Is it Time to End my LDR?

[Tk123]

Hello there! Me and my current girlfriend have been together in an LDR for about 5 months now. We have yet to meet but have some sort of intention to meet sometime this summer. Things were going great at first as all relationships do however I feel like lately she is falling more and more distant from me.

 

To try and sum this up as quickly as possible, me and her do occasional things together to try and not think about the distance (watch TV together, Skype chat, etc.). One thing we have been doing as well though is playing an online game where we actually first met.

 

The game itself is very time consuming and one of those things that many people play 24/7. To top it off, the game is also very male dominant, so when a guy sees someone like my girlfriend on this game they immediately start hitting on her. I don't mind her talking to other guys but it seems to be getting out of hand lately.

 

There are about 4-5 guys on this game whom she is very friendly with (that I am too), and we often have big group Skype calls as we play the game together. Her being the only female in the call, there's a lot of playful flirting and stuff that goes on between them all. I try to ignore it but after awhile it really gets to me. They all make her laugh and giggle and although I like to see her have a good time it reminds me of how me and her were when we first started dating.

 

What worries me at this point is that she's slowly losing interest in me because of these guys. Sometimes I have to log off the game when she's still on, leaving her by herself with those guys in the call. Whenever I try to text her while she's on the game, the replies come slow and I'm lucky if I get a 2-3 word response once every hour. Whenever I try to bring it up, her excuse to me is "It's hard to play the game and text at the same time."

 

For those wondering our age, we are both 20 years old. I am a college student and she works a full time job as a waitress. As I said, one main reason why I can't stay on with her is because I have studies and projects to take care of for school. Just this past weekend, I stayed on the game till around 9 at night while she remained to stay on. I logged onto Skype the next morning to see that the call with her and those guys ended at 5 in the morning. I didn't get many texts between those hours either.

 

So let me get to the point of this thread. I'm questioning what I should do at this point. Summer is finally around the corner and this is when we planned to finally meet. I'd hate to lose her now and have 5 months of my life completely wasted. I tried confronting her the other day about how I feel with everything going on and she simply replied "don't worry, they're just friends". I feel like she doesn't realize what she's doing to me and the severity of it. I'm at a point where I can't tell if it's me or her. Am I overreacting about all of this or is this something I should be truly concerned about? What can I possibly do to keep the spark alive between me and her?

 

Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. The advice I've received on here in the past for other issues has been outstanding and I'm so appreciative of it.

Edited April 30, 2013 by Tk123

[Tk123]

Going to bump this before I get offline for the night. I logged off the game around 8 today and she's still on. Hasn't replied to a single text. This is so frustrating...

[Chevuron]

You seem like you may be feeling ignored. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex--but if these friends aren't respecting the boundaries of your relationship in a way that fits for you (i.e. flirting) you will always be hurting. It is difficult to text and do things at the same time. Maybe if you have another instant message program (gchat from Gmail, AIM, etc) just for you are her that might help. Occupy your time with things you enjoy so you aren't worried about the text back so much. Ask her to set aside time that it just you and her!

 

It is important that you some how let her know that these things are bothering you and maybe you should tell your mutual friends from the game as well. If they are your friends and they truly want to be "just" her friend--then they hopefully should not have too much of a problem understanding!

 

Find some other avenues that you two can personally share together that does not involve so many people <:

Edited April 30, 2013 by Chevuron

[Tk123]

You seem like you may be feeling ignored. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex--but if these friends aren't respecting the boundaries of your relationship in a way that fits for you (i.e. flirting) you will always be hurting. It is difficult to text and do things at the same time. Maybe if you have another instant message program (gchat from Gmail, AIM, etc) just for you are her that might help. Occupy your time with things you enjoy so you aren't worried about the text back so much. Ask her to set aside time that it just you and her!

 

It is important that you some how let her know that these things are bothering you and maybe you should tell your mutual friends from the game as well. If they are your friends and they truly want to be "just" her friend--then they hopefully should not have too much of a problem understanding!

 

Find some other avenues that you two can personally share together that does not involve so many people <:

 

Thanks for the response. I don't know what I'm doing up this early but I assume it's because my nerves and anxiety are getting to me. Last night she didn't respond to a single text I sent and she read my message at 1AM this morning (we have iMessage). She didn't even bother sending me a good night text. I have that ugly feeling that something's going to happen soon and I have no clue what to do to stop it

[TaraMaiden]

Then be the one to stop it.

I'm not really sure what kind of definite signal you're waiting for....

 

You've never met, her interest is waning, you feel ignored and she's not responding....

Hello....??

Tell her you are ending it, it's been nice, but you're off to find a real-life GF.

 

Simple.

 

Then cut off all contact.

 

All of it.

Every available means: Skype, Facebook, texts, phone, sms, whatever - block/delete/deny it all.

 

Sorted.

[Tk123]

Then be the one to stop it.

I'm not really sure what kind of definite signal you're waiting for....

 

You've never met, her interest is waning, you feel ignored and she's not responding....

Hello....??

Tell her you are ending it, it's been nice, but you're off to find a real-life GF.

 

Simple.

 

Then cut off all contact.

 

All of it.

Every available means: Skype, Facebook, texts, phone, sms, whatever - block/delete/deny it all.

 

Sorted.

 

You don't think I should even try and talk to her about it again? Just end it like this after 5 months?

[TaraMaiden]

You don't think I should even try and talk to her about it again?

 

"again"...? No.

 

It clearly didn't have any kind of long-term effect last time.... did it?

 

Just end it like this after 5 months?

 

Yeah, sure.... why not?

What is there to 'prolong'?

 

How else would you end it?

In dribs and drabs?

Just cut your losses and quit.

It's akin to tail-chasing now....

[Tk123]

Well I just got in another fight with her this morning. She knew straight up that I'm pissed at her for what she's doing. I told her I'm quitting the game and that I don't care what she does anymore. If she wants to stay on all night and flirt with a bunch of guys online, that's fine. Don't expect me to be hanging around for much longer.

[TaraMaiden]

Good.

 

Brilliant.

Just what you needed.

 

Now go Complete No Contact.

(Read the link in my signature).

 

It works, so implement it.

 

Okay?

[Tk123]

Good.

 

Brilliant.

Just what you needed.

 

Now go Complete No Contact.

(Read the link in my signature).

 

It works, so implement it.

 

Okay?

 

Thanks so much for your help. I'll read into it. I guess my biggest fear about this whole thing is being alone for awhile. Little things like not having that person to say good morning and goodnight to.

[Tk123]

Although we didn't break up this morning, she just sent me a text as she always does when she's done with work. I'm trying my best not to respond to it. I don't think she realizes it's over...should I respond and tell her we are finished or is NC better even though we didn't officially breakup?

Edited April 30, 2013 by Tk123

[TaraMaiden]

Okay, explain to me as simply as you can....

What part of "Absolutely NO CONTACT" - are you NOT getting....?

[Tk123]

Okay, explain to me as simply as you can....

What part of "Absolutely NO CONTACT" - are you NOT getting....?

 

I get it, I really do! I never responded to her and don't have any intentions to do so. I feel terrible doing this to her but she seems to not appreciate me anymore and would rather spend her time with those guys online. I know she has a depression issue though and I have a feeling she's going to threat me in a few days with something I absolutely hate. I won't say it now but I'll be posting back in a few days if this does happen.

[Tk123]

I got yet another text from her last night which I haven't responded to. I want to respond so bad, but I know it's not worth it.

[TaraMaiden]

Delete it now.

The next time you get a message, respond with this, straight away:

 

Text blocker activated. your message was not delivered. Further attempts will be charged to your account.

[Tk123]

Delete it now.

The next time you get a message, respond with this, straight away:

 

Text blocker activated. your message was not delivered. Further attempts will be charged to your account.

 

Thanks I'll give it a try if she sends another message. So far I haven't heard from her since last night. I think she finally gets that it's over. Thanks so much for the help again, and I'll be sure to keep you posted with how things continue within the next couple of weeks/months.

 

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. And I for sure can already say that I miss her and it's only been a day of NC :/. I'm staying strong though and going to get through this!

[Tk123]

It has been 2 days of NC and I miss her beyond belief. I deleted everything that reminded me of her but I can't get her out of my head. I find when I have downtime I ponder on it so much and end up feeling like shi.t.

 

I feel like I did the wrong thing breaking up with her and I wonder if she ever thinks about me the way I think about her. Been a tough couple of days.

[TaraMaiden]

Let me break this to you as gently as I can:

 

The worst - isn't over.

it's going to get a lot tougher.

 

Without contact from the ex-, the three week mark is a real killer.

 

IF they make contact - it's even harder to resist.

 

But please believe me when I tell you that you're doing absolutely the 100% right thing.

It's the only way that ultimately you can save your sanity, salvage your dignity and maintain your integrity and self-worth.

 

It hurts like hell.

In fact, you never knew an emotional wound could hurt so much.

There is no visible harm, no gaping wound, no exposed fractured bone, no blood, no injury - but you feel like you're dying.

I know, really, I do, I know.

 

Stick with it, kid.

We're all behind you.

Be strong, and close off every available access she may have.

And remember the text message.

Respond with the standard answer i gave you, then delete all signs of it.

DON'T read it, if you can possibly avoid it!

 

You can also, at the very worst, change your number.

I did, and so have many others. It seems a bind, but really, it's not that difficult.

[Tk123]

Let me break this to you as gently as I can:

 

The worst - isn't over.

it's going to get a lot tougher.

 

Without contact from the ex-, the three week mark is a real killer.

 

IF they make contact - it's even harder to resist.

 

But please believe me when I tell you that you're doing absolutely the 100% right thing.

It's the only way that ultimately you can save your sanity, salvage your dignity and maintain your integrity and self-worth.

 

It hurts like hell.

In fact, you never knew an emotional wound could hurt so much.

There is no visible harm, no gaping wound, no exposed fractured bone, no blood, no injury - but you feel like you're dying.

I know, really, I do, I know.

 

Stick with it, kid.

We're all behind you.

Be strong, and close off every available access she may have.

And remember the text message.

Respond with the standard answer i gave you, then delete all signs of it.

DON'T read it, if you can possibly avoid it!

 

You can also, at the very worst, change your number.

I did, and so have many others. It seems a bind, but really, it's not that difficult.

 

 

Thank you for continuing to reassure me. It really means a lot to me. Deep down I want to tell her I'm sorry for abandoning her the way I did, but I know if I go back we're going to start talking again, and although everything may seem great for the first couple of days, I'll know she'll go back to her old habits of flirting online with other guys.

 

I just wonder if she still thinks of me as frequently as I think of her. It really bothers me and makes me paranoid that I won't know how she's doing/feeling and if she misses me as much as I miss her.

 

Once again thank you so much for your help. I really couldn't have done it without you. May God bless you, and I will try to update this as consistently as I can to let you know how I'm doing.

[Tk123]

I should have listened to you guys and I feel like I was stubborn and stupid but I broke contact by day 3... She seems over the whole thing and so am I. I think we're over each other although deep down I still miss her. We're just friends now though and nothing more than that. I think we can both live with that now and it still enables us to talk to each other... Did I F up?

[TaraMaiden]

Yes.

God, yes.

 

Big time.

 

Try to get this through your head -

 

You can't be friends - It's IMPOSSIBLE to be friends - with someone for whom you still have deep feelings.

 

And you still hold her in your heart, because the urge to break contact - the urge to feed your addiction for her - was greater than your will-power.

 

You're not Over It.

Nowhere near it.

Miles away.

She may be, but trust me, if you think you are, you are soooo kidding yourself.

 

Missing her, isn't 'deep down'.

 

It's right there, just below the surface, and it's screaming at you to be with her, do whatever she wants, be at her beck and call and stay as close to her as possible.

 

So now, if you begin No Contact, (Which you most assuredly should, or you will end up roasting your heart over a hell-fire) you start again.

 

 

Day ONE.

[Tk123]

Yes.

God, yes.

 

Big time.

 

Try to get this through your head -

 

You can't be friends - It's IMPOSSIBLE to be friends - with someone for whom you still have deep feelings.

 

And you still hold her in your heart, because the urge to break contact - the urge to feed your addiction for her - was greater than your will-power.

 

You're not Over It.

Nowhere near it.

Miles away.

She may be, but trust me, if you think you are, you are soooo kidding yourself.

 

Missing her, isn't 'deep down'.

 

It's right there, just below the surface, and it's screaming at you to be with her, do whatever she wants, be at her beck and call and stay as close to her as possible.

 

So now, if you begin No Contact, (Which you most assuredly should, or you will end up roasting your heart over a hell-fire) you start again.

 

 

Day ONE.

 

If I see that she truly is over it, then I too feel like I'd be better off knowing that she doesn't care so why should I? I feel like this would give me more of a motivation boost to meet other people rather than living in doubt not knowing how she feels about me anymore.

 

I'm probably rationalizing at this point but you know what, it's hard it really is. To completely cut contact with someone and spend every minute not hearing from them in remorse and question, it takes a really mentally stable person to do that.

 

I had to talk to her; when I was taking my exam yesterday (3rd day of NC), I found myself writing her name on it by accident. I couldn't get her out of my head and so I messaged her.

 

I'm finished with school now and I start my job this coming Monday where I'll be working full time now. I've been thinking to myself what the odds are of me meeting someone while I work.

 

I really can say I miss her but not to the extent of wanting her back. It sounds like it doesn't make sense but look at it this way: We went 5 months together without ever meeting in person. I had doubts to begin with if we were ever going to meet. I think it's easier for me to cope with this because I never met her physically or had that physical intimate connection with her.