Cathalain Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 What is the general consensus on older females dating younger males? I'm curious to know, as I might be now in this situation. A quick sketch: there is a thirteen year age difference. (I am 32, the person involved is 19. Gah, just saying that makes me cringe a bit.) However, the person that I am in this close friendship with (and it is simply a friendship at the moment) is nothing like any 19-year-old I have ever met. I was actually under the impression that I was speaking with someone much, much older at first, and was quite shocked when I found out what his orientation in time really was. I haven't known this person for very long, but we seem to have a great deal in common. He is extremely sensitive to how others perceive him - his basic complaint is that he's been brushed off in the past because he's young. I would definitely agree that he is an exception to the rule, and I really do like him quite a bit, enough to at least attempt a relationship with him, should things come to that point. I know that the opinions of society shouldn't matter, if I really like him, but I'll admit that I'm worried about what people will think of me. I keep getting this mental image of people pointing at me and saying, "Getting desperate, dear?" Although our generational differences are present, I like to think that we both have open minds, and that we're willing to learn about each other's experiences and ideas. Any ideas or comments? They'd be appreciated. Thanks. =) -cath.
netrie Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 For me, I could NEVER date a younger man with such a great age difference but thats just me. If you are happy with it and no one is hurting each other and it is legal---go for it!
bluechocolate Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 I was actually under the impression that I was speaking with someone much, much older at first, and was quite shocked when I found out what his orientation in time really was. If you thought he was much older than his actual age who's to say that others won't think the same? "Getting desperate, dear?" Huh? If it was desperation wouldn't you be looking much farther up the age scale? I would suggest that people would be thinking, "What a lucky b*tch!". Forget what other people think. You're both adults. If you like each other then take it a step further & see what happens. p.s. according to medical research, at your ages you are each in your sexual prime
faux Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 If he is nineteen he is legal. I think there may be huge gaps in life experience, which could prove difficult in a relationship. If the both of you are comfortable with the arrangement, however, I say give it a try.
Author Cathalain Posted September 22, 2004 Author Posted September 22, 2004 I think there may be huge gaps in life experience, which could prove difficult in a relationship. That's a lot of the reason why I'm hanging back a bit, yes. It's not that we don't have much in common - it's sickening how much we actually do - but it's other things. (I've been married previously, I grew up in the 80's as opposed to the 90's, so I have remembrance of events that he won't, etc.) Oddly, at the same time, I don't feel maternal toward him in the least - perhaps because I see an inner maturity in him that most his age simply don't possess. I'm aware that starting a relationship with him will be a bit difficult because of the wide difference (not to mention that he's also 2 hours away, technically making him an LDR, if it gets to that point). I spoke with him earlier tonight, though, and he's well aware of what it would mean if things "got closer", so it's obvious that he's been thinking about it, as well. If you thought he was much older than his actual age who's to say that others won't think the same? Well, that's true. If you speak to him without seeing him, you would never believe that he's 19. But the minute you look at him, it's pretty obvious. =) (hairstyle, way of dressing, etc.) Unfortunately, I look 32. *laugh* Huh? If it was desperation wouldn't you be looking much farther up the age scale? I would suggest that people would be thinking, "What a lucky b*tch!". rofl! Well, some people have indeed said that. Hehe. What I meant by the "desperate" comment is this, though: I suppose that's the old stereotype at work. You know. Men who date much younger women are seen as "studs", can still "pull a young piece", but women who date much younger men are seen as man-hungry, desperate, using the younger male as a "boy toy" type of situation. I can say this much: most of the men my age seem to fall into three categories: not straight, married, or come with more baggage than a Delta Airline counter. I've never dated anyone under the age of 25 since I entered my late 20's, so I guess that I don't really know what to expect in this type of a situation. (i.e., social reaction) p.s. according to medical research, at your ages you are each in your sexual prime That has occurred to both of us. *evil grin* I'm going to wing it and see what happens, I think. It's not beyond the "close friendship" stage, so I'm certainly going to take it easy. I was more curious as to reaction, whether or not anyone here has experienced such a wide age difference as this, and how they handled it in their relationships. (Especially if it's a older woman/younger man situation; while it's more common, it's still not all that common. Usually it's the other way 'round.) At this point, if I were to tell him that I wasn't interested in him because of the age difference, he would take it very badly, I think. (I believe that he's been rejected before for this same reason.) Thanks for the posts so far, it's giving me perspective. =) -cath.
ziggue Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 At least he is over the legal age. I know this girl who is 21 her boyfriend is 32. That's a 11 year gap. My cousin is 24 and her husband is 34. That's a 10 year gap. One of my friends is 6 years older then her boyfriend. The other one is 5 years older then her boyfriend. I am 3 years older then my current boyfriend. I am 24 and he is 21. We met at a local club. He looks older for his age and I look younger for mine. I thought he was 26 and he thought I was 18, 19, 20. Lol. I don't think I would date people 5 years younger or 5 years older then me. Then again everybody is different. Go for it! If it feels right for the two of you. . Be prepared to get a lot of Toy Boy jokes from people when they find out how old your guy is but.
Papillon Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 19 is really really young...regardless of how old YOU are. I'll say this: I wouldn't enter into any cash wager about the long term feasibility of the relationship, but I am willing to bet you guys are going to screw like bunnies, and have lots of fun while you're together. Go for it!
DerangedAngel Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Largest age gap of all my relationships: fourteen years. Me being fourteen years his junior. As long as he's legal, forget about his age. I think you should go for it, really. If it doesn't work out, then it just doesn't. Better than being left wondering. Good luck! -DA
Jilly10340 Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I agree with DA about it better to be left wondering. I'm 22 and I recently tried to date a guy that was 19. I was concerned about his maturity level but I decided to go for it anyway. He ended up not wanting to lose any time with his friends..... At least I know, right?
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