swan88 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I am just curious. I have friends that are women and that is fine but they are all my friends girlfriends or people I have grown up with. Women I have never done anything with in a romantic sense. And I'm wondering if you really seek out friendships with guys who you HAVE had romantic history with? The reason I bring all this up is that I have a girl who I had a romantic history with and she blurs the lines. Her and I were acquaintances from college, but she was only there 2 years before transferring. I knew her through friends but mostly by name. Fast forward 6 years later to 2011 and one of my friends says I should call her up since she is cute and single. I thought it was dumb since we hadn't even been around one another in 6 years. But eventually her and I end up on a date. We hit it off very well. It was very easy between us, and I honestly hadn't felt that comfortable around a girl. We first went on a date 2 years ago. Hit it off insanely well. It was so easy. Problem was she was moving 3 weeks from our first date several states away. We got 4 or 5 dates in before she left. All were fabulous. Kept in touch after she left. She would contact me almost everyday with music I should listen to, random thoughts, and general conversation. Some times we'd talk on the phone or Skype and those conversations could be hours. I did visit her once while she was away. I didn't know what to expect because we never discussed "us" but after I made the first move we acted like a couple the whole time I was there. A few weeks later she became distant and told me she had met someone. It hurt but I knew it was likely since we weren't a couple and long distance is terrible. I stopped contact. She would end up sending me an Xmas card saying she had been thinking of me and I would call her in January. This type of thing happens a couple more times. She came home for her birthday that June (2012) and after going out with her we were kissing but she eventually stopped and said that it wasn't healthy for us to keep doing this if we were long distance. I knew that was right but it still hurt. After that I didn't talk to her for 3 months. Then in August (2012) she sent me a random email with a song to listen to. It seemed an ice breaker but I just responded shortly hoping not to be too convenient. 3 days later she texts me and says she's moving home. I was very excited but didn't know what that meant for us. She started flooding me with contact up until her arrival. Everyday texts and emails. I was excited. Her 2nd day home (Oct) we went on a date. At the end of it I tried to go in for a kiss. She turned her cheek. She emailed me later saying she could only be friends. I said I didn't want that and couldn't do that and stopped contact. Then in Dec she started contacting me again. I felt weird about it and said I wanted to talk to discuss things. We met, had fun and at the end I asked why she was contacting me. She said she wanted to see if we could hang out. I said I can't if it's only friendship. She said she understood. But then in the past Month she was started contacting me again. First started by asking me if I wanted to go to a concert in June. Then texts through the day. She asked if I wanted to hangout during her time off. I don't know what to think, but I still have those feelings for her. I asked her to go to a concert last night. It was great. We had fun but I didn't try to make any moves. I wasn't standoffish I just wasn't very aggressive. I put my hand on the small of her back to talk to her during the show and she didn't mind. I don't know what to think of it all She knows how I felt and what I've said about being friends, and now she is coming around again. And typically I would think it had to do with her being sad but right now her life is going very well. She is starting a new job and looking for a new place to live. I mean this has to be the highest she's been in 2 years actually. So her starting to contact me feels odd. I mean I am an awesome guy, and believe it or not attractive...just not greatly sure of myself. BUT why is she back again? Why does she need me in her life so much?
ITw Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Roll with it and ask her out on a date. Tell her you're serious about it being a date and not hanging out. Tell her that you are looking to date and not just "hang out". She might surprise you and give you the answer you want. If she's coming around again, she probably misses you and is ready for more with you. Women (and men) can't always recognize love immediately. She doesn't want to lose you. The fact that she keeps coming back is probably because she has developed feelings for you. Ask her out. My take on it anyway - based on experience.
Author swan88 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) ITW I am trying but I just want to gain as much perspective as I can. As you figure I'm very analytical which totally psychs me out on this stuff. I figure there is an emotional attachment that she has but not sure what exactly that is. I get caught up figuring out how to be towards her. What will drive her attraction up. Its easy for me to have fun conversations with her but then I struggle with whether or not I'm too available to her. Also with how aggressive to be since I don't want to appear too needy. I always struggle with how much attention to give a woman without becoming too available. Like she just now texted me telling me she may have found a new place to live. "hey may have found a place...its got lime green walls." I responded "great. Where at?" But I look at that and wonder if me being short is intriguing or just boring. Edited April 29, 2013 by swan88
ITw Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 No short messages like that are not intriguing. Not boring but not intriguing either. You've gotta give her a little more to go on if you're trying to build up attraction. I think you're overanalyzing things. Don't make it more difficult than it has to be. Texting shouldn't be the main form of communication in the beginning - unless distance is a factor. But that's where e-mail, phone, and Skype come in anyway. There's too much ambiguity and confusion when you try to analyze every text message because it's limited. Sometimes a text is just a text. Actions speak pretty loud. Ask her out and show her how you feel about her. Forget about whether or not you're being too needy. She might think you don't care if you try to pull back or act nonchalant, while you're just trying to not seem to needy. Do you see how things can get so confusing when you do all that? You can analyze the situation to death. Another guy could start chatting her up while you do. At some point, you've got to make your move.
Author swan88 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 So some time as gone by and I went to a concert with her and things were ok but nothing amazing happened. I didn't try anything with her. I ended up sending her a card to congratulate her on all her recent success and she called and said it almost made her cry. Then I got a letter from her which she actually had sent before I sent mine, thanking me for taking her to the show and hoping that the concert we are supposed to go to in June will be just as good. Well this past Saturday she went with me to a beer festival. It was a great time. I flirted more with her, and she was more receptive. She even had someone take a picture of the two of us with her phone, and then posted it online. After the festival was over we were heading back to my place to take her to her car and she asked me if I wanted to join her and her parents and their friends for dinner at her parents place(she lives there for 2 more weeks until getting her own place). I obliged and went over. It was a very nice evening and after dinner the two of us hung out in private, just sitting on the deck listening to music and talking a bit. When I went to leave and she walked me to my car there was that awkward pause in goodbye...to kiss or hug or what? So I just said "this is awkward...what are we doing?" This started a lengthy conversation in which she said she didn't know her entire feelings for me, and that she had gone on some dates with another guy recently. She said I made her happy but also had fears about getting in a relationship quick and thinks that if we did that it could be rushed since we have such a history. I basically kept driving home a few points like "what are doing with me" "what do you want" and "why we keep going around in circles." Eventually after about an hour of discussion I noticed that she was ok with me getting closer and closer to her. I eventually went in for a kiss and she was more than delighted to be kissing me back. She was very passionate in her response and we kissed for quite a while. She responded "well that doesn't make things easier" but afterwards I went for more kisses and each time she allowed it and seemed very into it. I left with another kiss goodbye but really no resolution to her and I's relationship. Yesterday she sent me a random text of a song to listen to but when I responded later she wasn't responsive back, so I don't know what that means. I didn't talk to her today, and now I'm unsure of what I'm supposed to do. Wait and be patient, or pursue her more?? I also wonder if I just say I'm done with it and can't be her back up plan. I mean she obviously is still interested in this one guy but she has feelings for me, and at least now I know those can be romantic since she was very into the kisses we had. No idea how to play it now. I don't want to be to present and smother her but I also don't want to be so aloof that she ends up talking/spending time with this other guy. Any ideas?
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