swiftly333 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I know, I've been posting a lot lately.... So it's been 1 week since I last contacted him through text messages. I was saying so badly to keep trying, he's been responding so it's tempting to keep going. But it's he's seeing someone else, I'm not doing myself any favors. Last night I caught myself already planning on how and when I could break no contact. I came up with a few scenarios. I was upset with myself and started taking to myself about how I am strong. How I don't need this in my life, redirecting my focus on upcoming events in my life that I should be really excited about (is very likely I'll be leaving for an extended period of time so trying to work things out just doesn't make sense). Ok. We can do this. I resisted the temptation to try and check his blog, his Facebook for clues ( he un friended me but I can still seems few things, like comments on profile pictures. Enough to get some ideas that hurt) Then my phone makes an alert noise. It was almost midnight. What could this be. It was an alert from mg "draw it" app, we used to play this together. It said <ex name> took a turn. I was like WTF? Is this dude really trying to pay this with me at midnight? What the he'll is this about? I become filled with emotions and feel so conflicted. Pissed off. Hopeful. Confused. I spent a few seconds freaking out then open up the app. Then the message has more details. It said that <my ex> just took a turn with some else and that I should continue our games because it was my turn. What a slap in the face. What a metaphor "continue our game" I spent this whole day trying to fight the urge. Then this happened. It was like my phone forced me to break no contact. It was awful! All these thoughts come rushing in. Who's he playing with? This new b_tch. Maybe she really is replacing me. He was already using the same jokes with her on FB, Now doing the same activities with her? Well, at least that means that he isn't up all night taking to her on the phone like we used to do. Or maybe he is. He.put it on his tablet to. Maybe he's talking to her and playing draw it at the same time. Worse yet, maybe their in bed playing together. together. We used to to do that, too. Or maybe he's up playing draw it with random people at midnight because he can't sleep because he's thinking if me? Wouldn't that be nice. But not likely. Ouch. I hated that my phone did this to me. I obsessed about what to do. Do I play a game with him? Do I keep the app and hope.it will send him reminders of me? Do I start posting with others to, just to prove a point that I can do it too? I spent several minutes obsessing then did what I knew I should do and deleted the app from my phone. Now.I'm all messed up. My alerts went off again this morning. Just emails but I'm now terrified of my phone. I try so hard to go NC but apparently things will jeep happening that will reopen and Salt these wounds.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I feel stupid. After minutes of writing this post I put it back on my phone, phone but turn the alerts off. I thought if I keep the account open then he had to see my picture next yo our game every time he opens the app. I want him to be reminded of me, too.
CorridorE Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I feel stupid. After minutes of writing this post I put it back on my phone, phone but turn the alerts off. I thought if I keep the account open then he had to see my picture next yo our game every time he opens the app. I want him to be reminded of me, too. I used to think that way too... my ex and I used to stay up late sometimes playing draw it when we were apart, as well as the scrabble app. And I did something similar to what you did, only on Skype. We live in different states (LDR, 3 years) and we always only skyped with each other. Well, after the breakup I accidentally hit the skype icon on my computer when trying to open internet explorer, and when it came up I saw that he was online. And I just knew he was skyping with his new girlfriend... It made me angry and hurt, and from then on for about two weeks I started opening skype in the afternoons when we used to use it to talk, just so if he was online he would get the notification at the bottom of the screen that I was online and see my picture. My hope was that he would be reminded of me and wonder who I was talking to... Well, maybe it did get to him alittle or, more probably, it just became an annoyance because eventually he deleted me as a contact. Message recieved... that was when I also deleted the scrabble and draw it apps from my phone. It's been about a month now and I haven't reinstalled them. I'd say do your best to delete the app and keep it off your phone. Not only is it giving you some false hope, it also is a reminder of him that you don't need on your phone at all.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I turned the notifications off... But you're probably right. I should just delete it. I don't know where we stand. So I guess I hope reminders would still work at this point. But that's probably still false hope. In don't known what I'm doing.
CorridorE Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) So it's been 1 week since I last contacted him through text messages. I was saying so badly to keep trying, he's been responding so it's tempting to keep going. But it's he's seeing someone else, I'm not doing myself any favors. I turned the notifications off... But you're probably right. I should just delete it. I don't know where we stand. So I guess I hope reminders would still work at this point. But that's probably still false hope. In don't known what I'm doing. Even though you turned off the notifications, you're still not doing yourself any favors by having the app on your phone as a reminder. Now you'll still be wondering if he sees your account there when he logs in and whether or not it's affecting him. If you have something specific to say to him because you still don't know where you stand, tell him, because simply seeing your name on draw it alone isn't going to make him come to you. Or, more preferably, just delete all ties you have with him altogether and just do your best to focus on moving on. Edited April 30, 2013 by CorridorE 1
Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Even though you turned off the notifications, you're still not doing yourself any favors by having the app on your phone as a reminder. Now you'll still be wondering if he sees your account there when he logs in and whether or not it's affecting him. If you have something specific to say to him because you still don't know where you stand, tell him, because simply seeing your name on draw alone it isn't going to make him come to you. Or, more preferably, just delete all ties you have with him altogether and just do your best to focus on moving on. This is excellent advice. OP, I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. I can tell from your posts that you are reeling emotionally, and it makes sense given what has happened recently. That said, I am unsure what leaving open this app "window" would accomplish, except to perpetuate false hope and self-torture. Simply put, if he is interested in discussing reconciliation further, he knows where to find you. An app isn't going to affect his decision one way or another, and it's only going to cause you further anxiety and pain. Again, sorry you are hurting. Sending good thoughts.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 You guys are right. I've uninstalled the app. Im continuing no contact, but still unsure if I'm going to move on or keep trying. Right now I'm continuing to work on myself and wait and see.
BLS Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Woah. Relax, take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself. Break up are rough and they really suck. Read over your own post, you never want to be in a situation where you're thinking about it this much. Delete the app, delete his contact information, delete him from all social networking sites and DO NOT internet stalk. Realize you're in an incredibly vulnerable state, the only thing that can fix that is complete NC. Work on self improvement. Exercise, get killer grades in school or put extra effort into your job. Get a hobby (something, ANYTHING to get your mind off this) Time heals all wounds, you will be fine as an independent person in due time.
fiftyofsomethin Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I am feeling the pain of technology as well right now. I unfriended her on Facebook, but I still see her post in this event group for a mutual friend's grad party that we were both invited to. So yeah. It's still painful. And she even seems to be toning up the "happiness meter" now that she knows I'm on it.
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