Can He Really Say We're Done Forever? How Can You Predict Your Feelings?!?

[123confused321]

I've made several posts about my ex-boyfriend recently. We broke up 5 weeks ago after a 2.5 year relationship. From previous posts you can see that we had some issues, mainly centering around his extreme selfishness and his tendency to always put himself first. He admitted that I was below his hobbies of softball and hunting on his list of priorities, yet still told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. However, anything I asked to do was 'stupid,' and ANYTHING that ever weant wrong was always my fault. Even if it was something HE did, he would always tell me I was too demanding, needy, clingy, unappreciative of him, when it was the TOTAL opposite. I won't go into much detail here, but I always knew there was something more going on than extreme selfishness. I have been seeing a therapist, and she has concluded that he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

 

I KNOW he is no good for me, but I still can't get over one thing he said. And a friend of mine was told the SAME thing by her ex-boyfriend, who happens to be my ex's roommate, and they happened to both end long-term relationships with us within a period of 2 weeks. And they both used the same "lines" on us.

 

They told us that we were "the one," without a doubt. We were going to get married, in fact, our relationship already felt like we were married. Then, all of the sudden, out of the blue, they break up with us so they can "discover their feelings" and "see if they miss us." Well, they concluded that they "don't miss us enough."

 

My boyfriend at first tried to pin the breakup on me, saying I "stressed him too much," which made absolutely no sense. Then, the story changed to him saying he was too selfish and proud to be in a relationship with anyone, period. Then, he tells me, "I thought you were the one, but something in the back of my mind is telling me you're not anymore." When I ask WHY he thinks I'm not the one, he says "I don't know why, I just know."

 

Well, 3 weeks post-breakup he is dating a new girl. Hmm, thought he didn't want to be in a relationship period. His defense is it's not a relationship, they're just hanging out. But then he proceeds to tell me that he feels that there is "something there" with her. And that he believes telling me I was the one was a mistake. Then, in the same conversation tells me that since I know him better than anyone, he still wants us to be friends and talk and hang out some?!? Ok, so you don't want me, you truly feel there's 'something there' with this new girl, but still want to be my friend?

 

The biggest thing I'm struggling with is this ----- he is telling me "Yes, it's over FOREVER. I know you're not the one and NOTHING is going to change that." My theory though is, if he was 100% sure I was the one once, now he's 100% sure I'm not, how can he accurately predict that he will with absolute certainty never feel this way again? He assures me he won't. My friend's ex assures her of the same thing. They're both telling us to move on, both saying that they will never find anyone like us again and that they're sure they'll regret their decision, but yet they're certain we're not the one.

 

Has anyone had a similar situation? Either as the one saying it's done forever, or the one being told this. What's your take on the situation? Do you think it's possible to say with absolute certainty it's over forever, or can emotions change?

[flitzanu]

you need him to be a prognosticator to understand he dumped you, doesnt want to date you, and has a new girlfriend?

[bluecrabroll]

Emotions do change. Sometimes people think they can do better or develop feelings for someone else. I was told those same words but look at the actions. He is not with you anymore and he is seeing someone else. He also said he does not think you are the one anymore and it is over. He is telling you that at this point in time he may not know what will happen to the girl he is seeing but for sure he is not interested in being your boyfriend. All that regret stuff and being friend's is just to soften the blow and string you along.

 

The best thing is not to dwell on the words, it will drive you crazy like it did to me. Let him go and work on yourself and do NOT be his friend. Trust me it will hurt you so much more in the long run. It is time to protect yourself.

[Jbum5]

Let's not be a fool here. Your ex-boyfriend likely lied to you. It's not that he can or can't predict his feelings - it's the fact that his feelings weren't as strong as he may have claimed or made it seemed to be in the first place. At the end of the day he didn't want to hurt you more so he resorted to using cheap words. Do yourself a favor, use the time to forget the buffoon and move on.

[BustedUpInside]

I think sometimes that some people tell people lies in order to spare their feelings. Your ex might be telling you that he knows he made a mistake and will regret it in order to avoid hurting you further than he has already by breaking up with you. I don't know either one of you, but from what you said he is selfish. It would be in a selfish character to avoid the truth if it is just going to make a bad situation even more uncomfortable. If he really thought you were "the one" (how dumb is that anyway?) wouldn't he be unwilling to let you go no matter what? I know how painful it is to be replaced in someone else's life when you weren't ready to let go, but I think that he has made his feelings pretty clear by ending the relationship, telling you it will never be resumed again, telling you that he for sure does not want you back, and then dating someone new. I know that it is hard to face the truth but there isn't anything else he could do to make it any clearer that your relationship is over.

[Rebecca1134]

This is my same story haha....my ex was the same way...told me all this **** that i did wrong...always broke up with me, blamed me...then told me he didnt want to date anyone....a month later he is serious with a new girl ahahah...dude, its so pathetic that even thinking about how upset i was makes me sick...do yourself a favor....change your number...block this idiot...hes not worth your time....hes gonna go back and forth and he CAN because you're allowing him to...stop enabling this behavior and delete him from your existence. In a month or so of no contact you'll gain some perspective and wonder why you gave him a second of your time. And yes, i DO understand what you're going through. I beg of you to trust me on this.

[Jbum5]

This man you once thought you knew is likely narcissistic and dangerous. He'll rip you a new glute-hole and yank your heart out of it. The difficulty of walking away is understandable, but know that we all have alarming bells ringing for you. You're like a dozy circus clown in the middle of the ring while the audience screams "Behind you!" Look over your shoulder and recognize that an out-of-control train wreck is headed your way, not a custard pie. Get your big floppy feet on the move and get out of the way or this buffoon will mess you up.

 

This is easy to suggest from the comfort of being a third party over the internet, apologies for the bluntness, but quit screwing around and recognize that any hopes you harbor for him are complete fantasy. You seem far too nice for this crap and that's why he's selected you. You haven't won a watch, but you are about to have your head jammed between two bricks.

 

Give yourself a break and take some time off.

[Rebecca1134]

Narcs gas light you into the submissive partner then get bored.

 

They are always on the look out to trade up

 

They will break it off simply to hurt you, your suffering proves your love which is an ego stroke: their ultimate supply.

 

From his wanting to "remain friends", he will want to watch your suffering. They claim they are done, but true narcs always come back around to get new supply. The more they screw you over the bigger high that you suffer for them, but the quicker they get bored too.

 

If he really is npd, stay away: he will never get better and will only hurt you. Start reading up on how crazy they are, it will make you thankful its over and give you the strength to move on.

 

My ex is a narc, they can really screw your head up if you don't try to understand their behavior.

 

 

Gas lighting is insidious....watch out for it....they will also call you crazy, irrational, delusional....claim you have a bad memory....make things up that happened, use you being intoxicated to their advantage.....just watch out for these things!

[flitzanu]

calling every bad guy a narcissist is like calling every bad girl a selfish beyatch. sometimes people are just jerks and don't need clinical personality malalignments.

[TaraMaiden]

Yo flitz, whassup dude?

 

[Amelie1980]

Very few things in life are so sure that there could never be the chance of regret, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, about which there are few certainties.

[flitzanu]

Yo flitz, whassup dude?

 

 

hi dollface i fell outta the loop!