DanielKammer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Over the years I've been hurt a few times, but bounced back. After getting over my partner of 5.5 years, she proceeds to continue harassing me and trying to make my life miserable. That's my only regret. Just curious if anyone else has any regrets. It's always great to share, so feel free to post your stories. What I'm most curious about is the following: What mistakes do you feel you've made? Have you perhaps pursued the wrong partner? Have you met a person you thought was right for you at the beginning and then after falling in love, realized they weren't for you only once it was too late? Sometimes partners steer you in the wrong direction and exert a negative indirect influence. Have you experienced that? How has a past or current partner gotten in the way of how you expected to live your life? Are you happy with the current partner you're dating? Why or why not?
StanMusial Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Sometimes I regret not putting more effort into relationships. Then I look back and remember the other party and realize why it went down like that. Sometimes I regret not settling down sooner and spending less time partying and more time really enjoying and appreciating creation. Then I remember the good times, the laughter, the drink, the women, the dancing and chalk it up to Evidence of a Misspent Youth. I don't regret not finding my gf sooner. I'm pretty sure we would not have made it had I met her 10 years ago. Now I think there's a chance...
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I used to have so many regrets about things. Now I truly consider them blessings and lessons in disguise. 5
Divasu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 What mistakes do you feel you've made? Have you perhaps pursued the wrong partner? Have you met a person you thought was right for you at the beginning and then after falling in love, realized they weren't for you only once it was too late? Sometimes partners steer you in the wrong direction and exert a negative indirect influence. Have you experienced that? How has a past or current partner gotten in the way of how you expected to live your life? Are you happy with the current partner you're dating? Why or why not? I regret being impulsive with my responses when my feelings have been hurt in the past. I would have preferred to been a bit removed from them emotionally. I regret falling for a person too fast based on superficial things like romance or surface kindness. I regret how I've handled disagreements in the past. I regret not ending a relationship sooner. I regret saying things I shouldn't have. I regret how I lost my virginity, ha!
Author DanielKammer Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Thanks to everyone for sharing. I recently decided to write about my experiences and I was hoping to get some ideas from you all!
BluEyeL Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I've made mistakes, but I do not regret any of them, because that's how it was supposed to play out, and I know I did my best with the abilities I had at the time. Each mistake added to my knowledge and experience, so they are part of life. That's how we learn and grow. Trial and error. 3
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't regret anything. I wish I would have met my ex sooner and it could have worked but I had no control over that I guess. I think I would have fought harder for him if I had to go back.
GI_Joy Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't regret the mistakes I've made. If I didn't make them then I wouldn't be that much wiser when it comes to love and trust. I've learned not to get so attached so quickly, and to not be so accommodating in the beginning. Mistakes are only really regrettable when you don't learn from them and continue making the same mistakes 2
KungFuJoe Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I have TONS of regrets. Holy crap do I have regrets. But, I "justify" it to myself by saying that I might not be where I am today if not for the mistakes I made. Whatever helps me sleep at night, I guess.
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I have TONS of regrets. Holy crap do I have regrets. But, I "justify" it to myself by saying that I might not be where I am today if not for the mistakes I made. Whatever helps me sleep at night, I guess. Ah, honesty. I appreciate that you are willing to admit that you have regrets at all. I am always puzzled by people who claim to have none. I can only imagine that they have lived an isolated, cloistered life w/ no appreciable interaction with human beings. I have regrets. None fatal or too painful, but regrets none the less. I do convince myself that they have been morsels to feed my experience, but I do regret them. I wish that I did not have to go through some of them to have to learn my lesson, but, alas, I did. I regret them because, if given the chance to do something again, I would. Differently. But moving on....and remembering my regrets, but not allowing them to control my present or future. 1
USMCHokie Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 My biggest regret is not trying harder (or at all) while I was in school during my early 20's...I feel like I completely wasted a decade of my life, and I think I'd be a very different person now if I had given myself a chance...
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Ah, honesty. I appreciate that you are willing to admit that you have regrets at all. I am always puzzled by people who claim to have none. I can only imagine that they have lived an isolated, cloistered life w/ no appreciable interaction with human beings. I have none. What I understand today about my family and how I grew up makes me appreciate fully why my path is what it is. I realise that makes me some spiritual nutcase but I'm serious. If I had never found loveshack I would have probably never worked out how interpersonal relationships work for me. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I have none. What I understand today about my family and how I grew up makes me appreciate fully why my path is what it is. I realise that makes me some spiritual nutcase but I'm serious. If I had never found loveshack I would have probably never worked out how interpersonal relationships work for me. Emilia, I AM HAPPY YOU FEEL THIS WAY. REALLY I AM. 1
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Emilia, I AM HAPPY YOU FEEL THIS WAY. REALLY I AM. I don't know. I think you are a little jealous 1
soccerrprp Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't know. I think you are a little jealous Hell, yah! 1
Sunfire73 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I had a lot of mistakes, I wish I did better, but I don't find it useful to regret them. It's the past and I have moved on, forgave myself and learned from them. Made me who I am now, and are powerful tools for teaching my daughters.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Over the years I've been hurt a few times, but bounced back. After getting over my partner of 5.5 years, she proceeds to continue harassing me and trying to make my life miserable. That's my only regret. Just curious if anyone else has any regrets. It's always great to share, so feel free to post your stories. What I'm most curious about is the following: What mistakes do you feel you've made? Have you perhaps pursued the wrong partner? Have you met a person you thought was right for you at the beginning and then after falling in love, realized they weren't for you only once it was too late? Sometimes partners steer you in the wrong direction and exert a negative indirect influence. Have you experienced that? How has a past or current partner gotten in the way of how you expected to live your life? Are you happy with the current partner you're dating? Why or why not? My regrets are a lot different than most peoples in that I regret actually pursuing certain women where most men regret not having pursued. In retrospect, if I had not acted, I would not have been as bitter about rejection. I don't have regrets on not approaching women in general because I approached plenty. A few years ago, I was absolutely smitten with this woman and I DID NOT pull the trigger because I reasoned to myself she would reject me and it would f@ck me up. Ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. No regrets in terms of any of the women I dated. All overall positive expriences.
ThaWholigan Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I sometimes regret not being braver when I was younger. But I believe I wasn't meant to learn as early as everyone else. 1
Jefezen Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Regrets are a waste of time, a negative expenditure of energy and emotion unless channeled toward learning how not to repeat them. Of course I have regrets. We all have regrets. They frequently consume my mind. Sometimes I regret doing too little, other times I regret doing too much. Sometimes I'm too passive, other times I'm too aggressive. I'm still trying to find that proper balance. Eventually with experience, I'm confident I'll get there. That's why I'm making the conscious choice not to dwell on my regrets. I need to turn what seems like a negative into a positive. We should think of failure not as the endpoint, rather as the building block on the path toward success. A friend of Thomas Edison's once asked him something to the effect of, "Aren't you afraid of failing a 10,000th time to perfect the light bulb?" Edison answered, "I haven't failed. I've discovered 9,999 ways how not to do it." In other words, even in failure, we succeed because we learn what not to do. And by learning what not to do, we get closer to learning what we should do, thereby bringing us closer to attaining our positive goals. It's the same with regret. We can emptily rue our mistakes or we can use them to better ourselves for the future. Forget them if you're not going to learn from them. Otherwise they'll put you in a low unresourceful place from which only depression can arise. 1
apple OR orange Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 tonnes of regrets, however if i had to do them again i would make the identical decision.... The main problem with this kind of question is you would always change your lottery numbers AFTER it happened. For me, i like to know my future and generally the more money i have the better my future, i can buy and control what i want and see it happening. With women, you cant do this, you never know what will happen, unless you happen to land the absolute perfect partner which generally never happens OR you stop learning about things once you meet them. I know quiet a few people who had a perfect partner until they day they heard about something new sexually, now there partner isnt in to this, so they want to leave or try it.... Someone after "it" happens will consider there past decision a regret.... however if they do the same thing again with the same information the same regret will happen. I dont think about changing the past as i cant do it, i generally will only think about the future and what i know i can control (and women arnt part of that as generally is a super-sized headache).
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 My personal view on life has always been something like "You keep making the same bad decisions in your life, until you've learned the lesson not to make them again...or they will just simply repeat themselves" I personally don't see my mistakes automatically as a "blessing in disguise" just because I did something stupid, or thinking It would result in something else even though I knew it would not deep down. I also very likely chose the wrong decision even after knowing it was a bad idea. Instead I take responsible for everything and be extremely honest with myself, and see what I could have done differently to have changed the result or prevent the "mistake" in the future, instead of just trying to simply forget it or move on, I take my failures seriously, probably too seriously since I'm a perfectionist in certain things. However I think the purpose of life is to have these challenges, it's what gives you an opportunity to grow. Some people grow from them, and change/evolve, others stay behind and don't really challenge themselves or figure it out, they get trapped in their cyclical behavior or addictions, they've let themselves down, unfortunately it isn't easy, probably the most difficult part of your life is simply figuring yourself out and how to prevent certain triggers/issues. I think it's personal battle and everyone has their challenges, although I'm not sure If I'd call them entirely "unique", I see many people struggle with the same issues and for similar reasons, however our emotions are personal and our own. If I could go back I would without a doubt definitely do some things differently, something I think I needed to learn, others I could have spared others the pain and trouble. I also could have taken more chances in certain things, but I've luckily been pretty bold in my life so I don't have too many of those moments where I wish I would have done or said something, but I do have them. In your case OP, I wouldn't get locked into the drama or roller-coaster. See beyond the BS and where it's actually coming from...which is emotions. Make the right decisions, handle things with poise and with responsibility, don't get thrown into the ring to do battle...that's a choice you can make, be civil and respectful and clear. I think people choose to engage in these dramas because of their emotions, but if one person steps away and doesn't fight, there is no battle. However expecting the other person to understand you or for you to change or understand them because of how they feel is never going to find a balance, it'll always be this unstable ground. Do the right thing, make the right choices and do what you have to do. If it didn't work out for whatever reason it didn't work out, move on. Otherwise you take blame for participating in that situation, nobodies holding a gun to your head, and in the end you're not going to get anywhere anyway...regrets or no regrets, you can't take back what's already been done, but that's why she's raising hell....she's not over it and still hurt...but you've got to play ball too.
Author DanielKammer Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I have none. What I understand today about my family and how I grew up makes me appreciate fully why my path is what it is. I realise that makes me some spiritual nutcase but I'm serious. If I had never found loveshack I would have probably never worked out how interpersonal relationships work for me. That's wonderful! I like to hear how people rationalize and justify their mistakes to perceive them as lessons rather than mistakes. I was hoping I'd read something like this. Keep up the positive energy, I dig it!
joystickd Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Chasing these women. My buddies will ride me for chasing telling me let them choose you don't chase. They are right.
Maleficent Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 No regrets. I take risks and trust life. There is usually something great coming out of something that turned bad. 1
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