senoritabonita Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I can´t seem to understand my current relationship. We have been together for over a year. It is a long distance relationship, he lives in Paris, me Madrid. He is Italian, I am Italian-Canadian. I am 27 he is 28. We never see eye-to-eye on any of the problems we face as a couple. I feel like I am always in the wrong when I have never lied, cheated or tried intentionally to hurt him. In the beginning of the relationship, we had really lovely moments, but then socially he would ditch me at parties, etc. Not introducing me to others, speaking Italian only infront of me (I don´t speak very well). But behind closed doors he was very sweet and seemed like a really lovely person. Last summer, in July, he surprised me with a trip to Italy and Cannes. In August, however, he took a month-long trip I was not happy about to Thailand, but we were still new so I couldn´t say much. He went with his guy friend and inevitably cheated. I knew he was because I had a horrible gut feeling the entire time he was there. When I told him I was uncomfortable he was staying out until 6am over the phone while he was there, he would get mad at me and tell me he´s not doing anything and he thought I was ok with it, that he was on vacation. He confessed he only "kissed" the other girl. He came back and was a different man, completely in love, calling all of the time, barely going out and totally devoted to making our relationship work. I continued asking if something went on in Thailand (because I found a cut on his genitalia) and after months of lying to me, he finally confessed he had "kissed" this girl. I went through his phone to find he made a date with her (as she also lived in Paris) and then cancelled it and never wrote her again. I was so confused about things but he promised he´d change and he went crazy trying to get me to continue things with him. He still had his horrible off moments like ..a girl came up to him at a halloween party at my friend´s house and asked what he was doing in Madrid, to which he responded "I´m on vacation" instead of saying he was with me. Staring at multiple women infront of my face to the point of moving his head if someone was blocking him. Always craving attention from women, flirting with them, and even pointing them out to his friends infront of me. All of this, now, he either says is not a big deal, he says he was not flirting and he has never disrespected me at all infront of anyone or, he just denies everything he does, and expects me to go on like that. Recently, while on his computer his skype opened and I checked out this girl caroline who I knew was an ex lover who used to live in Paris and now lives in Vienna. She wrote to him back in early September that it was really nice seeing him again (in September) and that she missed him as she had just moved to Vienna. When I approached him about this, why he did not tell me, etc.. he screamed at me like crazy NOT for snooping but for getting angry about it because it was not a big deal. He said he did not tell her he had a girlfriend because it was not important and none of her business. He said nothing happened with them but why did he lie? He also made A HUGE deal that I wanted him to add me as his girlfriend on facebook. I only asked this to see his reaction and boy did he get upset about it because facebook is such a fake world and I should not be speaking about it. i should be happy enough knowing he is my boyfriend. He has introduced me to his parents and wants to come to Canada to meet mine. The thing is, I want to move back to Toronto, where my family is. I have been abroad for four years now, and I want to settle down properly in a country with a good economy. I want to make some money, and be with my friends, etc. I also feel like I want someone who would give himself more to me. He has said he would come to Canada but won´t live there forever. I know he won´t really fit in and he has insulted the country, its people and my family multiple times during arguments. To which he denies completely now. He also was taking a good friend of his (female) out to dinner several times throughout the year we´ve been together. They used to be intimate and now they are not but they used to go out until 1 am for dinner just talking WHILE we were together..dinner which he paid for because she is unemployed, where the two of us go halvsies. He gave her the keys to his apartment years ago for emergency, and I do not have a set of his keys. When I brought this up to him he said there is no point in me having his keys and I am making up reasons to argue. Again, he got completely upset at me. We constantly bicker about things because he wants me to move in with him in Paris and I told him I want to go to Toronto as in paris there are not many opportunities for me. He recently applied for an incredible job in Vienna and wants me to come with him, but, and he just told me, he´d have to travel for four months out of the year! He is a nuclear engineer,..that is NOT necessary. He has also warned me he will be working late in the future (only to trigger more paranoid thoughts for me of his infidelity) and when I bring up how could he say this to me he gets so angry that I make everything such a big deal and inevitably it all becomes one big argument. Also, last week he came to stay with me and he hid his phone inside his luggage during the night... At the end of the day, I am tired of travelling. He has called me extremely selfish and "fake" as he thinks I am just using him to make some last memories in Europe. Meanwhile, I am facing sleepless nights knowing I have to make a decision soon because my contract ends in Madrid in June and I want to head to Canada at least for the summer. I know my parents will really be upset if I leave again. Especially because now my brother and his wife are having a baby this summer and they want me to be there for this. I also know that I make my own decisions but I really want to listen to my family this time. I don´t want to lose him because at this point we have a friendship despite these arguments, but if he never agrees with anything I think or say how can I go on? Am I in the wrong here? I don´t want to paint him like such a bad person. I feel like now he really is devoted to working on things but I can´t help but look at the past and wonder why I´d want to commit to someone who has hurt me. He really does love me and when we have had serious problems he has flown to Madrid to be with me. He has shown alot of dedication but at the same time he has had his moments as seen up above.
TaraMaiden Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Is this a joke? This isn't love.... you're kidding, right? This is hanging onto something because you have become dependent. He is mistreating you, big-time. This guy is so abusive, hateful, manipulative and ....wrong. Just so wrong.... Why the hell, in the name of everything that is sane and wonderful, are you even still with him?? 1
Radu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Do not move in with this guy. Do not stay with this guy. Do not go with this guy to Canada [unless you want to end up involving the Police at some point ... i see abuse in your future with him]. Just go, and tell him f off. He is nothing but bad news, everything you said so far has been normal, apart from your reaction to him telling you that he will work late, but if put in the context of this post ... it's understandable. PS: He did have sex in Thailand.
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