meat department Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 So I finally get the courage and I told her about sleeping with her MM since September. I explained it was a fwb situation and I thought he was single. And she said she was fine and thanks for telling her. Then she went on to say they don't have sex anymore and she has no desire to change that situation. She did not want details. The MM texted me about 2 hours after I told her and said the secret is out now can we continue? I am still in shock over this one! Has anyone else had this happen? It is crazy.
Decorative Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 So I finally get the courage and I told her about sleeping with her MM since September. I explained it was a fwb situation and I thought he was single. And she said she was fine and thanks for telling her. Then she went on to say they don't have sex anymore and she has no desire to change that situation. She did not want details. The MM texted me about 2 hours after I told her and said the secret is out now can we continue? I am still in shock over this one! Has anyone else had this happen? It is crazy. Did you speak to her face to face? Like, you were sure it was her? That's an unusual reaction. I wonder why if she doesn't care, why he didn't tell her? 1
Eggplant Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I thought he was single.He lied to you about his marital status? He's a disgusting loser. Block him. Then she went on to say they don't have sex anymore and she has no desire to change that situation.You're right -- it's crazy. She's indifferent because he's not worth fighting over. 5
2sure Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Ive posted before regarding this kind of reaction because I have seen it. I know couples IRL who choose, for their own reasons, to turn a blind eye to their spouses affair as long as it doesn't interfere and discretion is used. It's usually because they are having their own affair but want the marriage either for comfort or stability. Either way, they just do not feel the affair threatens the marriage. 4
Almond_Joy Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 She checked out of the marriage long ago, that's why she Didn't give a frick. The husband knows this and figured he'll just go elsewhere to get his needs met.....that's where you got in the picture. The fact that they're both accepting this dynamic and staying together tells me that they've both got some serious issues, individually and as a couple. You're asking for drama if you involve yourself further with either of these two. 3
MissBee Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 She checked out of the marriage long ago, that's why she Didn't give a frick. The husband knows this and figured he'll just go elsewhere to get his needs met.....that's where you got in the picture. The fact that they're both accepting this dynamic and staying together tells me that they've both got some serious issues, individually and as a couple. You're asking for drama if you involve yourself further with either of these two. Ditto. Both of their responses are odd. In any case, if I have to go "tell on" a man I would have NO interest in continuing that "relationship." 1
Author meat department Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 My screen name is just a play on thoughts I have about my situation. I contacted her on twitter and she called me. I just didn't think it would go this way. No idea why he lied in the beginning and for so many months. I just thought it was an unusual response.
MissBee Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 My screen name is just a play on thoughts I have about my situation. I contacted her on twitter and she called me. I just didn't think it would go this way. No idea why he lied in the beginning and for so many months. I just thought it was an unusual response. So, are you planning to continue being with him? Do you feel comfortable/happy about that?
Goodbye Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'd also be suspicious that you were not talking to the wife. How did you get her contacts? 1
Author meat department Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Lord no! He might have been the best sex I have ever had but I don't have the time or energy for that hot mess. I will be honest and say there is some part of me that thinks it would be fun to be his OW now that I know but it would lead to heartbreak or some other dramatic situation that I simply don't want. 1
MissBee Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Lord no! He might have been the best sex I have ever had but I don't have the time or energy for that hot mess. I will be honest and say there is some part of me that thinks it would be fun to be his OW now that I know but it would lead to heartbreak or some other dramatic situation that I simply don't want. I think it's a good call to bow out.
2sure Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Lord no! He might have been the best sex I have ever had but I don't have the time or energy for that hot mess. I will be honest and say there is some part of me that thinks it would be fun to be his OW now that I know but it would lead to heartbreak or some other dramatic situation that I simply don't want. I know. Fun is fun, but seriously who needs this shyte. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Why is your name meat department? That's funny. 2
amaysngrace Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 My screen name is just a play on thoughts I have about my situation. That's not a very good situation IMO. You should change your situation. That's terrible.
Silly_Girl Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 In any case, if I have to go "tell on" a man I would have NO interest in continuing that "relationship." Plenty of BSs here ask for that knowledge. The OP felt it was right to tell the BS, you chose to keep your A a secret. I don't think you should slam her for doing things differently to you.
MissBee Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Plenty of BSs here ask for that knowledge. The OP felt it was right to tell the BS, you chose to keep your A a secret. I don't think you should slam her for doing things differently to you. I'm genuinely confused. When did I slam her? When did I say it was wrong to tell? My gripe wasn't with the fact that she told, mind you, it was with him trying to resume the A after she told his BS. I'm sure they didn't plan on this together, but he sort of was like oops, cat out of the bag, how about we continue now? Super unattractive! Telling with the hopes to force the MM's hand works for almost no one. At the point I'd be telling on this person, suffice it to say, I don't want to be with them anymore and am telling the BS because I feel it's the right thing. Fortunately, meat department didn't take offense and seems to feel the same way, as when I asked for clarification about whether she was gonna take him up on his offer, she said no 3
Got it Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm genuinely confused. When did I slam her? When did I say it was wrong to tell? My gripe wasn't with the fact that she told, mind you, it was with him trying to resume the A after she told his BS. I'm sure they didn't plan on this together, but he sort of was like oops, cat out of the bag, how about we continue now? Super unattractive! Telling with the hopes to force the MM's hand works for almost no one. At the point I'd be telling on this person, suffice it to say, I don't want to be with them anymore and am telling the BS because I feel it's the right thing. Fortunately, meat department didn't take offense and seems to feel the same way, as when I asked for clarification about whether she was gonna take him up on his offer, she said no Maybe I missed it somewhere else but where did MD indicate that she told to force his hand? Or was that general statement? I think if she told so that everyone was on the up and up and now that everyone is and she wants to continue then more power to them. It is, by that regard, an open marriage and not an affair and no one should have an issue with it here. If MD decides not to, well she did what she felt she needed to to make sure everyone was on the up and up and now does not want to continue and everything good to go. So an all around pretty amicable event.
ComingInHot Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 meat department wrote, "I told the BS and she was fine" Are you fine with it? How do You feel about the whole crazy drama with what is happening? I'd have to agree with you meat department, it IS crazy to me. I know I certainly would NOT be "fine"... 1
MissBee Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Maybe I missed it somewhere else but where did MD indicate that she told to force his hand? Or was that general statement? I think if she told so that everyone was on the up and up and now that everyone is and she wants to continue then more power to them. It is, by that regard, an open marriage and not an affair and no one should have an issue with it here. If MD decides not to, well she did what she felt she needed to to make sure everyone was on the up and up and now does not want to continue and everything good to go. So an all around pretty amicable event. I wasn't referring to what MD did, but to Silly's idea about BSs wanting to know and me "choosing to keep mine a secret". My point was a general one, which is that it is illogical that an OW would go tell if she wants to still be in the A, unless she is telling with the hopes of forcing the MM's hand. I assume MD told because she was done and in my case, I'd only tell if I was done...otherwise, why would I? Which then goes back to the original context of my response to MD, where I was specifically responding to the aspect about MM's message about resuming, and it was, I wouldn't want to be with someone I had to tell on. If he didn't tell on himself, but I had to, I'd not want to resume anything with him. Don't think MD wants to either it seems.
Got it Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I wasn't referring to what MD did, but to Silly's idea about BSs wanting to know and me "choosing to keep mine a secret". My point was a general one, which is that it is illogical that an OW would go tell if she wants to still be in the A, unless she is telling with the hopes of forcing the MM's hand. I assume MD told because she was done and in my case, I'd only tell if I was done...otherwise, why would I? Which then goes back to the original context of my response to MD, where I was specifically responding to the aspect about MM's message about resuming, and it was, I wouldn't want to be with someone I had to tell on. If he didn't tell on himself, but I had to, I'd not want to resume anything with him. Don't think MD wants to either it seems. But where does it say that he hadn't already told? We have the BW's response that she didn't care but that could be because it wasn't news to her. I think there are some assumptions going on here and we don't have all the details. I don't know if I agree that EVERY OW tells to force a hand and that hand means wanting the MM to leave. A OW may tell because she wants everyone on the same page but if everyone is okay then they will continue in a triangular relationship with all's approval. It is incorporating some retro approval steps but that doesn't mean that it is always a stick to get a MM off the fence.
underwater2010 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Okay I am not getting the responses here. A) Did you tell hoping he would leave for you? Or did you tell because you wanted the affair to end? B) Why is it now crazy for MD to be involved with a MM? She was involved with him without the wife's consent, now she has it....shouldn't that be a huge green light. The only thing changing is the fact that the relationship is not taboo. Maybe I am missing some previous details.
Author meat department Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I told because she needed to know. I met him on a dating site. He is probably a serial cheater. I am in the middle of a divorce where I was a BS, my situation is different because my husband is gay but I still was blind. I used this guy to get some of my sexuality back and it worked however his wife should know. I'm not willing to be lied to anymore by anyone. It's my line in the sand. I do miss him, badly. It was the most fun thing I have done in months but the situation is too messy and crazy for me. 2
underwater2010 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I told because she needed to know. I met him on a dating site. He is probably a serial cheater. I am in the middle of a divorce where I was a BS, my situation is different because my husband is gay but I still was blind. I used this guy to get some of my sexuality back and it worked however his wife should know. I'm not willing to be lied to anymore by anyone. It's my line in the sand. I do miss him, badly. It was the most fun thing I have done in months but the situation is too messy and crazy for me. I went and read your back story. He lied to you. I am sorry that happened. Good job on clearing the air to his BS. I would move on too. I could understand now why you would be shocked that she didn't care as you have walked in her shoes. But every relationship has its own rules. Move on and find a great guy!!! 2
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