youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 We have all been there, we have all done that. Ignore someone. They say when you ignore someone, you are teaching them how to live a better life without you... With that being said, when someone ignores you do you find it easier to move on? Do you swear you'll never talk to them again because they ignored you? Do you become bitter towards them, talk bad about them? Or does it make you want to contact them more? Ask them why they are being like this? Does it make you frustrated, insecure or is it the perfect anecdote to make you drop em' and move on easier? Would you respond to them when they finally do contact you? Or would you still hold a grudge? Now switch the roles, what if you were ignoring someone for the mere fact that you are reserving your self dignity, your self respect, and just for your own sake of moving on. (like most of us on LS are trying to do) Then your ex felt upset and swore to themselves to never reach out again because you ignored them. So when you do reach out to them, they ignore you back, have your number blocked, and you start from Day 1 again because now you are upset that they didn't respond. When you are upset, bothered, or mad for someone ignoring you does it mean you still care? Is this just a vicious cycle we repeat over and over? Looking deeper into NC and ignoring the other person, I'm wondering what is right and what is wrong. I implemented NC with my ex who had commitment issues. I told him straight up that I would not respond to him until he could commit to me. I told him to not take it personal, that I love him and I will miss him dearly, but I needed to move on. So what does he do right away? Tries to contact me. Leading me no choice, but to ignore him. Which in turn, makes me feel like the bad person. Treat people the way you want to be treated. I wouldn't want to be ignored, so what makes it right for me to ignore? Or you? Or your ex? Thoughts please!!
d0620 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 How much could a person really care about you if they will not commit to you? The purpose of ignoring him is two reasons 1. So you can move on and find somebody who wants to commit to you and 2. So he can experience life without you and hoping that the fear of being without you outweighs the fear of him being with you. Sad I know. He will not hate you, in fact he is using you and taking you for granted. He needs some time to evaluate his actions and for your own self worth, you can't be afraid to let him go. They say: set them free and if it were meant they will come back. I believe that. 1
EmptyWalls Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 In my experience she ignored me and went NC until she needed something. There I was begging like a dog for attention, digging my hole deeper. Her reasons from what I can tell and have read was shes not thinking about me or my feelings, only hers. I tried keeping that contact and being there for her whenever she wanted to talk. But the cold actions she was displaying took its toll. Went I cut contact it was kinda for the same reasons Im only thinking of me and not her. But I needed to for my own health and to not hold any resentment, hate, or bitterness towards her. A chance for maybe down the road salvaging our friendship or even whats left of our relationship. 1
nsteen87 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 They do it because they've moved and and don't care about you. I was stupid and broke NC of 3 months, bit the bait and now I'm back to square one. My biggest mistake has always been trying to rationalize and over analyze it like you OP. I'm putting all of that same energy into myself and NC now instead. I also agree there is much truth into them "only reaching out to you when they need you." I will never fall for that trap again and help out thinking it would actually get me somewhere! 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 They do it because they've moved and and don't care about you. I was stupid and broke NC of 3 months, bit the bait and now I'm back to square one. My biggest mistake has always been trying to rationalize and over analyze it like you OP. I'm putting all of that same energy into myself and NC now instead. I also agree there is much truth into them "only reaching out to you when they need you." I will never fall for that trap again and help out thinking it would actually get me somewhere! Haven't seen you in awhile!! Where have you been? How are you doing?
mutant Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 We have all been there, we have all done that. Ignore someone. They say when you ignore someone, you are teaching them how to live a better life without you... With that being said, when someone ignores you do you find it easier to move on? Do you swear you'll never talk to them again because they ignored you? Do you become bitter towards them, talk bad about them? Or does it make you want to contact them more? Ask them why they are being like this? Does it make you frustrated, insecure or is it the perfect anecdote to make you drop em' and move on easier? Would you respond to them when they finally do contact you? Or would you still hold a grudge? Now switch the roles, what if you were ignoring someone for the mere fact that you are reserving your self dignity, your self respect, and just for your own sake of moving on. (like most of us on LS are trying to do) Then your ex felt upset and swore to themselves to never reach out again because you ignored them. So when you do reach out to them, they ignore you back, have your number blocked, and you start from Day 1 again because now you are upset that they didn't respond. When you are upset, bothered, or mad for someone ignoring you does it mean you still care? Is this just a vicious cycle we repeat over and over? Looking deeper into NC and ignoring the other person, I'm wondering what is right and what is wrong. I implemented NC with my ex who had commitment issues. I told him straight up that I would not respond to him until he could commit to me. I told him to not take it personal, that I love him and I will miss him dearly, but I needed to move on. So what does he do right away? Tries to contact me. Leading me no choice, but to ignore him. Which in turn, makes me feel like the bad person. Treat people the way you want to be treated. I wouldn't want to be ignored, so what makes it right for me to ignore? Or you? Or your ex? Thoughts please!! The bolded! My ex ignored me for 4 days without any reason at all only to answer the phone on the fifth day and let me know she had a new boyfriend. I swore never to contact her again and I have kept true to my word. She has since tried calling and texting me a bit but all she got was resounding silence. for the second part: About two months ago, I met this lovely girl at work, a lab-tech who was helping me out with some project. we Kinda connected and to cut the long story short she said she had a crush on me just before we terminated the project. I wen't ahead and explained to her my situation and that I wasn't ready to get into another relationship now. what followed was a flurry of texts and calls explaining to me she would be different from my ex etc. I kept telling her it wasn't possible but she kept asking for a chance to prove herself. She's quite familiar with my neighborhood and one Saturday afternoon she unexpectedly came over to say hi. She brought up the same discussion and even tried to kiss me..actually I let her do it but still stood by my decision. Since then I decided to ignore her completely. she would call and text about twenty times apologizing for the kiss etc until she finally gave up. I think it was the correct decision and indeed helped her move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 You are looking for any excuse to jump back down the rabbit hole aren't you?
OwlSoul Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Treat people the way you want to be treated. Wroooong. That's why we're being gumped, pal. Because we blindly believe that treating the person in the way we want to be treated gonna work in the lovefield. You want more attention, you give more attention = fail.
flitzanu Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 this is still going on? why haven't you married him yet?
iouaname Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I've never been the dumper, so I don't know how I would feel if I were being ignored in that situation but after experiencing this breakup, I imagine that I would be understanding. I broke up with them and so I should respect their desire for space. As the dumpee, it's absolutely crushing and devastating to be ignored. I spent two months ignoring my ex but as soon as the tables were turned on me, I was anxious and panicking and feeling really depressed. It only reinforced why I need to not reach out in the first place.
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