The "woo"!

[Star Gazer]

Knowing how to woo isn't the problem.

 

The problem is that it doesn't work.

 

You realize that you're saying this to WOMEN on whom wooing DOES work and HAS worked?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

You realize that you're saying this to WOMEN on whom wooing DOES work and HAS worked?

 

I find that hard to believe. I've never seen it work IRL.

 

With my current gf, I didn't "woo" her, unless you consider meeting her, asking her out a few times, getting her friends to like me, and having sex with her on the second hangout wooing....

 

I call it solid game, personally.

[tbf]

Knowing how to woo isn't the problem.

 

The problem is that it doesn't work.

If so, either the girl's not that into you or you're doing it wrong.

[Pyro]

Well true. You're excepted since you gave CE flowers when she arrived the first time. *pins lance romance badge on Pyro*

 

Bonus points to you for remembering that and noting it here on the thread.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

If so, either the girl's not that into you or you're doing it wrong.

 

If the girl wasn't that into me, then she wouldn't turn around when I started acting aloof, no?

[tbf]

If the girl wasn't that into me, then she wouldn't turn around when I started acting aloof, no?

If a girl chases after you when you start acting aloof, she's not long-term material. This means she's got something to prove where it's not really about you and all about her baggage.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

If a girl chases after you when you start acting aloof, she's not long-term material. This means she's got something to prove where it's not really about you and all about her baggage.

 

It still works MUCH better than your idea lol.

[Ruby Slippers]

Truthfully? Most of us don't quite get the difference between the kind of persistence that wins a girl over, versus being that desperate stalker who can't see that she just isn't interested. That women tend to put out so easily towards guys they are into doesn't help matters.

 

I know not what you wanted to hear. Real talk though.

I agree with this comment. Unsavory dating behavior from men isn't women's fault or responsibility - but in general, they'll only jump as high as they need to to clear the bar. Many women set the bar low by giving men the ultimate biological reward - sex - so easily. I've made this mistake myself.

 

You mean men wont greet me with freshly laundered golden retriever puppies, write me love poems, create sculptures of me, describe my body as "wonderland"? Thats disappointing.

I've actually experienced adoration on the level of your examples - and that's because I wouldn't be won over with less than amazing.

 

Women have an almost infinite power to inspire men to be amazing.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I agree with this comment. Unsavory dating behavior from men isn't women's fault or responsibility - but in general, they'll only jump as high as they need to to clear the bar. Many women set the bar low by giving men the ultimate biological reward - sex - so easily. I've made this mistake myself.

 

 

I've actually experienced adoration on the level of your examples - and that's because I wouldn't be won over with less than amazing.

 

Women have an almost infinite power to inspire men to be amazing.

 

LOL at the bolded. Sorry, hun. I inspire myself to be amazing. My girlfriend's presence in my life is simply an extension of my own amazingness that was present before her and will be present way after her.

[sillyanswer]

Think John Cusack standing outside your bedroom window with a boombox over his head. THAT is the very definition of the woo.

 

In fact, everything he does in that movie is the woo.

 

You do realise that's fiction and not documentary, right?

[Woggle]

Much of this stuff would be considered stalking nowadays. No way in hell am I standing outside the window with a boom box if somebody dumps me. People who demand that watch too many movies.

 

I am a romantic at heart but I like the fact that my wife and I got together on equal footing instead of one trying to impress the other.

[sillyanswer]

We're all OH so impressed with your prowess (and her easiness).

 

Not specifically a reply to you, but this comment seems like a good place to hang a thought of mine:

 

If wooing is dying out, could it be (in part) because it's less necessary than it once was because more girls are (to use the term from above) more easy than they once were?

 

 

(I'll get jumped on for 'blaming' it on women, I expect.)

[irc333]

My idea of "wooing" doesn't work at all (I know because I tried it in my more inexperienced days).

 

Give me an example of a "woo" situation. And I'll see if we're thinking about the same types of things.

 

Agreed....it probably is only feasable with people who are already dating....but usually it's an attempt to impress a woman in order to get her to go out with you.

 

Men used to try to do things for women, bring flowers on a first date, fix their car, or just things romantic to get them to go out on a first date....then "wooing" was considering "trying too hard" and thus turning off the woman or women see it as an act of desperation.

[Emilia]

Ladies, do you like to be woo'd? What is the woo to you? Is it a necessary part of building a relationship for you?

 

I don't think I like it. I think it makes me feel objectified in a way. In my best relationships there was attraction and strong chemistry from the start and the men felt comfortable enough to show strong interest, often in a cheeky and outgoing manner that we both enjoyed. I wouldn't say I was woo-d though, or at least not in the old-fashioned traditional way that this word implies to me.

 

I suppose to me it's about gender roles. I feel being woo-d assumes submission on my part and that's not how I see myself. Could be a strange interpretation though, I understand.

[xxoo]

My H still woos me He still brings me small gifts (this week: Krimpets that he hid in the cabinet for me to find, away from the kids' eyes). He'll still give me his jacket when I've underdressed for the weather. He'll still run with me for the company, even though my pace is too slow for him.

 

I've never said no!

[Gottabestrong]

I love getting wooed. And to all the guys who say it does not work, let me add my name to the list of women who say it does.

 

Current example: I am currently talking to a few guys that I met online. It is all in the early stages (2-3 dates) and nothing physical has happened, but one guys is already developing as the one I am most interested in and would like to have a relationship with. Why? Because he woos me!

 

What does he do that distinguishes him from the others?

 

• he calls regularly, instead of just texting
  
• he asks me out on dates a week in advance
  
• he plans things that he knows I am interested in
  
• he remembers things I tell him and asks me about them
  
• he makes it clear in words and deeds that he cares about me
  
• he shows that he is physically attracted to me but does not push for anything I am not ready for
  

Now those things might not sound like anything special, but sadly they are much more than the other guys are willing to do. And I DO appreciate it. And while I was not that interested in him at the beginning I have now changed my mind and find myself thinking about him a lot.

 

So yes, woooing does work and you don't have to go overboard with it. Just show the girl that you care about her and want to make her happy. And act like a gentleman!

[veggirl]

Here's an example of a woo. After my bf and I slept together at his place the first time, I commented on how much more comfy his pillows were than mine. Next time he came to my place he showed up with 2 new pillows for me. We'd been dating abt a month, weren't official yet. It was a woo.

[xxoo]

For men who don't woo....

 

.....have you ever been the recipient of a swoon?

[EasyHeart]

What happened to "the woo"? Is it dead? Please say it isn't so!

Most women aren't worth woo-ing.

 

i have been wooed.......its where a guy doesnt play games makes his intentions clear, but doesnt force anything....polite, respectful,does little things that make you go awww ......and hug them repeatedly... makes you feel wonderful about yourself like you are the only woman in the room when you are not the only woman..in the room...you feel beautiful when he looks at you.....he doesnt agree with everything you say .because he make syou feel special.. conversation is warm inviting.....butterfly stuff....he teases but not horrible...he calls often and wants to spend time with you above others....thats wooing....to me anyway...and yes its special......deb

I call this "dating".

 

 

• he calls regularly, instead of just texting
  
• he asks me out on dates a week in advance
  
• he plans things that he knows I am interested in
  
• he remembers things I tell him and asks me about them
  
• he makes it clear in words and deeds that he cares about me
  
• he shows that he is physically attracted to me but does not push for anything I am not ready for
  

I call this "basic manners".

[StanMusial]

I think of wooing as an act of pursuit or trying to gain favor. If you're already dating or if you have mutual attraction it is not that important. Treating your gf nice is not wooing per se, its just treating her like your mama raised you to. Many women think its old fashioned though. IMO "wooing" pretty much received the deathblow in the decade following the sexual revolution. It is very hard to woo a girl if she is chasing after someone else or banging someone else LOL. To that point, it is hard to find one worth wooing. If you do, hang on tight.

[USMCHokie]

I think of wooing as an act of pursuit or trying to gain favor. If you're already dating or if you have mutual attraction it is not that important.

 

Can the act of "wooing" simply be speaking the love language of the woman you are trying to woo, i.e., demonstrating affection in the way she prefers to receive it? This way you can "woo" someone you are trying to gain favor with just as much as you can "woo" a woman you've been with for 25 years. And it also reflects how different people are wooed in different ways. What one might interpret as wooing another might interpret as creeper behavior.

 

If her love language is gifts, then showering her with gifts would be perceived by her as "wooing." If it's acts of service, then perhaps grand gestures of service and the like would be perceived as "wooing." For words of affection, perhaps a song or a poem would woo her. For quality time, perhaps spending time with her makes her feel wooed. (if you read this aloud, you might chuckle like I did... ) Finally, for physical touch, perhaps an activity like taking her dancing would make her feel wooed. ()

 

Bottom line, wooing is nothing more than making her feel affection and/or love from you, regardless of what stage of dating you're in. It's what creates those "butterflies" because it's how that woman feels loved.

[Treasa]

ROMANCE. Chivalry combined with pursuit aimed at gaining another person's affection.

 

Think John Cusack standing outside your bedroom window with a boombox over his head. THAT is the very definition of the woo.

 

In fact, everything he does in that movie is the woo.

 

I used to be ALL ABOUT the woo.

 

Now it just makes me laugh and feel scorn for a guy who would attempt it.

[Emilia]

I used to be ALL ABOUT the woo.

 

Now it just makes me laugh and feel scorn for a guy who would attempt it.

 

So you don't think it's like in Hokie's post above yours? Just an expression of affection or appreciation? Just curious, I have my own definition.

[Treasa]

So you don't think it's like in Hokie's post above yours? Just an expression of affection or appreciation? Just curious, I have my own definition.

 

I guess my definition of "wooing" is taking good care of my pets while I go on vacation to Europe, or bringing me a box of pads if I realize I stupidly let myself run out.

 

That's how a guy can REALLY impress me and capture my heart.

[GoodOnPaper]

I think of wooing as an act of pursuit or trying to gain favor. If you're already dating or if you have mutual attraction it is not that important. Treating your gf nice is not wooing per se, its just treating her like your mama raised you to. Many women think its old fashioned though. IMO "wooing" pretty much received the deathblow in the decade following the sexual revolution.

 

I agree. Being a child of the '80s myself, I remember getting tremendously mixed messages from popular culture. You had John Cusack movies and soft rock music depicting grand-gesture wooing as the way to get a girl. Meanwhile, heavy metal music was elevating the bad-boy persona to new heights. So while grand-gesture wooing seemed to work in our parents' time, by the time the '80s rolled around, wooing was only appreciated if it came from someone that had a bad-boy edge. The rest of us crashed-and-burned in epic fashion because from us, wooing or being nice in any way was viewed as weakness.

 

Now, instead of wooing to attract, one must be attracted first, then wooing may be appreciated. But as we've seen in this thread, wooing isn't even "wooing" any more -- it's simply being thoughtful. I'm guessing that this lowering of the bar is due to women not experiencing much thoughtfulness in the attraction or early dating stages . . . because guys know that very often it's viewed as weakness.