Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 He just told me that he wants to delay meeting until next week. I responded that he's leaving me hanging in suspense and that if it's something upsetting I would rather discuss it now. He wrote back: "It's nothing bad I just wanted to talk about us!" This is bullsh*t. He is being so evasive. I have a commitment after work tonight but I might give him a call at 930 and leave a voice mail if he doesn't pick up. I can't call him now because we're both at work. OMG, I was going to joke earlier that he'll probably reschedule this meeting, but that I didn't because it would be in bad taste, and look what happened. Wow, **** him. I'd be so over him. 2
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Respond with, "There is no "us" to talk about." 6
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 He knows exactly what effect he's having on you, and he's enjoying it. Sick bastard. What Star Gazer said. Exactly what she said. I'd still do it by text. This guy hasn't earned enough respect to be dumped over the phone, and I have a feeling you might not be willing to do that anyway. 3
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 TC, take a chance and end it. If you wait for him to do it, your self-respect will go down and someday you'll be kicking yourself for not telling him where to shove it. 2
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm dead serious. Send that text, and don't respond to anything he responds with. Done. If you don't end it, you will be kicking yourself a year from now when you're lamenting the emotional damage YOU ALLOWED this guy to cause you. Do it. 6
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 He wrote back: "It's nothing bad I just wanted to talk about us!" My narcissistic ex did this to me. For TWO WEEKS. And then ended up breaking up with me. Hell, he told me in the SAME DAY that he wasn't going to, and then ended up doing it that night.
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Have you sent it yet? LOL I'm afraid this is going to escalate to, "Star Gazer and I are going to beat you up if you don't end this." I will stop applying pressure for now. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Have you sent it yet? Lol. I actually made a draft on my phone of that text you suggested and my finger is like hovering over the send button. This is really flippin' hard for me to do guys. I know it would be huge progress for me, though. My heart is racing.
Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Lol. I actually made a draft on my phone of that text you suggested and my finger is like hovering over the send button. This is really flippin' hard for me to do guys. What is holding you back, exactly? (Sincere question; not mean as snarky.)
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Lol. I actually made a draft on my phone of that text you suggested and my finger is like hovering over the send button. This is really flippin' hard for me to do guys. I know it would be huge progress for me, though. I know it's hard. But do it, and pat yourself on the back for taking control of your happiness, and not waiting around for this guy to just give you more evidence of why he's not worthy of a minute more of your time. 4
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Lol. I actually made a draft on my phone of that text you suggested and my finger is like hovering over the send button. This is really flippin' hard for me to do guys. I know it would be huge progress for me, though. My heart is racing. Do it. I ran a half-marathon. It was hard as hell, especially on three hours of sleep and while I was menstruating. I will FOREVER be able to say I ran those entire 13.1 miles. 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 You could try texting these lyrics: "Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf But let me tell you I got some news for you And you'll soon find out it's true And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself 'Cause I'm already gone And I'm feelin' strong I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo" Not sure how well that would go over. But it's an idea.
Divasu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm curious about something: I was on the verge of breaking things off with him.Unrelated to 'today's events', why were you considering the above?
Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm curious about something: Unrelated to 'today's events', why were you considering the above? Not to deprive the OP of a chance to answer, but I do think that Treasa summarized it upthread nicely thus: "This is the guy who's cancelled/rescheduled on you a few times, who's also made you feel not great about yourself, has a lot of baggage, including sexual baggage, and who has an STD, right?" 1
Divasu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Not to deprive the OP of a chance to answer, but I do think that Treasa summarized it upthread nicely thus: "This is the guy who's cancelled/rescheduled on you a few times, who's also made you feel not great about yourself, has a lot of baggage, including sexual baggage, and who has an STD, right?" Thank you for summarizing it (though, I did prefer the OP respond). I'm just curious why she hesitated in the first place.
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Thank you for summarizing it (though, I did prefer the OP respond). I'm just curious why she hesitated in the first place. And she said as much in the OP: she was hoping things would turn around.
Treasa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I think it's a combination of not wanting to hurt the other person, because you know how being rejected feels, and also hope that maybe they're going to change, and this bad behavior is only temporary. I can't and won't change a guy, nor do I wish to try anymore. If I am treated poorly, I walk. I'm #1. He isn't even #2. He's maybe #7 after Game of Thrones. 5
Divasu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 And she said as much in the OP: she was hoping things would turn around. Thank you, non-OP... An STD, one can't 'hope' that turns around. Someone having baggage? That takes time to process. If there was something initially about this fellow the OP disliked, why was it overlooked? I'm not pointing fingers here, I assure you. Just curious is all, and OP doesn't have to respond if she doesn't want to. I think sometimes women fall for men with 'hope' for the person he could become, but overlook the major stuff that can ultimately be the demise of a relationship.
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Thank you, non-OP... An STD, one can't 'hope' that turns around. Someone having baggage? That takes time to process. If there was something initially about this fellow the OP disliked, why was it overlooked? I'm not pointing fingers here, I assure you. Just curious is all, and OP doesn't have to respond if she doesn't want to. I think sometimes women fall for men with 'hope' for the person he could become, but overlook the major stuff that can ultimately be the demise of a relationship. The most helpful way to find these answers is to read her threads. *shrug*
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 TC: You were hovering over the send button, and now you're silent. I take it you sent it, and he's responded...?
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Why I held on at all: We had an amazing first couple of dates. Sparks flew. He was so affectionate, attentive to the point that I felt he was even more into me. That's not to say I didn't really like him--I did and was excited as hell--but I was also startled by how expressive and open he was immediately after having dated a series of shifty and restrained guys. He seemed simple and direct, and I've grown tired of complicated men. Then it was like the second I felt myself even getting a *teensy* bit attached to the idea of him, something shifted. It was a slight drop in the temperature but I felt it. It started with him rescheduling our third date. On our third date he was less touchy feely with me and I couldn't figure out why. I guess it became a self-fulfilling prophecy where I noticed the shift and reacted to it and he reacted to my reaction. I just kept hoping it would return to the way it was at the start, that somehow we could reboot. That's not realistic, I know. I tried to keep a positive outlook but that became harder as his cool behavior became more difficult to interpret as anything else. Whenever I called him on it he said to me "I'm a really complicated person" without explaining what he meant. The last time he said that I wanted to blurt out in frustration, "Get over yourself! We're all complicated!" Clearly he's not the direct guy I thought he was. Anyway there needs to be a basic level of mutual warmth and affection for a relationship to grow and that is totally gone at this point. To answer your question: the reason I held on is because I thought he would be different from the others at first and it was hard for me to let go of that idea. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I sent it about twenty minutes ago and then I shut off my phone. I'm worried that whatever he responds with I'll be tempted to respond back. I'm like afraid of my phone right now. I keep glancing at it across the room. 5
Star Gazer Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I sent it about twenty minutes ago and then I shut off my phone. I'm worried that whatever he responds with I'll be tempted to respond back. Understand. Were you clear and final, or did you leave room for waffling?
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Understand. Were you clear and final, or did you leave room for waffling? I said: "There is no "us" to talk about. I want to be with someone who has the strength to be direct and honor his commitments. Take care." 14
Recommended Posts