She's getting comfortable and settling in a bit' - Weight gain

[sillyanswer]

There is a big assumption that gaining a moderate amt of weight (remaining in "healthy zone") is regressing. It could be finding balance, and making room for other important things in life--like the relationship!

 

Making room for other important things in life -- like cake!

[iris219]

I go to the gym at least five days a week. I am single, so I have time after work. But if I met someone, I would have to devide my time.

 

This is how I was too. It's very hard to have time to do everything you want to do in a day. My life used to be work, gym, sleep (with a shower and some food slipped in). In order to hang out with my BF, I had to sacrifice the gym. Also, he cooks a lot (not the healthiest food either) and I drink a lot more because we are always in celebration mode when we're together.

 

I struggled to find a balance in my life now that there was a new person in it, but I'm doing much better now. Maybe your GF hasn't figured out how to balance your relationship with everything else in her life. Would you be OK hanging out with her much less so that she had time to work out?

 

It's sad to me that 15 extra pounds makes you not as attracted to her. My BF keeps telling me not to lose my butt, but he's also supportive that I want to lose weight. My BF joined my gym so that we can go together. OP, do you offer to workout with her?

[Eggplant]

This is sad but true for a great many couples...and often a noticeable disparity with the woman in better shape serves as a security blanket...you often don't see the opposite, where there is great disparity and the man is in better shape...

Haha this is why my demonical plan is to fatten up my life partner.

[FitChick]

This is sad but true for a great many couples...and often a noticeable disparity with the woman in better shape serves as a security blanket...

Years ago, I knew a couple like that. She was a petite brunette and he could barely walk he was so fat. Like Biggest Loser fat. She always carried candy bars for him. I guess today she would be called "a feeder." This guy was a comedy writer and made a lot of money. So I guess she was hoping he'd drop dead and leave her everything. Not surprisingly, they had no kids.

[Noproblem]

You don't love her, end of the story.

 

Leave her and find an attractive, hot mama!

[charlietheginger]

Years ago, I knew a couple like that. She was a petite brunette and he could barely walk he was so fat. Like Biggest Loser fat. She always carried candy bars for him. I guess today she would be called "a feeder." This guy was a comedy writer and made a lot of money. So I guess she was hoping he'd drop dead and leave her everything. Not surprisingly, they had no kids.

 

some women like fat guys....

 

Just like some men like fat girls

[Emilia]

Not surprised this thread is so long. I do notice the threads centered around looks get populated by all the bitter shallow men on this site. The original guy who started this is a bit too nitpicky for my taste but alas we probably scared him off.

15 lbs is nothing to me ladies. When we get to 40 lbs then we'll talk.

 

But it's too late by then. If someone gets into the mindset of gaining 40lbs, it will be hard for them to shift it and keep it off. I think this thread shows perfectly how people find it so difficult to communicate potentially upsetting issues to their partners and just hope it will go away by itself.

[FitChick]

If I gain five pounds I take that as a wake up call to watch what I eat, which is always the culprit. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe. I don't know how anyone who gains more than 10 lbs. can NOT notice it. Unless everything they own is made of Lycra and has elastic waists.

[candie13]

I'm there right now and I hate those horrible creatures with a vengeance (those extra pounds)! I noticed, my jeans noticed it... my dresses suffer from it!

[candie13]

PS I've gained around 10, not 40, haha. During the first 5, I was sort of in denial. While taking on the last 5, I was inlust and loving it ! Now, that the sex haze starts to get less thick around my head, I'm a bit restless!

 

I think it's different for every woman - it sort of depends on how much they're used to having their bodyweight oscillate, on the level of their self esteem, on how much emphasis they put on their appearance, to decide when to say: "enough is enough, time to hit the gym now!".

[FitChick]

I think it's different for every woman ... to decide when to say: "enough is enough, time to hit the gym now!".

 

Maybe "Put down the fork and step away from the table."

[crederer]

I find the bitter women comments on here kind of humorous.

[MidwestUSA]

If I gain five pounds I take that as a wake up call to watch what I eat, which is always the culprit. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe. I don't know how anyone who gains more than 10 lbs. can NOT notice it. Unless everything they own is made of Lycra and has elastic waists.

Pajama jeans, bwahahahaha!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think she is getting comfortable and settling in! We have been dating for six months. I have posted on here about how she stopped wearing make-up as much and jewelry (I know I got the riot act for the makeup statement). Anyways, now she is starting with the weight gain. When I met her, she worked out (gym, treadmill, work out videos) religiously every day. Now, she has given that up almost completely. She goes on walks with me and her dog and sometimes my kids. And to answer the question before its asked…yes I do exercise at least five times a week.

 

I read an article today that stated 90% of women gain weight (up to 15 lbs) in the 4-6 month period of a new relationship. This is not fair when the majority of the popularity bases a lot of their choosing their mates (at first glance) based on their attractiveness levels. I’m just sayin’

 

I realize I am going to get the riot act again from the ladies on here, I would like to hear your honest opinions on this though. As far as the guys, has this happened to you and when it did ...how did you handle it?

 

I understand that when a partner gains weight, it can be a point of contention with some men. I understand why even. Some men feel like their partner's don't care about him anymore when she stops putting so much effort into her looks. It's reasonable. But it's also reasonable to understand expectations women are placed under to look a certain way.

 

I don't like though how you've belittled women's feelings to just being "the riot act". Obviously women do get upset at this because we feel a lot of pressure about our bodies. There are beautiful women at every turn and most likely, even the men that are with us and love us are looking at these other women. Maxim models, Victoria Secrets models, women in porn...the list goes on. We want our men to accept us for who we are and think we are beautiful. Even when we are far far far from perfect. Which we know how far from perfect we are because we are told 24/7 but both male and female entertainment.

 

So it's really a hard place for both sides. And both sides have their own reasons.

 

Is the only reason you are with your girlfriend was her nice figure? If so, then break up with her. Be sure to make it a teaching moment for your children as well. Teach them to not tolerate certain thigns in a relationship. Teach them to be the kind of man you want to be. (No sacrasm in anyway here. I promise.)

 

Are you with your girlfriend for more reasons then just her figure? For the time being, focus on those reasons. Even create a list about what you love and enjoy about her. Perhaps this list is made up of things she does or other physical parts of her you enjoy.

 

Lastly, consider this: She began dating you while you were earning a certain amount of money. However, the economy is up and down and all over the place and either your pay decreases OR you completely loose your job. Now you came into the relationship with a certain amount of funds that contributed to what you two did together. You can no longer provide that anymore. Would you rather her stand by your side through thick or thin (yes pun intended) or would you rather her move along considering that you would no longer meet the orginal qualifications you intially met when you first began dating?

 

The truth is that relationships have ups and downs and no one remains the same physically or emotionally as you go through a relationship. Partners will loose hair, gain weight, loose weight, get wrinkles, not shave...and a host of other natural bodily functions in the course of a relationship. That's real life. Most people can not maintain perfection 365 days a year. Sometimes we do well at our jobs, other times we slack. Sometimes we call our Mom sometimes we don't. SOmetimes we really give our kids great advice and other times we don't. Sometimes partners keep off the weight and sometimes they don't. That's real life. You either accept her at her best and not at her best. Or you don't accept her. And if you don't accept her, then it's time to let her go.

 

But consider for yourself how you would like her to view you. Would you like her to accept you as you are, even when you aren't a prize? Or would you like her to break up with you when you fail to meet her personal expectations of what you should be? Tough questions but important to answer.a

 

By the way, I do think it's important to live a healthy life style and eat right and work out but I know even in my own life that I have not been able to always maintain the level of exercise I have always wanted to maintain due to different time periods and factors in my life and simply being a falliable human being. I am tired of hearing the advice, "talk to her gently about working out again". How about you just accept her for who she is in the good and the bad? If you can't do that, then you really aren't the man for her.

Edited May 3, 2013 by Disenchantedly Yours

[thefooloftheyear]

If I gain five pounds I take that as a wake up call to watch what I eat, which is always the culprit. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe. I don't know how anyone who gains more than 10 lbs. can NOT notice it. Unless everything they own is made of Lycra and has elastic waists.

 

C'mon, really?

 

Sure, if you have 8% bodyfat and you're ripped youll notice it..

 

But the typical size 14- 150 lb woman wont notice too much of a difference packing on 10 lbs.

 

TFY

[Mme. Chaucer]

I like to look good; I have a pretty large amount of vanity. I care about my health.

 

Still, it disturbs me when I read a lot of posts that communicate that there is little a person could be doing with their spare time that is of comparable value to working out inside of a gym. And of maintaining "hotness." Like these are the most honorable and admirable pursuits a human can undertake, which define their character.

 

Why doesn't anybody post about how disappointed they are in their partner because they don't read enough, or spend enough time on their spiritual life, or volunteering for Habitats for Humanity or something?

 

Again, let me emphasize that I am freaked out by a turn for the worse in my own looks, which is, sadly, de rigueur at my stage of life. And I work pretty hard to maintain what I have in the physical department. But still ...

[thefooloftheyear]

I like to look good; I have a pretty large amount of vanity. I care about my health.

 

Still, it disturbs me when I read a lot of posts that communicate that there is little a person could be doing with their spare time that is of comparable value to working out inside of a gym. And of maintaining "hotness." Like these are the most honorable and admirable pursuits a human can undertake, which define their character.

 

Why doesn't anybody post about how disappointed they are in their partner because they don't read enough, or spend enough time on their spiritual life, or volunteering for Habitats for Humanity or something?

 

Again, let me emphasize that I am freaked out by a turn for the worse in my own looks, which is, sadly, de rigueur at my stage of life. And I work pretty hard to maintain what I have in the physical department. But still ...

 

Because you cant make love to someones intellect and character..

 

Kiddin of course.. Great attitude. Thats what its all about...

 

TY

[KraftDinner]

C'mon, really?

 

Sure, if you have 8% bodyfat and you're ripped youll notice it..

 

But the typical size 14- 150 lb woman wont notice too much of a difference packing on 10 lbs.

 

TFY

 

10 pounds makes a HUGE difference. But I'm a size 6-8....

[Phoe]

Why doesn't anybody post about how disappointed they are in their partner because they don't read enough, or spend enough time on their spiritual life, or volunteering for Habitats for Humanity or something?

 

Glad I'm not alone... one of my exes HATED reading. Which made me sad, because I felt bad that he would never experience the joy I experience when I read an awesome book, but the worst part was HIM making fun of ME for enjoying books. Why is that a NEGATIVE thing in some people's eyes???

[thefooloftheyear]

10 pounds makes a HUGE difference. But I'm a size 6-8....

 

Yes, but you arent a size 14 and you arent 150 lbs...so?

 

TFY

[USMCHokie]

Would you rather her stand by your side through thick or thin (yes pun intended) or would you rather her move along considering that you would no longer meet the orginal qualifications you intially met when you first began dating?

 

Wouldn't that serve as motivation to continue on one's path to greatness...?

[KraftDinner]

Yes, but you arent a size 14 and you arent 150 lbs...so?

 

TFY

 

Right. But it's a fine line. If I were to gain 10 pounds I'd be a size 10. Lose 10 pounds and I'd be a size 4.

 

So 10 pounds is a LOT!

 

Btw, if I gained 10 pounds I'd be getting pretty close to that 150, haha.

[TheFinalWord]

Machines are for wussies.

 

Let me train you on Nautilus machines using Mike Mentzer (RIP) HIT principals and you will be singing a different tune. You won't be able to move for a week

 

[RedRobin]

Because you cant make love to someones intellect and character..

 

Kiddin of course.. Great attitude. Thats what its all about...

 

TY

 

You make love to someone's intellect and character..

 

You f*ck the package that contains it.

 

That's the problem. Too many 'f*ckers' here... and not enough 'lovers' lol

 

... that said... I like well-balanced people who take care of themselves in every aspect of their life.

Edited May 3, 2013 by RedRobin

[Emilia]

Why doesn't anybody post about how disappointed they are in their partner because they don't read enough, or spend enough time on their spiritual life, or volunteering for Habitats for Humanity or something?

 

Probably because the original post is about weight gain. Posting about falling out with a partner who doesn't read Proust would be considered off topic. As you know.