youngnlove89 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Do you handle breakups differently as you get older? I see both young people and mature people (I don't like to say "old") on here who are hurting from the demise of their relationship. We are all sad, frustrated, hurt and confused. But do you think as you get older you process breakups differently? Handle them differently? Lean more towards NC? Become less crazy, act less erratically....etc.? I've had a couple serious relationships and each of them I handled differently, I'm still young, but now that I am getting more experience I'm learning to handle it differently. For me, this is the first time I've gone NC with an ex. In the past, I just kept in contact with them until I was indifferent or had met someone else. In my last relationship, before my current on, I was an enrage crazy b.tch. I can admit I went a little too far and acted a little too crazy. I don't do that now. I realized by acting that way I was losing class and respect for myself. It didn't make me feel good. And to be honest, when I see TEENAGERS posting on here about a broken heart, I tend to over look it because I think, you are so young, this will pass, the person you are dating is NOT the one. It's amateur. Same with relationships that were short lived, people posting about a 2 month long relationship... I think back to when I was 16 and "thought" I was so in love and I got dumped, it hurt and it sucked, but I look back at it now and laugh. What was I thinking? How dumb of me to think he was the one. And as I get older, these relationships carry more substance and meaning. I can see myself appreciating the person and cherishing the memories and still caring for them in the future. Even as far as keeping in touch with them. But the petty crap in High School, as if! Give me your thoughts! 1
bluecrabroll Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I'm 30 years old but I think I still have a lot to learn with regards to breaking up. I think it depends on the generation. Your instincts always kick in to fight for what you believe in until there is nothing left to fight for. My parents see it as to keep pursuing someone until they give into you because you have nothing left to lose and if its over you move onto the next one. I have a problem being too honorable. I will not absolutely move on until I have no feelings left for a person because I feel it is not fair to anyone else. For me it has always been NC and acting like that person was "dead to me". I feel like the more mature we get, the more we value experiences because they do tend to have more substance. You spend more time together, travel together, make big decisions together and may even live together. And it feels like anyone my age would be thinking about being in a relationship with hopes of having a future with them. In your 20s I would not put so much thought into that. 2
OzHeartache Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I'm 38, am currently giving my G/F "time" so im trying to move on in case the worst happens but stuck in limbo a little I think it does get a little easier when your older as you know that you have been through it before and you will find someone else although the doubt that that will happen still enters my mind But, the pain is still the same, the grieving, the anger the "why me, whats wrong with me" is still there every break up, that never gets easier but I think as you get older your a little wiser in the sense you can see light at the end of the tunnel (through having gone through the experience previously a few times) ................ Every break up still sucks though
itto ogami Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 What I'e found after my recent heartache is that it FEELS EXACTLY THE SAME as when I was 21 or 26 or 31 or 42. It's amazing that the pain is the same and when it hits, I can feel those other moments in the past. What's also AMAZING is that in every single one of the above cases -- I don't feel that way anymore at all. Proving that you usually come through it.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm 38, am currently giving my G/F "time" so im trying to move on in case the worst happens but stuck in limbo a little Sorry man, but that only means one thing. And it's not good... I think it does get a little easier when your older as you know that you have been through it before and you will find someone else although the doubt that that will happen still enters my mind I think its is just as hard, if not harder. As you get older, you want things to work out even more. Seems there is more 'at stake' But, the pain is still the same, the grieving, the anger the "why me, whats wrong with me" is still there every break up, that never gets easier but I think as you get older your a little wiser in the sense you can see light at the end of the tunnel (through having gone through the experience previously a few times) ................ Every break up still sucks though Yes, a BU is the worst thing that can happen besides death or terminal disease. It is just a constant gut punch every day. The more 'invested' you are, the harder you get punched
CorridorE Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) I don't know, I'm only 18 but I know I will never look back on my relationship and wonder if I really loved him. We were together almost three years, one year of high school and then he left for the Marine Corps. and the next two years were long distance. We made it through the three months no contact besides letters during boot camp, and a year and a half of living across the country from each other. But I focused on work and studies and we both saved up money for when we thought we would eventually move in together. I made trips in the summer to see him on the base and he came and visited me when he had leave and we went on trips together to visit my extended family for Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. I know that obviously he wasn't the one for me, but only because he cheated. After everything we got through at such a young age and how much I loved him, I could have seen myself with him a long long time. But now I know the person he turned out to be is no good for me. When he broke up with me I did a lot of pleading and trying to convince him otherwise, and I don't regret it because at least I can say I did everything I could given the situation. A lot of people say to completely skip the 'I love you so much, you're my everything' stage because it shows weakness, but I think it shows even more strength to go from saying all those things one day to complete NC the next and into the months following, which is what I eventually did. Then they'll never question that you really cared, but you were strong enough to give them up. I know I'm young, and now I'm healing and getting excited at the thought of meeting new people and starting over, but I don't think I would want future break ups to end much differently, if I am the dumpee... the heartache will always be there, but I have no regrets of how I handled it. Edited April 30, 2013 by CorridorE 2
OzHeartache Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Sorry man, but that only means one thing. And it's not good... Agreed, that's why i'm trying to "move on" for myself while respecting her request for space (I have clearly asked her twice In the last month if its over to just tell me because im a big boy and will live but despite this clear path for her to go but she said no she still needs more time) I think its is just as hard, if not harder. As you get older, you want things to work out even more. Seems there is more 'at stake' Agreed but you know you've gotten through it before and you can again Yes, a BU is the worst thing that can happen besides death or terminal disease. It is just a constant gut punch every day. The more 'invested' you are, the harder you get punched Cant argue here, im sick of the pain but love her and want to give it all I can before I cant take anymore and walk away (which I think I can only take the punches for another month max then Ill have to walk for my own sanity)
Am4Real Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Pain = Pain (in other words the pain is the same) Methods for Recovery = Much different (we learn or should be learning from all of our relationships, not only how to manage them, but also how to part from them) Youngnlove, your observations are accurate and quite the mature outlook, btw.
iouaname Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm not sure if it's age or experience, but I feel like the way that I handled this breakup was because of inexperience. I didn't understand that I was being strung along and I didn't listen to my gut when I should have. I think that I will for sure handle it much better next time... 1
McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I'm 42, and I was married for 14 years, so I was in a coccoon since about 27, and we dated for 3 years before that. So I lost alot of time (my entire 30's). I will say that the pain at 42 is similar to the pain I felt at 23, when I lost my first love. Like Am4real said, "pain = pain". The only difference I think is the pressure of getting older. I mean, if I started a relationship right now and it lasted 10 years, I'd be 52. The pool of fish (if you will) gets considerably smaller when you hit those certain age markers (40, 50, 60 etc). If you start a relationship at 24 and it lasts 10 years, you are only 34, and still in your prime. For me, I've always taken care of my body, and still dress fashionably, and so I think that may increase my "shrinking pool". It's an interesting topic though.
Recommended Posts