pbjbear Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Oh please. Step away chauvinistic male responders. Who gives a **** if the guy was into her? He didnt treat her well and didnt make her happy. NEXT 6
BluEyeL Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Says the one who made me look up "asymptotic"! I didn't get this comment, I'm not focused today. Oh, forget it, I got it. I first just read "made me LOOK asymptotic". I wondered how can you look asymptotic LOL 1
BluEyeL Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Yes, in fact one of the reasons I didn't add anything to this thread, although I agreed with the posters strongly, is because I usually don't like to push people to make decisions one way or another. On the other message board I've been on for 10 years (I have really close real life friends from that board--we'll have Thanksgiving with them and their families this year, at my house, it's gonna be huge) it was kinda the same situation, people expressed very strong opinions, but in time I decided to steer away from that. However, in this case, this guy didn't seem like a prize and I truly think it was the best decision. I'm saying in principle....
ascendotum Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Success Kid meme A new meme could be....'thought boyfriend was going to break up with me.' 'left txt ending it with him beating him to the punch.' (little air punch) I had ex who was proud of being the one to pull the rip cord first on her relationships, and having the upper hand being the dumper. There is an element of this here, as much as her bf not being ideal (though it seemed more so from the cheer squad perspective than hers..even though people want her to be happy). He should not have rescheduled this talk he wanted. That was bs, but I reckon you should have got snappy and called him out on that then & there, and told him, to let you know now over the phone or come over the next night, not next week. you and everyone is really 2nd guessing what he wants to discuss. The talk could could of taken place in a park or at your place and not necessarily in a restaurant. I went back a little to see why this guy is such a prick, and saw how he had herpes + had stop-start pacing which upset you. Didn't seem like that much of a prick, but I likely missed some stuff. Just because you have been dating for a bit does not mean you are obligated to keep doing so. You should do what is in your best interests, but in a manner you are comfortable with or I'm for matching the same level of disrespect you receive for your partner. Anyway, onwards to new adventures.
BluEyeL Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 He wasn't treating her well. If he snaps at her after 2 months, how is it gonna be later? It was the best decision in this case. It really doesn't matter who pulls the plug, but it wasn't working ,from the info I got here. After 2 months, you should still be over the moon with excitement IMHO. 3
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 He wasn't treating her well. If he snaps at her after 2 months, how is it gonna be later? It was the best decision in this case. It really doesn't matter who pulls the plug, but it wasn't working ,from the info I got here. After 2 months, you should still be over the moon with excitement IMHO. He's snapping at her, jerking her emotions around like a puppet, has the STD, has a sexual hangup, reschedules... He doesn't have to be a child murderer to be a douchebag. She deserves better, and she wanted to break up with him before. 3
BluEyeL Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 He's snapping at her, jerking her emotions around like a puppet, has the STD, has a sexual hangup, reschedules... He doesn't have to be a child murderer to be a douchebag. She deserves better, and she wanted to break up with him before. I don't know the history, but just snapping at her is enough for me. If somebody snapped at me after 2 months, that would be a huge problem. The rest....more confirmation. 1
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 But i guess if he was planning a trip to Myrtle Beach that negates all that. I've surprised people with things before. I've never said, "We need to talk," and then when they clearly say they are anxious about it, rescheduled on them for a week later. This guy knew he had her dangling and could jerk her strings anytime he wanted. TC isn't a kick toy or a puppet. 1
pbjbear Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Another example of how women are supposed to tolerate being treated bad, and if we dont we are "hilarious" for how judgmental we are. Barnacle Bob would not put up with what the OP did. Loveshack.org should be called "Misogyny.org" 2
pbjbear Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 PJ. Didnt you know, he might have been plannign a surprise. C'mon now! Didnt you know for every 4 acts of kindness and 1 act of selfishness a woman shows towards a man, a woman is supposed to get 1 act of kindness and 4 acts of selfishness from a guy? And if we dont like it, we are "man haters" and "too judgmental"? LMAO. Thank you loveshack.org for my daily dose of funny at the stupidity and entitlement of some people today.
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I just Ignore the people I don't feel like arguing with. It's really nice to just bypass those certain people's comments. Anyway, I really hope TC checks in soon. 3
AMusing Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 But the reality here is that NONE of us have even the slightest clue of ahR this guy is about, what TC is about, or what the situation is. But TC gets all insecure, and then comes here bleeding. Once that blood is in the water, here come the sharks. Point is, we don't know the details, but we seem to know how to fix it. And then TC let's a bunch of strangers choose her fate. Personally, I think its hilarious. But its not real reaponsible. I haven't commented on this thread (mostly because I don't disagree with the advice already overflowing on it), but I want to humbly offer another opinion on BB's comment. Typically, when a person is so confused/bothered/desperate about her relationship that she comes to an online forum to ask for advice, that relationship isn't a healthy one. She usually knows what she should do (i.e. break up, or at least start standing up for herself), but needs support in order to do it. This was clearly the case for the OP; skimming through her past threads shows that very clearly. And that has certainly been the case most of the time I've turned to LS for advice. When the situation is less obvious, or the OP may be overreacting, most people here will acknowledge that--or at least the opinions on the thread will differ more than they have here. At least, they did that for the one post I made that fell into a grey area. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Like it or not, nothing BB said can be denied, based on all the prior posts. Let's get out of hate mode here.
BluEyeL Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I just Ignore the people I don't feel like arguing with. It's really nice to just bypass those certain people's comments. Anyway, I really hope TC checks in soon. I do exactly the same. Not worth my time and energy. Can do something else. Pjbear, you are giving them too much attention and feeding them by responding to those you despise, IMO.
Star Gazer Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 And FTR, I'm not advocating for the guy or maintaining the relationship. My posting history in this saga shows that I recommended dumping him at the very beginning, based on info she presented that served as red flags and ultimately, as we've seen, came to fruition. Since YOU were advocating dumping him a long time ago, and she was already wanting to end it but having difficulty actually pulling the trigger... What's the problem here exactly?? That she didn't reach a decision ALONE, without taking into consideration any opinion from anyone else? What's LS for? To help people who don't have their own answers. She has come after me unprovoked calling me delusional and psychoanalyzing me as having narcissistic personality disorder, so my gut tells me that in dealing with this guy, she maybe, possibly overstepped her bounds a few times. No, it sounds to me like you have a vendetta against her because she hurt your feewings. FTR, you have presented many of the traits of NPD on LS, so I would tend to agree with her. I'm sure the truth of the matter skews more toward the middle. But thats not going to prevent the girl-power wagon-circling guy-evisceration that is SOOOOO predictable in these matters. It just happened to be two women who were here for TV when she was deciding what to do. Since YOU YOURSELF acknowledge having AGREED with us that she should end it in the past, you were essentially just temporarily absent from the wagon-circle. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 its atrocious much of what's here. even as a guy it sickens me what some guys do any get away with. don't give these jerks an inch. I shouldn't have. I just want to add that I think a lot of women put up with this kind of behavior because society makes us feel like we're being clingy whenever we assert our needs. A little voice inside me kept saying, "it's your fault for asking for exclusivity." A lot of the time when I assert my needs I feel icky, as if I"m one step removed from bunny boiler. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I'm just describing the kind irrational thoughts that lead to irrational actions. Anyway, some good lessons here. 1
Star Gazer Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I shouldn't have. I just want to add that I think a lot of women put up with this kind of behavior because society makes us feel like we're being clingy whenever we assert our needs. A little voice inside me kept saying, "it's your fault for asking for exclusivity." A lot of the time when I assert my needs I feel icky, as if I"m one step removed from bunny boiler. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I'm just describing the kind irrational thoughts that lead to irrational actions. Anyway, some good lessons here. As Kamille would say, "Are you a [whatever you're afraid of looking like; in this case, a bunny boiler], TC? Of course not. So stop worrying about whether someone else might think you are." Using that little question-and-answer for myself has actually been immensely helpful. It's part of remembering that who you are isn't defined by anyone else. 1
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 TC, how are you feeling today? Has anything changed? I'm trying to bring things back to the original topic. See how well I can behave when I want to? 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 ^I'll write more when I get off from work. I'm doing okay. Thanks for checking. 7
Archgirl Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 ^I'll write more when I get off from work. I'm doing okay. Thanks for checking. Good! I've been wading through all the arguing trying to find you! I'm glad you're good
Star Gazer Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Look.....stats don't lie. She hoped things would get better? Really? When has a relationship thats ****ty in the beginning EVER gotten better. The old saying....wish in one hand, crap in the other, see which one fills up first. That applies here. Ummm, yes, really. Tons and tons of people find themselves in less than desirable relationships, and stick around in the hopes that things will turn around and get better. You're acting like that's not reality; it happens every day. And also yes, wish in one hand, crap in the other. She let go of both the wish and the crap, leaving herself with open hands to find something good. And you take issue with that? 2
FlyerFan54 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I shouldn't have. I just want to add that I think a lot of women put up with this kind of behavior because society makes us feel like we're being clingy whenever we assert our needs. A little voice inside me kept saying, "it's your fault for asking for exclusivity." A lot of the time when I assert my needs I feel icky, as if I"m one step removed from bunny boiler. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I'm just describing the kind irrational thoughts that lead to irrational actions. Anyway, some good lessons here. I've seen most irrational thoughts are precluded with emotions being tied in. It's natural...don't beat yourself up over it. Once emotions are involved with anything, most feelings are driven around that emotion. Hence, leading to irrationality when things don't go well. You had a right to ask about exclusivity, don't think it was irrational not to. Although you may feel like you're being irrational, everyone who has posted seems to be doing a good job of keeping your head in check. Over the years I've seen many level-headed people almost go off the deep end because of issues like this. Friends, family, and co-workers. Due to others not opening up, I've seen it drive the sanest people insane trying to figure out what the issue is. What drives me up a friggin wall is when I hear another guy say a girl is clingy because she told him how she feels. If anything, it's a good thing. Women should tell guys how they feel. I get more aggrivated when a woman holds back instead of opening up. I'd rather have someone put it all out there to discuss it, instead of having to probe for a single thought. Personally, I don't think it's pushy if they're being honest and straight-forward. Even if it comes off as irrational, guys should be more supportive and help them calm down, not ignore them. I'm a guy myself, but I can't stand the act a lot of guys pull off, where they can't open up and be straight forward. Too many men out there are complete pansies and can't say what they are feeling. What makes it worse is that they don't seem to care about what the other person feels, which leads to situations like this. A very close friend of mine just did this to the girl he was dating. She opened up, he said she was being clingy and he simply said in a text "Sorry we're not on the same page." He didn't have the guts to tell her that he wasn't looking for anything serious because he's been in and out of relationships for a while, and tried to get out as quick as possible. He couldn't be honest because it would show "weakness." They had been dating for a few months as well, and she was the least clingy person I've ever met. It just frustrates the hell out of me how so many people refuse to just say what's on their mind. Granted, I understand that my personality is not like most others, and everybody is different. However, I just can't wrap my head around how you've become close with a person...and then suddenly can't tell them how you feel. You should feel good about how you stuck up to this moron. Once he realizes that he screwed up, he'll be the one regretting it...not you. 3
pbjbear Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I agree with tuxedocat. I am blunt and honest. Men say they want a woman like that... Im a true testament to the fact that men dont want that (unless what Im saying is what they want to hear and strokes their ego). Women are not allowed to be selfish and assertive, if we are we are labeled as "clingy" " a bitch " and so on. The OP's male friends telling her she is too pushy pisses me off. Isnt she a human being with needs and feelings too? She didnt do anything wrong! Ive had a few men appreciate my straightforwardness but about 5 times more have not liked it at all. Its much easier and desirable for them to control a submissive person/doormat than to date someone like me apparently. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 I'm not doing too well, guys. Just looked at my phone. Can't talk about it now, too upset. I just can't wait to be over this.
Star Gazer Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I'm not doing too well, guys. Just looked at my phone. Can't talk about it now, too upset. I just can't wait to be over this. He either didn't respond or has said something to guilt you. Don't fall for either. You did what was right for you. You did. The icky feelings will pass. Time heals, I promise. We're always here to listen, help, make you feel better, etc. 1
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