ana0pera Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 It's been 21 days since I said goodbye and told my ex I'm going NC. I have been doing pretty good, the fact that i've been busy with work and flirting with new guys has surely helped. I have felt like I was moving on, and I didn't really miss him and saw all the holes in our relationship. While it's been frustrating because I'm starting all over again getting to meet people and feel comfortable with them, whereas I already felt comfortable with him. But I've come to terms with the thought that he's moving on, and so must I. That we were not a good fit for each other. Or so I thought. Today has been pretty rough. I was constantly reminded of him this past week as friends asked me how I was doing, if I still talk to him, etc. We closed on a good note after my last meltdown and I felt stronger when I talked to him, like I was moving on. Today I feel like I am in a rut and can't get out of it though, and it kills me to know that he probably isn't hurting over this at all anymore, especially since he is the one who called it quits and hasn't reached out to me at all, even though he said we should still be friends and keep in contact, hopeful that maybe we can get back together in the future. He is a jerk, I know it. I feel like he told me a lot of lies and once he got what he wanted, when things got difficult, he was done with me. That is what I tell myself at least. But I don't believe that wholeheartedly and days like today I reflect on that memory of him--the memory of us--the good times, and reminisce in a destructive way. Thinking about what we could be if we were still together, instead of what I am becoming now that we are apart. I really hate drowning in self-pity and I am so tempted to just text him to let him know that I miss him... not necessarily romantically, but in terms of our friendship. To let him know that I am not as strong as I've lead on, but that's not going to help, now is it? Moving on is hard some days.
stephgabriele Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm going through something close to your situation. I'm nearing the same time as you but with contact. Trust me, you're doing amazing. I have been ripping my hair out even though we still talk. I can't imagine no contact but I have to do it soon...I know it seems like it'll never happen but you will do just fine. You sound very strong.
Author ana0pera Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 In some ways I think talking all the time keeps the wounds open, if you know you're broken up and are acting like you are moving on whether you are or aren't. Even though it's hard, I would try NC or at least not talking each and every day. I am having a relapse because I was moving on and acting strong, then realized i am not completely over him like I thought I was. Even though we did horrible things to each other and I like someone else I still have strong feelings for him. I don't know if he feels this way about me anymore and I wish I knew but I also know asking wont make it any better for either of us -_-
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