She's getting comfortable and settling in a bit' - Weight gain

[Emilia]

Not saying they do, but if there are any exceptions you can't assume by looking. Though the assumption isn't always bad. I can run a 44 min 10k which isn't amazing but enough to win my age group and sometimes the race if small in my particular locale and no one expects it looking at me and I like to disappoint them when they judge and try to beat me.

My bootcamp would kick your ass even if you are a seasoned vet.

 

There is a woman in my gym who lifts like a beast and you would never guess just by looking at her considering she is a beginner. She is working hard to loose weight though and her size is hindering her squats as she can't get below parallel for the love of money (her speciality is deadlifts, more suited to her physique).

 

There will be always exceptions but I really think most people are not overweight due to medical reasons.

[runningfar]

There is a woman in my gym who lifts like a beast and you would never guess just by looking at her considering she is a beginner. She is working hard to loose weight though and her size is hindering her squats as she can't get below parallel for the love of money (her speciality is deadlifts, more suited to her physique).

 

There will be always exceptions but I really think most people are not overweight due to medical reasons.

 

Oh, I'm not interfere with correct exercise movements overweight. I am a size 6 (think that is 8 UK right?) but fairly short... A little below the average height here. I am not pinpointed as being fat in the us general population but I am overweight, hence calling myself chubby.

[SuperGeek]

Yeah for me 10-20 or even 30 lbs is not a big deal. My ex tried to come back a year later after gaining back 70 lbs though and I just couldn't see her the same. I think it was the lack of trust more than anything that kept me from getting back into a relationship with her. She had broken my heart by leaving me and I just couldn't give her the power to do that again to me (and she would have).

 

I try to do my best when it comes to health/fitness and expect the same from my partner. The amount of effort might vary greatly depending on what is going on in life and other priorities. It is more of a mindset than caring about specific weight numbers.

 

If you are looking for pure physical perfection, then move to Liverpool. Go watch the documentary "Beautiful Liverpool by Vice" to see superficial people at the extreme. It's a sad documentary.

 

SuperGeek

[pbjbear]

Next time a guy gains 15 lbs Im gonna ditch him. Dont hate me: Im just acting like a guy.

[Emilia]

If you are looking for pure physical perfection, then move to Liverpool.

 

You don't mean Liverpool in the UK I presume?

[SuperGeek]

Yes Liverpool in the UK. Look up the video "Beautiful Liverpool"

 

You don't mean Liverpool in the UK I presume?

[Emilia]

Yes Liverpool in the UK. Look up the video "Beautiful Liverpool"

 

There is a reason why it's subtitled even though it's in English It's a very deprived city and what's shown there does not reflect even vaguely the values of the average English person. They have nothing else but appearance basically.

[SuperGeek]

Good to know. Maybe I'll consider visiting Liverpool then. At first glance, that documentary totally turned me off to that place.

 

There is a reason why it's subtitled even though it's in English It's a very deprived city and what's shown there does not reflect even vaguely the values of the average English person. They have nothing else but appearance basically.

[SuperGeek]

Do it! If you can't handle the 15 lbs of weight gain, he isn't for you

 

Next time a guy gains 15 lbs Im gonna ditch him. Dont hate me: Im just acting like a guy.

[Emilia]

Good to know. Maybe I'll consider visiting Liverpool then. At first glance, that documentary totally turned me off to that place.

 

Don't go there. Ever. It's horrible. Been there 3 times and it's a knuckle draggers' city (apologies to any Scousers).

[RedRobin]

Next time a guy gains 15 lbs Im gonna ditch him. Dont hate me: Im just acting like a guy.

 

To be 'fair', it should be proportional to % prior weight. And make him get on the scale before sleeping with him, lol.

 

So if the guy started out as 200 lbs, then anything more than 10% weight gain is grounds for

 

- no sex or sex with someone else

 

- making him a FWB or your back up plan while you look for someone who hasn't gained 10% of his prior weight

 

- or just dumping him. He knows the rules. the minute he gains 10% the signal goes off, and trap door in the floor opens up... down he goes...

 

heck, we could even have a 'smart meter' for a guy's weight... the door to your bedroom has a laser device that does a quick scan before he's allowed in... ala 'The Incredibles'

 

... I'll get to work on the patent disclosure lol...

[clia]

I think she is getting comfortable and settling in! We have been dating for six months. I have posted on here about how she stopped wearing make-up as much and jewelry (I know I got the riot act for the makeup statement). Anyways, now she is starting with the weight gain. When I met her, she worked out (gym, treadmill, work out videos) religiously every day. Now, she has given that up almost completely. She goes on walks with me and her dog and sometimes my kids. And to answer the question before its asked…yes I do exercise at least five times a week.

 

I read an article today that stated 90% of women gain weight (up to 15 lbs) in the 4-6 month period of a new relationship. This is not fair when the majority of the popularity bases a lot of their choosing their mates (at first glance) based on their attractiveness levels. I’m just sayin’

 

I realize I am going to get the riot act again from the ladies on here, I would like to hear your honest opinions on this though. As far as the guys, has this happened to you and when it did ...how did you handle it?

 

Do the two of you go out to eat (or drink) a lot? I've been known to put on 5-10lbs in the beginning of a relationship because of the initial dating period which usually consists of a lot of dinners, festivals, desserts, drinks, wine, etc. So, it is not surprising to me at all to hear about that study you cited. It makes a lot of sense. (Of course, the guy I'm dating usually puts on weight also.) Do you think it could just be that, and as you two settle in more away from that kind of thing she will get back to her usual weight?

 

Also, I don't know where you live, but where I am we are just now getting to spring weather. It isn't completely unheard of for people to gain a few pounds in the winter because they typically aren't as active. If you've been with her for six months, you met her at the tail end of summer, which is probably when she was at her thinnest. (It is for me, anyway.) I've been fairly unmotivated to work out over the past couple of months due to the weather, and I'm one who usually works out 5-6 times a week. Maybe as the weather improves she will get more active. Generally when it starts to hit bikini and sleeveless season that kicks women into gear.

 

My point is that if you are talking about 5-10 lbs, that isn't much, and is a fairly normal gain over winter season and the beginning of the relationship. I wouldn't start judging or getting too concerned unless the weight gain continues on a consistent basis through the next six months. And no, I don't think you are shallow at all for wanting her to stay thinner. That said, if you are noticing something as miniscule as 5-10 lbs (or even 15 lbs, depending on her frame), your standards might be way too high. You really seem to like complaining about her looks -- maybe she isn't the right person for you. On most people that kind of weight gain is barely even noticeable. I think that is much different than someone packing on a substantial amount of weight during the course of the relationship. I wouldn't like that either.

[Emilia]

hope you're just blowing off steam. the original poster is being unreasonable. don't mimic him but rather be the opposite. our society places too much emphasis on looks and way too little on character.

 

So you don't believe that aspects of the person's looks imply their character? ie how much effort a person makes to stay in shape for example?

[GorillaTheater]

Attraction is a tricky thing; we often have a hard time verbalizing what we ourselves find attractive in others. And however folks may be to downplay it, physical appearance is at least a component of attraction. And I'm not differentiating between the sexes here; I've seen plenty of threads by wives complaining about lardass husbands.

 

Now, certainly weight gain can effect attractiveness. I can't see how anyone can argue the point. Tolerance levels differ; one person starts to get nervous about only their SO gaining as little as 10 pounds, others are still good to go after a 100, but with just about everybody, there is a point they're going to see as "too fat". We're just arguing about the gradations here.

 

My wife and I have been married nearly 30 years. Neither one of us are going to get gigs as underwear models anytime soon, but we keep ourselves in reasonable shape not only for ourselves but for each other. I still wear size 32 pants, and I doubt my wife has gained more than 20 pounds or so since we've gotten married. She's still wildly hot to me, and that hotness depends on alot more than just her physical appearance. Appearance in fact is probably only a small part of that attraction.

 

Would I feel the same if we were talking about 120 pounds instead of just 20? I don't know, but I doubt it. It wouldn't impact my love for her, but I can't see how it wouldn't impact how I'm attracted to her. A point is reached where physical attractiveness, or the lack of it, becomes the biggest factor.

 

So I think it's pretty disingenuous to argue that weight gain shouldn't matter at all. At some point, of course it does. And attraction being such a personal thing, there doesn't seem much point in shaming anyone for their preferences.

[Emilia]

my opinion is both men and women emphasize physical aspects over what type of person they are. gaining 15 lbs what's the big deal? what's a big deal is all the lying and cheating and the general rudeness that goes on.

 

I think that 15lbs has been just someone's example

[Emilia]

So I think it's pretty disingenuous to argue that weight gain shouldn't matter at all. At some point, of course it does. And attraction being such a personal thing, there doesn't seem much point in shaming anyone for their preferences.

 

I suppose my main point is that if 20lbs doesn't matter but someone's personal preference is that 50lbs would, it's better to tell the person at the 20lbs stage (probably not when it's gained over 30 years, granted) than wait until it's 50.

 

Speed of gaining that weight would have a lot to do with it obviously.

[Emilia]

point is 15 lbs isn't 150 lbs.

 

Why is 150lbs worse than 15lbs?

[GorillaTheater]

I suppose my main point is that if 20lbs doesn't matter but someone's personal preference is that 50lbs would, it's better to tell the person at the 20lbs stage (probably not when it's gained over 30 years, granted) than wait until it's 50.

 

Speed of gaining that weight would have a lot to do with it obviously.

 

I agree with that, although the actual mechanics can get a little tricky. Encouraging a healthy lifestyle from a positive perspective is probably going to be the best way to go, but it gets a little difficult after that. Telling your SO that their weight gain is impacting their attractiveness to you is honest, but may well get you either more weight gain, or them losing the weight for someone else.

[Emilia]

I agree with that, although the actual mechanics can get a little tricky. Encouraging a healthy lifestyle from a positive perspective is probably going to be the best way to go, but it gets a little difficult after that. Telling your SO that their weight gain is impacting their attractiveness to you is honest, but may well get you either more weight gain, or them losing the weight for someone else.

 

of course. There are ways of phrasing it but I'd certainly say that it's taking responsibility for your marriage/relationship discussing it rather than just stop having sex or divorce because 'it's their body'.

[MidwestUSA]

 

When women gain weight, it tends to go straight to the waist

No, thighs and butt!

[GorillaTheater]

of course. There are ways of phrasing it but I'd certainly say that it's taking responsibility for your marriage/relationship discussing it rather than just stop having sex or divorce because 'it's their body'.

 

I'm not entirely sure that "it's their body" business is entirely true. It's mostly true, but I can't help but think that my wife and I have a vested interest (not to mention other interests ) in each other's bodies, and that reasonable preferences of the other should be generally honored. I guess it's up to the couple to define "reasonable", though.

[GorillaTheater]

I agree. I think you can tell alot about people from their avatars.

[GorillaTheater]

Well I AM Don Draper:cool:

 

 

I may have a few more teeth than my avatar, but "crazy old guy" isn't too far off the mark.

[pbjbear]

I work out for 45 mins everyday.

I use two 30 lb dumbbels for many of my exercises. I only use free weights. Machines are for wussies.

I run, bike, hike, rock climb.

I am in good shape. Im not an avid gym goer, I do different things involving exercise outside of the gym.

I am also a huge nerd. I read dorky books, watch dorky shows and spent 2 hrs last night talking to my best female friend about a range of topics- astronomy, politics, psychology, neurobiology.

 

You can be both in shape and nerdy. Perhaps there arent alot of people like me but you can do both. Most of the guys I meet at the gym are just sporty though and dont do much to stimulate their mind. I have had several men there say they were intimidated by me at first because 1) I strength train and most girls dont 2) I am pretty smart and I guess most smart girls are ugly according to them and 3) I dont take **** from people. I dont think Im intimidating, but whatever. Im pretty sure when I walk down the street people dont go "peyton is a thug"

 

Sanatarium, my weight goes to my boobs and ass first. Then if I keep gaining it goes to my arms and waist. This is why I dont starve myself or really even try to lose weight. I like my Tits and Ass. Losing 5 lbs just makes me bonier in the chest. Everyone has a different body shape. It is also easier for men to gain muscle weight than women. It took me almost a year of regular strength training to gain a lb of muscle.

Edited May 1, 2013 by pbjbear

[thefooloftheyear]

I will say this....

 

Of my buddies that complain the most about the bodies of their wives and how they have gotten so fat are the same guys that have bodies that if I were them, id never take my shirt off in public.

 

Ill say it again guys....

 

Be careful what you wish for...The women that are obsessed with their bodies are oftentimes attention whores who live their whole lives worrying about which men notice them and want to be the center of attention whenever they walk into a room. I can speak from experience its NOT appealing at all and you will be frustrated as hell with these types.

 

Again, be careful.. Jodi Arias fits into that category..And look what happened to her boyfriend...

 

TFY