worth.

 

Bottom line, Their feeling for you changed, they no longer want to be with you, they think / feel / believe / know certain that their life is better off with out you.

 

AND YOU DONT WANT to be in a relationship with some DOES NOT WANT to be with you.

 

aka i learned you can't have a one sided relationship, and thats what my relationship was.

 

i just saw the whole of your picture lol

  • Like 1
all_cats_rgray Established Member

all_cats_rgray

Posted
Posted
to trust NOBODY

 

Lol, I should not have "liked" that.

 

I also learned. I'v over.

siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted

I was surprised when i saw you clicked like on that comment :D ....you seem a much too strong and emotionally deep person to give up on something so crucial to being ..human i guess

OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

Posted
Posted

I. Listening to an opinion of the third party (LS) is a bad idea. Since all people project their own experience (in this forum it is always a bad one), so they advise something what would be helpful or suit their situation rather than yours;

 

II. Most of the relationships have same patterns and reasons to fell apart;

 

III. Confirmed some theories being right about relationships;

 

IV. If you was dumped, you was simply not good enough for the person. Any other reason (commitment issue, being afraid of being hurt, school, distance, heat of the moment and etc.) is a bs;

 

V. People mix the 'love' and 'desire' and think that when they feel desire it is love. For instance, when you love you do not question the other person's feelings. You do not show insecurity, you treat your partner like a friend. Just feeling deeper about the friendship. You do not want everything from the person, you do not want the person. As a result, you're being loved back.

When you desire, you start questioning when they do not call, or look at someone else, or like something on facebook. When you desire you're ready to beg and cry your eyes out and be a doormat if it will get you what you want. Desire makes you to think about the break-up over and over again, makes your brain go crazy questioning-hoping-questioning-hoping-feeling depressed - hoping again.

 

VI. The best way to move on is to stop wanting.

  • Like 5
McGriff Established Member

McGriff

Posted
Posted

Oh man, I've learned so much from here. A few that come immediately to mind:

 

1) human relationships are about as predictable as forecasting the weather two years from now.

 

2) enjoy them while they last, because you never know what tomorrow brings.

 

3) ALWAYS be true to who you are and what you are about. Never sacrifice your beliefs or interests for anybody.

 

4) set boundaries, and be willing to walk away first if they are crossed.

 

5) never trust a man/woman who still talks to their exes ;).

 

6) (this one may be a little controversial) always love and respect as deeply as you can.

 

7) be glad that you had that wonderful feeling for however long is lasts/lasted. Some people never experience it.

 

 

...to name a few.

  • Like 2
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
I share that sentiment whole heartedly. I don't know about you but i think my thing is that i need to keep pretty neutral (if possible) about a guy while dating him for at least 6 months before making up my mind about seeing him longer term. I jump in and am quite intense and get disappointed quickly.

 

Yup. I probably have to say this is rule #1 that I am going to stick to. Seems 6 months is about when the HS ends and reality starts to kick in. And, during these first 6 months, try as hard as possible to dig deep and find out as much as possible about the other person. My therapist and I talked quite a bit about this. The earlier you discover incompatibilities or boundries that won't be observed, the quicker you can get out before you get to invested in the 'feel good' parts of the RS, then end up on LS again :p.

 

Only thing is, at least for me, I know it will take an incredible amount of strength and determination to terminate the RS. I tend to get stuck pretty quick, no matter if it is a good, or not so good situation. I have a hard time giving up on something I want, for whatever reason :(.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
I'm gonna get hated for this and potentially called a hypocrite but...

I have learned that the most well adjusted people; based on the way they write their thread and introduce themselves to here, stay the least amount of time.

 

I couldn't agree more.....

 

 

:D

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
I couldn't agree more.....

 

 

:D

 

Really??? What about ol' YNL??? She is very eloquent and been around for while... No offense YNL :p

 

AND, I think ones writing style has absolutely zero to do with A) How well adjusted they are, and B) How long it takes to recover from their BU, subsequently how long they are on LS. Just sayin'...

  • Like 1
  • Author
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Its been interesting, to say the least, when you read some of the stories...

 

Some things I take from it...

 

-Facebook is the absolute killer of relationships. Perhaps 2 end for every one that begins. Its a haven for the weak.

 

-Realizing that accessibility and GIGS (see above) is a main factor in relationship failures.

 

-Reconciliations are a pipe dream...When they leave they arent coming back...I get that...But then again, what DOES puzzle me is that I read the tons of stories how people get dumped because the other person either got back with their ex or isnt over their ex and is continuing to communicate?? Huh??

 

-Most of the breakups you read about share the same characteristics. Only the players are different, the game is the same.

 

Many other things as well...These are a few...

 

TFY

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted

AND, I think ones writing style has absolutely zero to do with A) How well adjusted they are, and B) How long it takes to recover from their BU, subsequently how long they are on LS. Just sayin'...

 

It is unfounded and absurd to suggest that writing style has anything to do with how well one is adjusted or how one recovers from a break-up....what??!

  • Like 1
tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted

What have YOU learned about relationships since joining this site?

 

That one size doesn't fit all or even most. That I've led a sheltered life.

 

What I like about LS is the ability to observe different types of people and how they behave when under crisis, where some I've never had the opportunity to interact with, prior to joining.

Rebecca1134 Member

Rebecca1134

Posted
Posted

I've learned that my story isnt unique, that I WILL get through this. Trust me you guys. I was in HELL. I was considering suicide!!!!!!! No contact is the only way to go. It gets easier. Being alone isnt bad! In time you just wonder, why did I give him so much power? He's a worthless loser. I hope his new girlfriend enjoys herself lol

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted

I learned that I would have spared myself some grief if I had discovered this site prior to getting back to dating!

 

No, really, the biggest thing is that I'm not alone in my quest to find that special someone. That there are many good people here, though different, who are looking out for each other. I learned that it wasn't and isn't only me and sometimes, it really is the other person who's mess up! :)

bluecrabroll Member

bluecrabroll

Posted
Posted

1) Love is funny and all anecdotal patterns always have some sort of exception.

2) Self-respect is important and you should never accommodate what you think is wrong

3) A group of strangers on a forum is therapeutic in providing advice, share experiences and support

4) The only way to get someone back is Inception

5) Arranged marriages work:laugh:

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...