F00Lish Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Long story short.... Dated a girl and lived with her for most of 10 years. She broke it off to explore another man. She broke it off with him because she wasn't over me. Since then, we've been on and off for about 4 years. She know's I deeply care and madly in love with her. Her reason for running is because she feels pressured everytime she is with me. I only ask her what it is she wants; if it's me, something else, etc. I guess these questions puts to much stress on her. So she runs. This goes on for more than 2 occasions. I must admit, I was always there for her. I know, big mistake and this is what I'm trying to change. 2 months ago, she returns again. We were doing really well and she tells me herself that she wants to work on "us." There was even a moment when she told me that she see's a future with me still, she's still in love with me, and she is only seeing me. Well, a few days ago, she drops the bomb on me AGAIN and tells me that she's still curious and having fun being single. So I tell her that this is the LAST time and not to return. She cried a lot and still tells me she loves me and that she's sorry etc. I didn't have any words at the moment. I just expressed that I wasn't mad, just sad and disappointed. From what I gather, she's really attracted to the attention she's getting from others. I don't blame her, she's beautiful. Here are some facts. I do still believe that we can work and we do have a future together. I feel as if she can come and go as she pleases and I want to change this. I want her to feel as if she has lost me for good. And if she doesn't come back then I'll be fine with it. But if she does come back because she feels that she "lost" me; how do I make her stay? I thought we were really getting somewhere the last 2 months....does this love just vanish that easily?
Tk123 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 My friend it is time to move on and search for someone who will appreciate you. You need to get rid of her, she is plaguing you and holding you hostage. She KNOWS deep down that you aren't going anywhere and that she can always come back to you. You need to change that. It seems to me like she doesn't want to be committed anymore. As hard as it may be to say this, screw her. You deserve better. Do NOT get with her again no matter how bad you want to. Stop loving her, NC if you need to. You need to move on and enjoy your life. There are plenty of other women out there who would appreciate you for who you are.
Author F00Lish Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Yeah, I can respect why you're suggesting that. And NC is what I will initiate without a doubt. I'm looking forward to dating other women myself and having fun myself. Now call me crazy or an idiot but I do want my EX back. I do understand why she's doing what she's doing. I wasn't the angel myself in the first year of our relationship so I get where she's coming from; it's just something she has to do. Yes, I may lose her forever but the next time she breaks NC, I want to be firm with her about where I stand and what I want. So I guess I'm really asking; what to do the NEXT time she breaks NC? I've already accepted that I pretty much lost her and do miss her with all of my heart but I don't have any intentions on breaking NC at all.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) Ignore her. Thats how to stay NO CONTACT. By having no contact. If you respond, you get sucked back in... you dont have the will power to deny her once she has made contact. So do not respond at all, for any reason. How is responding working for you? Its not. So try something different. Even if the end result is her coming back and staying, THIS is not working and you have to try something new. She is eating cake right now and you let her. What happened to you guys is that she had GIGS and is still struck by it. She knows you will be around no matter what, so she can continue doing this to you. She tries to find new guys who may be better than you and when she finds him, she is going to forget you existed, leaving you broken. Im not sure what led her to leave and move on while living with you, 6 years into your relationship. You seem to take blame for something you did in the first year together. You REALLY had to muck things up badly because no one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you.. What exactly did you do? I mean, to me, unless this is revenge for what you did, I dont get it. Did you cheat on her and act the way she is acting? Edited April 30, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1
Author F00Lish Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I did cheat on her and it lasted for 3 months. I don't think she fully got over it because she did mention it when she broke up with me. I cheated because I was used to dating multiple women back then and I missed the "new feeling." I'm certain that this is what she's feeling as well. During our last meeting, she cried her eyes out for me and sincerely apologized for what she has done. I didn't have any words. I just said that she needs to NOT contact me at all. She said she still in love with me etc but her sense of curiosity is something she must satisfy before she settles. I know what that entails so please don't remind me. I was in her same position as well, again, such is why I can understand her decision regardless of how much I disagree with it. But again, if she breaks NC, and I'm in a position to take her back; what should the convo be like to demonstrate that enough is enough?
Tk123 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 But again, if she breaks NC, and I'm in a position to take her back; what should the convo be like to demonstrate that enough is enough? There will be no convo, because that is the purpose of NC. If she texts you or calls you, don't respond. Block her number or remove it from your phone if you have to. You need to move on with your life.
Author F00Lish Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 So I told her this... I don't support you seeking attention from men and finding a replacement while you think I will wait around. She says I put it in a way that sounds so negative and that she cannot give me what I want. I says, "that's fine, good bye." Then I hung up, blocked her number and emails. I will try my hardest to move on.
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