youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 *heart racing, finger nail biting, anxiously listening, feet tapping, damn him, he's bound to give me a heart attack* He called at 1am (same time he wrote that email a week ago). I was sound asleep so didn't get it till I woke this morning. The voice mail wasn't anything special. He basically just said, "Hey, it's me, it's 1am and I just wanted to see how you are doing, I can't sleep and I called because I thought maybe you couldn't sleep either. Just thinking of you, and I hope you are doing well...give me a call if you want. Talk to you later" He sounded really depressed. His voice was not his normal self. In a way I'm mad and sad. I'm mad because I told him that I would be ignoring him as I move on because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Why does he think it's okay to call me? Every time I try really hard to move on, he won't let me. EVERY.TIME. I'm sad because I miss him and this is hard to ignore someone you love. I'm stuck.
iouaname Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 My ex did this for me as well when I went no contact. He would call me once a week, and then eventually twice a week. Then when he finally got in touch with me, he just reinforced that he didn't want to be with me and that he was only contacting me to check up on me Even though there wasn't much that I could do about it, I regret so much that contact got broken. Is a part of you still hoping he will regret his decision and change his mind? I know that that is where I was at this point. He would call and I would hope that it was a sign that he wanted to get back together. I don't know if that's how you feel, but if it is, I know how difficult it is to move on at that phase...
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 *heart racing, finger nail biting, anxiously listening, feet tapping, damn him, he's bound to give me a heart attack* He called at 1am (same time he wrote that email a week ago). I was sound asleep so didn't get it till I woke this morning. The voice mail wasn't anything special. He basically just said, "Hey, it's me, it's 1am and I just wanted to see how you are doing, I can't sleep and I called because I thought maybe you couldn't sleep either. Just thinking of you, and I hope you are doing well...give me a call if you want. Talk to you later" He sounded really depressed. His voice was not his normal self. In a way I'm mad and sad. I'm mad because I told him that I would be ignoring him as I move on because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Why does he think it's okay to call me? Every time I try really hard to move on, he won't let me. EVERY.TIME. I'm sad because I miss him and this is hard to ignore someone you love. I'm stuck. Because he knows that it will cause this reaction, which in turn will cause you to cave to his wishes. Why does he know this? Because it's been proven over time that when he claps, you jump. Honestly, it has very little to do with him "not letting you" move on and more to do with you not letting yourself move on. And yes, I know that the process of moving on is a tough one, especially when you have relapsed in the past. But most things worth doing are. I'm guessing you didn't break NC, which is good. Don't and let it pass. He is pulling at the string because he thinks you are weak and you will cave. Show him he's wrong. 5
bluecrabroll Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Fight the temptation! You have been doing well maintaining NC, do not reset the clock. If he wants you back he'll make more of an effort than a depressing 1am call to see how you are doing. It seems mostly for his validation and to fill his temporary void. Be strong! Block his number, block his email. Keep writing your lovely posts. =D 4
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 My ex did this for me as well when I went no contact. He would call me once a week, and then eventually twice a week. Then when he finally got in touch with me, he just reinforced that he didn't want to be with me and that he was only contacting me to check up on me Even though there wasn't much that I could do about it, I regret so much that contact got broken. Is a part of you still hoping he will regret his decision and change his mind? I know that that is where I was at this point. He would call and I would hope that it was a sign that he wanted to get back together. I don't know if that's how you feel, but if it is, I know how difficult it is to move on at that phase... YES. A dumb part of me thinks this. The other part of me, who keeps NC, says that this is just breadcrumbs, doesn't mean anything. I have an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders basically. A friend told me that if he isn't showing up at your door with flowers and saying he made a mistake, then don't contact him back. So, NC it is...I just think it's selfish of him what he is doing. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 YES. A dumb part of me thinks this. The other part of me, who keeps NC, says that this is just breadcrumbs, doesn't mean anything. I have an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders basically. A friend told me that if he isn't showing up at your door with flowers and saying he made a mistake, then don't contact him back. So, NC it is...I just think it's selfish of him what he is doing. Of course it's selfish. The dude has been selfish the entire time. Why would it change now? 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Fight the temptation! You have been doing well maintaining NC, do not reset the clock. If he wants you back he'll make more of an effort than a depressing 1am call to see how you are doing. It seems mostly for his validation and to fill his temporary void. Be strong! Block his number, block his email. Keep writing your lovely posts. =D Thank you. You are right, he would make more of an effort, but he isn't. Not yet. I know he has a huge ego and is very insecure. This won't be the last time he tries to contact me, especially when I ignore him. I almost feel like he might show up at my door next. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Of course it's selfish. The dude has been selfish the entire time. Why would it change now? I know Mr. Bad Cop. It's still hard though. Should I ignore or write an email saying that I'm still trying to move on and please respect my privacy? What is the classy thing to do?
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I know Mr. Bad Cop. It's still hard though. Should I ignore or write an email saying that I'm still trying to move on and please respect my privacy? What is the classy thing to do? F--k being classy. It's about self-preservation at this point. Do nothing and keep doing nothing. 4
venusianx13 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Of course he called you. They seem to have radar for when we've begun to move on, don't they? And if you respond, it will serve solely as the ego boost he's pining after right now. Don't take the bait; I think any kind of response would serve to boost his ego, so keep ignoring him. In order to preserve your own sanity/happiness, I'd suggest blocking him. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 F--k being classy. It's about self-preservation at this point. Do nothing and keep doing nothing. I'll be the first one to say that him contacting me is emotionally detrimental. I want to call him back. I want to run over to him and be with him. BUT, this time I'm doing different things because I want different results. Doesn't mean it will be easy for me. It's damn hard. I'm trying to get by... 1
siankat Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Rock in a hard place. I feel for you. I would not like the fact he's calling at 1am unless he knows this is your awake time. Often the dumpers calls are self oriented and not with your best interests at heart. I know this for myself as i have been on both sides :/ I hope you do what is right for you
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Of course he called you. They seem to have radar for when we've begun to move on, don't they? And if you respond, it will serve solely as the ego boost he's pining after right now. Don't take the bait; I think any kind of response would serve to boost his ego, so keep ignoring him. In order to preserve your own sanity/happiness, I'd suggest blocking him. I made my own personal decision to not block him because him calling me, texting me, emailing me, shows that I have the power. And this power is necessary when moving on. People will beg to differ, but I would like to do this for now. I'm strong enough to resist his calls, even though it is hard. I haven't made contact. It's like exercising a muscle, it's tough at first, you are sore at times, but you get stronger by doing so.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'll be the first one to say that him contacting me is emotionally detrimental. I want to call him back. I want to run over to him and be with him. BUT, this time I'm doing different things because I want different results. Doesn't mean it will be easy for me. It's damn hard. I'm trying to get by... Life is hard. Everyone who is wildly successful at their craft has had to work hard. Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, etc. It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, then sites like this wouldn't exist because everyone would have had it figured out. You know what will happen if you go down that rabbit hole. You've been down there more times than you can count. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Don't be insane. Don't be stuck in the same pattern for years and don't be a cautionary tale. You know what you have to do. You just have to do it. No excuses, play like a champion. 1
McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I wish I had your strength. I have undergone an assault of texts and other contacts the last two weeks, and I caved. I know the feeling if loving someone and seemingly turning your back on them. I'm not that kind of person, and she knew that and used it against me. I really wish that I hadn't answered. It is true, that IF he wants you back (and he may, he may not), he will let you know unequivocally. MAYBE he's headed in that direction as you've turned up the pressure on NC. Keep the pressure on. Don't release it now. You are doing really good, posting your thoughts on here and getting through this intense emotional time. If you give in now, he will know what he has to do when he starts feeling uncomfortable. If anything, YOU just got more affirmation that's he's thinking about you, and that's better than a lot of people here. Take that as a positive and continue on your journey wherever it leads. Stay firm! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I made my own personal decision to not block him because him calling me, texting me, emailing me, shows that I have the power. And this power is necessary when moving on. People will beg to differ, but I would like to do this for now. I'm strong enough to resist his calls, even though it is hard. I haven't made contact. It's like exercising a muscle, it's tough at first, you are sore at times, but you get stronger by doing so. See, I think you are playing with fire here. I equate this to playing a video game. You keep dying at the same level playing at the same degree of difficulty. But instead of playing at an easier degree of difficulty until you can beat that level, you keep going back and doing the same thing. Win at the easy level (blocking) before you go to the intermediate level. It's not a power struggle against him. He doesn't matter. It's a power struggle against you. You are fighting yourself right now. You need to switch your focus away from what he's doing and how you look to him and focus that 100 percent on what you are doing. Blocking isn't showing weakness. It's showing intelligence. 6
bluecrabroll Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Be a master of your emotions. Remove all temptations. Blocking him will provide you with no temptations, no more breadcrumbs and help you move on. Blocking him gives you more power because instead of waiting for a stimulus or a "power up, muahahaha ignore!" you are doing it all preemptively and it is saying "I don't need this **** anymore. I'm sticking to what I said; if you want a relationship you know what to do and where to find me."
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I wish I had your strength. I have undergone an assault of texts and other contacts the last two weeks, and I caved. I know the feeling if loving someone and seemingly turning your back on them. I'm not that kind of person, and she knew that and used it against me. I really wish that I hadn't answered. It is true, that IF he wants you back (and he may, he may not), he will let you know unequivocally. MAYBE he's headed in that direction as you've turned up the pressure on NC. Keep the pressure on. Don't release it now. You are doing really good, posting your thoughts on here and getting through this intense emotional time. If you give in now, he will know what he has to do when he starts feeling uncomfortable. If anything, YOU just got more affirmation that's he's thinking about you, and that's better than a lot of people here. Take that as a positive and continue on your journey wherever it leads. Stay firm! Thank you for this. I wouldn't say I have strength. I just am determined now. There is a thin line between determination and desperation. If it is meant to be, it will. If not, I'm going to keep moving forward. I still don't think he has tried hard enough if his end goal is wanting me back. If he really wants me back, nothing will stop him right?
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I've been watching your posts for a while now, and I simply have to ask why you are still allowing this? He seems to be causing you a HUGE amount of pain. I mean post after post after post. Why not block his or change your number? Maybe you like the attention? If you touch the flame and burn your finger once. OK, lesson learned. If you still keep sticking your finger in the flame, then maybe a deeper issue at hand? 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I've been watching your posts for a while now, and I simply have to ask why you are still allowing this? He seems to be causing you a HUGE amount of pain. I mean post after post after post. Why not block his or change your number? Maybe you like the attention? If you touch the flame and burn your finger once. OK, lesson learned. If you still keep sticking your finger in the flame, then maybe a deeper issue at hand? I'm coming here on LS to vent, to dump my feelings, to try to learn from them and to have motivation to keep going forward. I seek advice, solace and support. Not anything less. If this is becoming a problem, me venting and coming here to post, I will back off. I didn't know it bothered you guys so much. I'm logging off for now.
McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I know exactly what she's doing because she is like me. She loves her ex still, and is open to reconciliation if the proper words and actions are displayed. Hope is not dead here. Hope is very much alive. Like me, blocking and deleting closes the door on something that she is hopeful for. I get it. That's why I haven't deleted my ex's number. Don't give her sh*t for this. Everyone has to live their own lives. I, for one, think she is doing everything right. FOR HER. Keep doing what your doing Young. Stay the course.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Just remember, as so many have stated before. NC is NOT a tool to get back the ex. It IS a tool for you to move forward and move on. Plain and simple.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Just hang in there....Everyone has an opinion, but the fact is that only you can dictate what is the right timetable for healing... Sorry you are in pain. TFY
Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 See, I think you are playing with fire here. I equate this to playing a video game. You keep dying at the same level playing at the same degree of difficulty. But instead of playing at an easier degree of difficulty until you can beat that level, you keep going back and doing the same thing. Win at the easy level (blocking) before you go to the intermediate level. It's not a power struggle against him. He doesn't matter. It's a power struggle against you. You are fighting yourself right now. You need to switch your focus away from what he's doing and how you look to him and focus that 100 percent on what you are doing. Blocking isn't showing weakness. It's showing intelligence. Excellent analogy, SP. OP, what Simon says above about the power struggle actually being internal is a crucial point. I think blocking your ex could be a huge step for you & would eliminate a source of anxiety/emotional trigger while you are trying to move forward. Sending good thoughts.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm coming here on LS to vent, to dump my feelings, to try to learn from them and to have motivation to keep going forward. I seek advice, solace and support. Not anything less. If this is becoming a problem, me venting and coming here to post, I will back off. I didn't know it bothered you guys so much. I'm logging off for now. Not bothering anyone, but we are offering you advice and support, but the posts from you are basically the same info on a different day. One, and only one piece of advice. Pure NC, now!!! Anything else and you will just re-post the same message again in a day or two. The bottom line is (and I have to absorb this one too) is that he left, and most likely (99%) he is not coming back. You must grasp this!! Personally, I would love to see a string of posts from you starting today about how you have 5 days, then 10 days, then 30 days, then 60, then 90 days, then 6 months NC and how much better you feel. I don't like reading how terrible you feel. I really don't.
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