I just need to vent

[Jammysaurus]

Hello everybody, I have been lurking in these forums since my ex and I broke up and firstly I'd like to thank everybody for their advice, some of it has really helped me. I'm facing a low point today and I feel like maybe sharing my story would help me to make sense of the confusion. Here is my story, the condensed version.

 

My ex and I were together for 6 years, we were both very young, (He 17, me 19) we had a long distance relationship for a year before I moved the 150 miles to live with him. We were very much in love for a few years. He was a very kind, wonderful person but as I'd moved to a new area to be with him, I began to rely on him for almost everything.

 

I realised this wasn't healthy but we both ignored it for a while, I went through some issues with anxiety and depression and although I always loved him I can appreciate that I wasn't a fun person to be around. My sex life and social life both took a turn for the worse and I know that it hurt him because he felt that he wasn't making me happy.

 

In January last year, he slept with somebody else. It was a drunken thing and although it doesn't excuse it, I knew that I was partly to blame and forgave him. Our relationship became much stronger after that, I remembered how much he meant to me and we started to come alive and work hard again, as opposed to the complacency that had been haunting us for the year prior.

 

In June last year, he had an important exam for university. His behavior began to get erratic, he wasn't sleeping and his temper became very short. I tried to be as supportive as I could but he was very defensive and distanced himself from me. He has suffered from a nervous breakdown in the past (prior to our relationship) and I was worried that this was happening again.

In August during an argument he told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore as we weren't making each other happy. I agreed that he was right, I knew that something had to change.

 

We had a long talk and were both mature. We agreed that we both still loved each other very much and would continue to support each other but we couldn't continue to be together because our relationship had become destructive.

 

Our finances were tied up in the flat so we continued to live with each other until February this year. The first couple of months were a little awkward but mostly we coped, still eating dinner together and getting along well.

 

In December something changed, his behavior became more and more erratic. I understand that we were in a strange situation and things weren't perfect but the way he acted was like someone completely different to the boy I knew. Refusing to come to hospital with me when I was ill, boasting about his sexual conquests in front of me and storming out at the smallest slight. He began to drink almost every night and dropped out of his university course.

 

In February I found a room to rent in the next city. Far enough away so that there was no chance of me bumping into him on a night out. I was hoping that once I moved he would be alright but things seem to have escalated even more. He has lost almost all his best friends due to his behavior, he spends his time in bars trying desperately to hook up with anyone who is interested in him and he has become a selfish and obnoxious person.

 

Our contact is limited, usually initiated by me and dwindling. He swings between being the kind boy that I once knew and loved to being the callous insensitive person that he seems to have become. I miss him terribly but I accept that we both need a lot of space at the very least. It has been very hard as I was almost completely dependent on him but it has been liberating for me to learn to do things for myself and I am trying very hard to change.

 

I guess, I'm just looking for some support, insight and advice. I still love him very much and it breaks my heart to see him so unhappy, especially when he was the one that initiated the break up.

[Chi townD]

Well, what can you say? What can you do? Really.......nothing.

 

Look, he's the one that ended it. It seems like he has a lot of issues to work through. But, unfortunately, he has no desire to do so. It's not your job to fix him.

 

If your that concerned to for well being, the best thing you can do is inform his family of his bizzare behavior and that you're concerned for him.

 

Other than that, there's really not much else you can do. Remember, he wanted you out of his life. So, you have to give him that. After you've told his folks, just try to move on with your life.

[Jammysaurus]

Yes, you're right. I've given up trying to help him, as bad as that makes me feel. He has to do that for himself. His friends have also tried to help him but they're also met with denial that there's any problem.

 

I'm just having a bad day. The break up didn't really hit me until I moved away from him and I'm having trouble dealing with things. I'm taking one day at a time and slowly I'm starting to have more and more good days but sometimes I just hurt so much.