Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I know exactly what she's doing because she is like me. She loves her ex still, and is open to reconciliation if the proper words and actions are displayed. Hope is not dead here. Hope is very much alive. Like me, blocking and deleting closes the door on something that she is hopeful for. I get it. That's why I haven't deleted my ex's number. Don't give her sh*t for this. Everyone has to live their own lives. I, for one, think she is doing everything right. FOR HER. Keep doing what your doing Young. Stay the course. Fair enough. But the OP's ex created an entirely new email account when she blocked him, showing that he is readily capable of getting in touch with her if he has something urgent and new to communicate, i.e., if he decides that he wants to offer her a committed relationship. Anything else, in my opinion, will just continue to open the wound.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I know exactly what she's doing because she is like me. She loves her ex still, and is open to reconciliation if the proper words and actions are displayed. Hope is not dead here. Hope is very much alive. Like me, blocking and deleting closes the door on something that she is hopeful for. I get it. That's why I haven't deleted my ex's number. Don't give her sh*t for this. Everyone has to live their own lives. I, for one, think she is doing everything right. FOR HER. Keep doing what your doing Young. Stay the course. She's been doing this for multiple years. The only reason hope is still alive is because she's creating that hope in her head. I mean, some people hope they can fly someday. You seem to interpret that as "cool, just keep jumping out of a plane without a parachute, maybe eventually you won't splat on the ground". I tend to advise people to wear a parachute or take airplane flying lessons. Deleting or blocking an ex's number is for your own good. Removing that from the equation allows you to flush out the bad and move forward, to resettle yourself. Because what's the point of getting together with anyone -- be it your ex or whoever -- when you stay stagnant in the herp-derp emotional goofiness stage? This poster has been on and off the wagon like an alcoholic. This isn't the first time she's faced this scenario. Recovery/moving on/reconciliation is hard enough without adding a degree of difficulty on top of it. 2
EmptyWalls Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 *heart racing, finger nail biting, anxiously listening, feet tapping, damn him, he's bound to give me a heart attack* He called at 1am (same time he wrote that email a week ago). I was sound asleep so didn't get it till I woke this morning. The voice mail wasn't anything special. He basically just said, "Hey, it's me, it's 1am and I just wanted to see how you are doing, I can't sleep and I called because I thought maybe you couldn't sleep either. Just thinking of you, and I hope you are doing well...give me a call if you want. Talk to you later" He sounded really depressed. His voice was not his normal self. In a way I'm mad and sad. I'm mad because I told him that I would be ignoring him as I move on because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Why does he think it's okay to call me? Every time I try really hard to move on, he won't let me. EVERY.TIME. I'm sad because I miss him and this is hard to ignore someone you love. I'm stuck. What a crappy voice mail! Didn't even say I love you or I miss you. Then he puts it all on you to try and figure it out. Probably feeling down or maybe it was a tough day... and wants you to make him feel better, seems selfish. He will keep contacting you probably. He knows what you want and what you need, but cant give it to you. You know what you have to do beautiful, we all do its just so hard carrying it out. Like I said he don't deserve you! You deserve better than "that". I know its tough and it only seems like words but it helps to have the reassurance, to know someone is listening, to have your back. I think everyone on here has your back. Keep that chin up! Keep posting! It helps to have someone to catch us when we fall or trip. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 She's been doing this for multiple years. The only reason hope is still alive is because she's creating that hope in her head. I mean, some people hope they can fly someday. You seem to interpret that as "cool, just keep jumping out of a plane without a parachute, maybe eventually you won't splat on the ground". I tend to advise people to wear a parachute or take airplane flying lessons. Deleting or blocking an ex's number is for your own good. Removing that from the equation allows you to flush out the bad and move forward, to resettle yourself. Because what's the point of getting together with anyone -- be it your ex or whoever -- when you stay stagnant in the herp-derp emotional goofiness stage? This poster has been on and off the wagon like an alcoholic. This isn't the first time she's faced this scenario. Recovery/moving on/reconciliation is hard enough without adding a degree of difficulty on top of it. I've been saying this forever. We've all been "there" to some degree. And we know its just a sh*tty battle with yourself. Stop driving yourself insane. You could be using all this time to enjoy life. So much better stuff out there. 1
itto ogami Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) You can read my lengthy tale of woe and NC but it does make things better and worse when the ex chimes in. I've been in faithful NO CONTACT since I was dumped with a truly pathetic Facebook message (yep - and that made me easily go instant NC as it was the final straw in a bale of disrespect). Of course, she has sent repeated messages and even tried to add me as a friend TWICE after I deleted her immediately upon receiving her break-up message. It's hard to figure out the psychology and in the end, not worth it. But clearly the dumper wants the cake and eat it too. And whats hilarious is that my dumper doesn't get that what pissed me off the most was being dumped in a message. She hasn't apologized and I don't expect her to now. Although I do want to tell her that dumping someone with a text or FB message is not my idea of a friend under any situation so she at least gets that. And I get the satisfaction of having her repeatedly contact me -- in the midst of the NEW RELATIONSHIP she was apparently already in while we were dating -- and knowing that at least my radio silence has effected her. But it kinda pulls me back after every message because altho you want to move on, there's that sad little kid saying, "what if they want you back?" But I would still tell that kid, "No way." Just keep on. NC is one of the HARDEST things i've ever done in my life. And the most EMPOWERING. But I'm confronting myself and bettering myself in ways I never would have thought possible. And that will open the doors for a genuine healthy loving relationship. And that starts with loving yourself and having the self-worth to walk away from toxic people. Edited May 1, 2013 by itto ogami
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 You can read my lengthy tale of woe and NC but it does make things better and worse when the ex chimes in. I've been in faithful NO CONTACT since I was dumped with a truly pathetic Facebook message (yep - and that made me easily go instant NC as it was the final straw in a bale of disrespect). Of course, she has sent repeated messages and even tried to add me as a friend TWICE after I deleted her immediately upon receiving her break-up message. It's hard to figure out the psychology and in the end, not worth it. But clearly the dumper wants the cake and eat it too. And whats hilarious is that my dumper doesn't get that what pissed me off the most was being dumped in a message. She hasn't apologized and I don't expect her to now. Although I do want to tell her that dumping someone with a text or FB message is not my idea of a friend under any situation so she at least gets that. And I get the satisfaction of having her repeatedly contact me -- in the midst of the NEW RELATIONSHIP she was apparently already in while we were dating -- and knowing that at least my radio silence has effected her. But it kinda pulls me back after every message because altho you want to move on, there's that sad little kid saying, "what if they want you back?" But I would still tell that kid, "No way." Just keep on. NC is one of the HARDEST things i've ever done in my life. And the most EMPOWERING. But I'm confronting myself and bettering myself in ways I never would have thought possible. And that will open the doors for a genuine healthy loving relationship. And that starts with loving yourself and having the self-worth to walk away from toxic people. Just curious. How long NC?
itto ogami Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 It will be two months next week. I had no idea there even WAS a NO CONTACT RULE. I just did what came naturally. She had pushed me past the point of reply or needing to by dismissing me with a fb message. And the pressure was so great within me that I just did what many FEEL and KNOW to be the right thing: disengage and detox. The addiction analogy is pretty damn apt. And it does get better. When I obssess, it's over trivial things like, I should have had more sex but I never trusted her so...And she has pattern of creating much drama so no matter what you do, it's going to unravel because some people have to let things happen that way. The worst thing is that she works just half a mile from my front door and i find that the worst part of the day is when she gets off as we'd always leave together. The thought of the new guy waiting for her -- the guy she slept with while she carried on conversations with the three of us as if they were just pals -- is the tough part. Even tho logically i know she was playing terrible games that aren't worthy of my self-respect or dignity. No Contact has restored most of that since my last "alpha" act was degrading her from lover to nothing. Of course, her last message was asking how mad I would be if she came to my gig next week (I'm a musician) -- incredible. And I fear she's looking to make some kind of scene by even bringing the new guy. Who she is already using for her own drama, showing this new fella is headed for similair treatment... But NC works, it's your sword and shield.
Jingle14 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Of course he called you. They seem to have radar for when we've begun to move on, don't they? And if you respond, it will serve solely as the ego boost he's pining after right now. Don't take the bait; I think any kind of response would serve to boost his ego, so keep ignoring him. In order to preserve your own sanity/happiness, I'd suggest blocking him. Do you really think so? Is this what makes them contact us, when they think we're no longer an option and even when they possibly have someone else?
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