Curlyj Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I know most people on here seem to be the OW/OM or a BS, but for those out there that are married and having or had an affair...how did you tell you husband/wife that you were having an affair? Did anyone come clean on their own doing, or were you just caught? I want to come clean to my fiance, but I dont even know where to begin.....I am so scared of hurting him (yes, i should have thought about that before starting the affair....) Sigh!
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Caught and confronted - two d-days - one by my xOM's wife and then another one 4 months later by my BS. As for my husband (who had his own affair later), same thing - I saw the texts and suspected for at least 6 months and then confronted - at first denial and then admission. Better to come clean as hard as it may be than for them to discover.
Silly_Girl Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 It's like ripping a plaster off and will only get more difficult as each day passes. If you plan to tell I'd say do it now. Even if you have to write it and ask him to read it whilst you walk around the block or something. That's what I hope I would do in that situation, and wish the guy I was seeing had done the same.
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I just did it. Things had been bad for months and we had gone through some ups and downs, but at the time things were 'okay' at home. my MOM had told me he told his W about us (ended up not being completely true) and it just sorta pushed me to want to come clean with my H and stop living this lie. To stop making his choices for him by leaving out the truth. It wasn't fair anymore. It had gone on long enough. I was clearly upset and just said I had to tell him something. The easiest way is just to say it. Put your spouse's needs above your own (for once in this whole thing) and come clean (if that is what you want to do). It was hell for a long while after and the hardest thing I've ever done. But, we are D now and he has a girlfriend and we talked recently and he is happy. And I am so glad that I allowed him the chance at that. So yeah. 3
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 It'll be a lot worse if your fiance finds out on his own. If you tell him then at least there's a chance that he'll want to forgive you, work with you and give you a second chance on working it out. If you go ahead and get married, then he finds out or finds out before the wedding, it'll be much harder for him to want to forgive you. of course there's always a chance he'll walk away... BUT, that shouldn't be a reason NOT to tell him the truth. You took a gamble by cheating on him to begin with, without concerning about the consquences of your choices and actions. It takes a big person to come clean and own their selfish mistakes and choices. Some can forgive, some can't. It all depends on the glue that holds you two together, if he thinks you're worth fighting for and how much he loves you, wants you as his future wife. 1
Poppy fields Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 My husband suspected, called the OM, and the OM confirmed the affair. It was not pretty. I recommend coming clean yourself.
Lillyfree Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 i waited for a few days after i ended the A. then said to my H 'there's something i need to tell you, can we talk'? and came out with it. as simple as that. 1
anne1707 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I told my husband. It was horrible - so much pain but also numb from the shock of it all for us both. Yet I could not lie any longer. I had no idea of what would happen just that I had to tell him. Thankfully we managed to work our way through and we are happy together years later but we could not have got where we are now without honesty.
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