CurlyIam Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 So what are your biggest regrets - regarding current or past relationships... Something you did, something you said, something you didn't do or say ? What is it that looking back, you wished you had done differently? Curly P.S. Some say that it is when you are young that you do the mistakes that have the biggest potential of ruining your life. Others say it's the things that you never did that haunt you... So I was wondering where you were.
goodnbad Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 My first response was to say, "My biggest regret was in not staying single." Really, looking back, I would have way fewer problems than I would have if I had only stayed single. And I would not have had children. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but the stress.....arggghhhhh....and the worry that something bad will happen to them. I wish I didn't have to deal with that. My heart sinks when I think of all the horrible things they may yet encounter. But of course, I fell for the old "you must get married to be a complete person" BS that my family always drilled into us as kids. And of course, after marriage came the equally annoying BS, "So when are you having kids, don't be selfish" crap. I originally planned on getting my tubes tied but it was refused by my ob-gyn because he felt that at 25, I was too young to know what I wanted. (I still feel some resentment towards him for that----for deciding for me what I wanted, as if I were a complete idiot). I guess after awhile, I just got tired of all the pushing and shoving of marriage and kids down my throat by family, friends, and complete strangers. How stupid of me to succumb, looking back and knowing what I know now. I really wasn't living my own life, I was living a life for others. But that's how it goes sometimes. On a happier note, though, I have learned a lot through marriage and kids that I would not have learned otherwise, and think I am a better person for it. My regrets are generally fleeting thoughts only. goodnbad
meanon Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Welcome back Curly! I'm making a list! Having said this, lurking in the back of my mind are words from a wise friend. Contentment comes from accepting ourselves as we are and as all our decisions and actions have helped shape the person we are, we should accept them all too - the good and the bad.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 biggest regret? worrying so much about trying to impress my boyfriends while I dated them. It only heightened my insecurity, and now -- years later -- I see that if they weren't already impressed by my dazzling personality, then nothing I did would make a difference! seriously, though, I think I made myself miserable worrying about what others thought of me -- people I met, people I went to school with, guys I dated, my siblings. As I get older, I realize, I just don't give a damn about what others think, so long as I do my best to be fair and friendly, I've done what I'm supposed to do.
bluechocolate Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 as all our decisions and actions have helped shape the person we are, we should accept them all too - the good and the bad Absolutely. No regrets here.
DazednConfused Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 I guess that would be the recent events of allowing my wife and myself to grow so far apart. It ain't over, but I think we may have lost too much to get back what we had. We still have love, and lots of it, but I will never be able to give her the same faith and trust that she once had earned. Don't ever get too comfortable.
Author CurlyIam Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 So far, my biggest regret is getting back with my ex. We had once split up - after one year and a half. I had a hard time in being alone, I had already adopted most of his friends, had a hard time being on my own... add a bruised ego from a guy I liked... well, I was vulnerable. The final push came from my parents. They liked my ex a lot, bu that was not the point. They seemed to think that if I was alone, something was not allright with me. As much as my mother admires independence, she fears promiscuity more. And I let it (my education, my parents pleas) get to me. Was in my summer holiday, all vulnerable, all alone... and I actually let it happen. I'd lie if I say I had no part in it. There was the emotional background, I was deeply wounded and I knew he not only loved me (should I say not mostly), but appreciated me and saw me as a person, as a value. I did it rationally and it was one big mistake. The next year together was perfect, maybe our best year. But the next... God, it was hell. I have some fears I'll never get over. I don't think I'll ever be able to live together with a man. It's like I'm not normal, at times.Like I can only take men that much. Given a too much quantity, or too often, I suffocate. I choke for air. And mainly it's because of me. I just couldn't leave. It was 4 years. The routine, the habits, the life we build... I wasn't just living him... Only a miracle helped me. I got a scholarship and left the country. And still, I needed other 6 months to be able to put a stop to it. It goes to show me that no one, no one is invincible or flawless. I had a very tough time with my current bf recentmly. Thought I was doing it again. Clinging. That's how I got thinking of this thread.Will I look back somewhere in the future and say this was another big mistake too? I chose to regret the things I did to those I did not do... if ever I live to regret it.
meanon Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 This is not the same situation, Curly. You may be feeling some of the same emotions but that's where the similarity ends. You are not the same person either, you've learned from your ex and what happened to you. You won't allow yourself to have another year of hell.
moimeme Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I decided long ago there was too much pain on the planet and that I'd do my best not to contribute to it. Having said that, I've often underestimated the effect something I might say would have on someone; principally because I figure there's no earthly reaosn why anyone should care, particularly, about my opinion. So I've tossed off comments facetiously figuring they'd have zero effect only to find, to my astonishment, that someone felt wounded by something I said. I get, however, that it's not so much my particular opinion that might bother someone but ratehr that some folks worry about everyone's opinion and so mine ends up in that pot. So while I agree one ought not regret one's life, I absolutely regret any distress I ever caused anyone. I'm sure I'm not the better for having done so and likely the people involved weren't improved by it, either. Curly, past scars are more vulnerable to wounding but that doesn't mean that your current situation is the same as any past ones. You can't visit the sins of someone else on the present person; they are different and will behave differently.
re3rocks Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 biggest mistake was never talkin to a girl that i was crazy for and i had a realy good chance wit her. boo me. it woulda been so easy to make somethin happen, but i didnt cuz i was stupid now im stuck alone, it sux being alone... specialy cuz all my friends are gone at college and stuff, so thers no one around at all so like, word to kids my age : ****in dont sit around if u like some1, make it happen or ull be super lonely like me (im 17) if ur too shy, do sumthin about it and make it happen already b4 its too late! gogogo!
Author CurlyIam Posted September 22, 2004 Author Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks, you two. I know the situations are different. This time there are no parents to blame . Actually, it's the differances that keep me on the track. I like that this time, my relationship is different from the one before. My only problem is that last time I was happy too. So kind of tend to associate that with bad things. Only when I feel vulnerable, of course. It was mean of me to say the things I did. I should be more honest and accept someone as they are, if I intend to be in a relationship. Anyway, most of the time I actually am reasonable and sensible . At times, I do freak out and he is very understanding and forgiving, thinking it's somehow his fault. Sometimes it is, other times it isn't. But I am lucky to have him as a bf, that's for sure !
Papillon Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 When I was younger, I was extremely idealistic, and a very black and white moral and religious thinker. I avoided going to clubs, because those places were "the nests of Satan", etc.... I wasn't a nice person to be around, basically I thought I knew everything, even though I thought that I was such an interesting guy. Meanwhile I was a little ingratiating git. I regret ever having been brought up in a religious faith, and subscribing to it so passionately. With hindsight, it made my relationships a nightmare. There is nothing worse when you only stare yourself blind at the decisions people make, and are unable to see through to the person him/herself. To all those long-gone women...I'm sorry.
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 My biggest regret? Staying with my first boyfriend too long. It was good for the first year and a half...Then it became that typical, we should break up but we didn't because of the sex...He really screwed me up, I was young (17) and stupid I guess...But I stayed anyway therefore allowing him to treat me badly, emotionally abused me and gave me all sorts of insecuries and alot of a pain when I finally had the guts to dump his *ss.
guest Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Not waiting for the man I love now. The men I've been with before him were meaningless, and I wish I could have respected myself and been a little smarter back then.
HokeyReligions Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 My biggest regret is not have the billions of dollars to buy my own nuclear arsenal. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t48247/
loveregardless Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 especially so young. I secretely wish I was still a virgin, I really do. Now THATS idealistic!
Stone Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I regret growing up so fast!! Having a child to young.... ( NO I don't regret my child..... I just wish I would have waited 5 years)
goodnbad Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I made myself miserable worrying about what others thought of me -- people I met, people I went to school with, guys I dated, my siblings. As I get older, I realize, I just don't give a damn about what others think, so long as I do my best to be fair and friendly, I've done what I'm supposed to do. Yes! I can soooo relate! You said that wonderfully! goodnbad
Wolvesbaned Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Hi Curly Crazy but I've always tried to avoid regrets. Even in my last relationship, at least now I've experienced married life and at a young age. Though this isn't your question, the thing I'm most thankful for is that I don't have children. If I did have kids with him, I'd regret it (not the kids, but with him).
Karlise13 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I wish I had let this one particular guy get closer to me, I wish I had let him in, let him love me and had loved him back. Because I didn't realize until too late what he was to me. I wish I hadn't slept with someone's husband. I wish I had walked away from certain guys when my gut screamed "TROUBLE" from day 1. Would have spared me a lot of pain. I wish I had gone out for drama club in High School I wish I had been nicer to my mom growing up I wish I had been a better friend to L. I miss her. I try not to spend time regretting things. But those are mine.
JessicaAlmond Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 No regrets!! I live my life to the fulest, say whats on my mind, and do something nice for someone everyday! I do Wish I hadn't battled with my sexuality for so long and had a chance to experiment before getting in a serious realtionship . Oh well...
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