ConfusedT Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Ok, second day NC. I am crying all day and so sad. Can't eat, can't sleep well, heartbreak is literally the worst thing in the entire universe and what makes it worse is no apology or anything, i think its so horrible, but hey, life happens.... i am probably going to sign up for counseling since I clearly need it. i have a feeling i may be "co-dependent" because I continue to deal with lousy men who really aren't good for me. I try to fix them instead of fixing myself and in reality, no one changes unless they are ready to change. So here I am stuck again, knowing it's wrong to be going through this when I should have walked away after he cheated the first time, after he lied the first time, after he pushed me the first time, but I didn't... Hopefully some counseling will at least help me understand why I am doing this to myself and why I allow others to do it as well....
iouaname Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Hi hon! I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I know how painful and difficult it is. Your story resonates quite a bit with me, and so I'd like to offer you some advice on what has helped me. I'm not quite sure how far out of the breakup you are, but I am about four and a half months and I can tell you that I do feel significantly better. Ok, second day NC. I am crying all day and so sad. Can't eat, can't sleep well, heartbreak is literally the worst thing in the entire universe and what makes it worse is no apology or anything, i think its so horrible, but hey, life happens.... NC is a good start, and as someone who had it broken several times within the past few months, the best advice I can give here is do not let it get broken. One thing that really helped me recently, and that I wish I would have done earlier, is cut all ties and really, really disappear -- completely. Nobody, not my ex or anyone that he knows, has any way of knowing how I am doing (I blocked them all on Facebook) and it has helped me because now I can go through whatever I want without feeling like he knows how I am doing. Maybe this is helpful to you? As far as how you are feeling, the best advice that I received was to let yourself feel whatever you feel. It's okay to be upset, angry, confused... it's okay to cry, scream... all of it is okay and perfectly normal. The worst thing that you can do at this point is put pressure on yourself to feel anything. i am probably going to sign up for counseling since I clearly need it. i have a feeling i may be "co-dependent" because I continue to deal with lousy men who really aren't good for me. I try to fix them instead of fixing myself and in reality, no one changes unless they are ready to change. This is a really good step! Counseling helped me quite a bit, because it helped me just work through my issues. I would speak and speak and it would just... work out. It is possible that you have some co-dependency issues, I know that I definitely did and that my ex played into it in some sort of twisted way because he needed to feel important to someone. Counseling is definitely beneficial and I highly recommend it. So here I am stuck again, knowing it's wrong to be going through this when I should have walked away after he cheated the first time, after he lied the first time, after he pushed me the first time, but I didn't... I understand This happened to me as well. My ex manipulated me, cheated on me, and lied to me for months and when I found out about it all, I took him back because I really believed that he had changed. In the long run, I just ended up being hurt even more but in different ways. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes. These mistakes shape us a little bit and help us to construct our boundaries in relationships and in life. "The only mistakes are ones from which we learn nothing." Good luck! You're going to get through this, for sure. If I can, anyone can.
Author ConfusedT Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Hi hon! I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I know how painful and difficult it is. Your story resonates quite a bit with me, and so I'd like to offer you some advice on what has helped me. I'm not quite sure how far out of the breakup you are, but I am about four and a half months and I can tell you that I do feel significantly better. I am not even close to 4.5 months, I am one day 5 or something. =( Its so hard because all I want to do is call him and ask he why he did it? Why he isnt apologizing for it? Anything... I can't just disappear although I wish I could.. He lived here, so all his crap is here, like literally everything except what he left with because he hasnt been back over to get it. Im even sleeping on his bed (when I moved in, I didn't have one so he gave me his). I blocked him already THANK GOODNESS bc i really dont want to see what he is doing either. Im more concerned with what he is doing that writing how I am feeling though... :? Thank you, I just want to sit here and cry but unfortunately I can't although I wish I could... I wish I could be happy and smiling like I used to... I have been to a counselor on and off again so it is not consistent, but I heard it has done wonders and I am happy it worked for you. How long were you in it for it to have some type of effect on you? We always take them back over and over again. I think if I had been who I was before none of this would have happened. I became insecure with our relationship after the first time he cheated and I guess I never really worked through my issues to fix that. Everyone has their issues and I guess not fixing mine, kept me where I was. Don't look down on yourself for taking him back, sometimes the feelings are too much to bare and you do what you shouldn't even when you know you shouldn't! Yes, mistakes are hard to get through but they do teach you so much!! And Im happy you are feeling better now, I really hope I can get there without breaking NC but I doubt it at this point because he is going to need things and need to get his stuff so there is obviously NO way to not communicate at least initially... Maybe he did that on purpose? SIghs, well once again, CONGRATS to you on the progress and I did it before so I know i can do it again!!
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