I'm Not the "One" Anymore, He's Dating a New Girl, & Suddenly Wants to Be FRIENDS?!?

[123confused321]

I am 5 weeks out of a 2.5 year relationship with the man whotold me I was “the one.” We met in college, and he told me he loved me after 2months. From that point on, he told me I was “the one,” he’d never felt thisway about anyone before. We talked marriage and future, we were making plans.There was no question --- we were going to get married.

 

 

Throughout our relationship, around the 3 months, though, I noticed some things just ‘weren’t right.’ He would give me the silent treatment, twist my words, everything became MY fault. This pattern of highsand lows would continue throughout the whole relationship. You can view previousposts of mine for specifics, but I just overall got the feeling that in hiseyes, HE was more important than me, and our relationship fell last in his listof priorities. He flat out told me, “I don’t have a ring on this finger, anduntil I do, softball and hunting are top priority and you can fall wherever you fit in.”

 

But yet, at the same time, he was still being very nice at times, we still had good days together, he still told me he loved me, and stilltalked future. But he did NOT treat me well a lot of the time, either. He would belittle me, tell me I was too demanding for wanting something as simple asspending a weekend with him. ANY argument we had was automatically my fault, that I’m too “needy, unappreciative.” When I knew I was not.

 

He out of the blue broke up with me about 5 weeks ago claiming that I stressed him out too much, and we just needed a break “until we were both less stressed.”

 

Then, a week later his story changed. He said that he brok eup with me because he is a very selfish and proud person. And that he is too selfish to be in a relationship with anyone. That it was not my fault, it was his

 

Then, another week later, it turned into “I thought you were the one, but something in the back of my mind is telling me you’re not. I can’t put my finger on it.” Left me once again crying in my driveway, with tears inhis eyes, telling me, “I have a lot of thinking to do.” I took it as maybe hewas having second thoughts about the breakup.

 

A week later, after no contact, I saw him tagged in a Facebook picture with a girl at a bar. I, stupidly, flipped out and confronted him, and told him that if it’s over, he should tell me. He said, “ok it’s over.”Our conversation consisted of him telling me the old line “you’re a great girl. I don’t regret the time we spent together, I enjoyed it. You will find the right one for you and someone who will treat you better than I did. You’re just not the one for me.”

 

But yet, when I ask him WHY I’m not the one anymore, he says “I don’t know why

 

We texted last night after 2 weeks of no contact. He is still seeing this girl, and the weird thing is, I’m seeing another guy. But Istill want my ex back. He answered some questions of mine. He finally told me, “I had been having doubts for awhile, but I just kept telling myself that ourrelationship made sense because we have similar goals and I did enjoy spendingtime with you. But eventually the fact that I didn’t feel you were the one anymore outweighed it just ‘making sense.’

 

As far as the new girl, he informed me all they’ve done is kiss & are taking it slow. He said he randomly kissed girls in the barsabout a week after we broke up (I mean really?) and he felt nothing, but heclaims he “feels something” with this new girl – after two weeks

 

He claims that he KNOWS I will never be the one, that it’s done forever. Which, I don’t know how you can predict your feelings in the future

 

He admitted that looking back he treated me like crap, and that he is sorry. And he is going to take these mistakes and apply the lessons learned to future relationships. Ok, so I got to be the ‘guinea pig’ who stuck it out with him for 2.5 years in the name of love, and other girls will get to benefit from it? I asked why he didn’t want to apply these things to make ME happy, and he says it’s because I’m not “the one” anymore.

 

And here’s the next kicker. He said, “you’re still a friend and you know me better than anyone, and I would still like for us to be friends.” Really?!? And he says that he doesn't think his new girl would have a problem with us still talking and hanging out. Ok, first of all, why would he even want to still see and talk to me? Is this just another control tactic, or is he not over me despite what he says?

 

Has anyone had a similar situation? Can you really fall outof love like this and have no reasoning why, other than “I don’t know why, Ijust know.”? Or is this all a big mistake? If he is 100% sure it’s done withme, and he “feels something” with the new girl, why is he all of the sudden adamant 5 weeks post-breakup that we start being friends again? There are just so many answers I need with this situation!!

Edited April 29, 2013 by 123confused321

[stillafool]

More than likely he has been losing interest in you for some time and is just now letting you know. The point is he has told you with his own mouth and words "You are not the one" for him and he has moved on to another girl. You have to move on with your new guy or others. If I were you I would act as if he is dead. His telling you that he still wants to be friends was said to make you feel better and I hope you don't take him up on it because you still love him. If you do take his offer to be friends at this stage you will more than likely end up a FWB while he pursues the other girl for a relationship. Don't let him use you.

[almond]

Reading that was horrible - you deserve to be with someone that loves you as much as you love him. This guy did not.

 

He has clearly stated that he does not want to be with you. He is with another girl. You need to initiate NC immediately and move on, otherwise, you are just going to get yourself hurt even more.

 

It sucks, but he really has made this clear...he is not in love with you anymore, and is moving on. You need to do the same.

 

Also - be fair to this new guy that you are seeing. If it is just a casual thing, then okay, but take care not to string him along knowing that within a second, you'd drop him for your ex, who you appear to be actively pursuing still.

 

Be good to yourself and others.

[Emilia]

He claims that he KNOWS I will never be the one, that it’s done forever. Which, I don’t know how you can predict your feelings in the future

[...]

Has anyone had a similar situation? Can you really fall outof love like this and have no reasoning why, other than “I don’t know why, Ijust know.”? Or is this all a big mistake? If he is 100% sure it’s done withme, and he “feels something” with the new girl, why is he all of the sudden adamant 5 weeks post-breakup that we start being friends again? There are just so many answers I need with this situation!!

 

No great mistery I'm sorry. He isn't interested anymore. Happens every day. I agree with stillafool

[Treasa]

I am 5 weeks out of a 2.5 year relationship with the man whotold me I was “the one.” We met in college, and he told me he loved me after 2months. From that point on, he told me I was “the one,” he’d never felt thisway about anyone before. We talked marriage and future, we were making plans.There was no question --- we were going to get married.

 

 

Throughout our relationship, around the 3 months, though, I noticed some things just ‘weren’t right.’ He would give me the silent treatment, twist my words, everything became MY fault. This pattern of highsand lows would continue throughout the whole relationship. You can view previousposts of mine for specifics, but I just overall got the feeling that in hiseyes, HE was more important than me, and our relationship fell last in his listof priorities. He flat out told me, “I don’t have a ring on this finger, anduntil I do, softball and hunting are top priority and you can fall wherever you fit in.”

 

If I hadn't broken up with him previously over his behavior, this statement would have made me say, "I hope you shoot yourself in the head, *******. Piss off."

 

He's a loser. Don't be his friend. Don't even respond to him. He doesn't exist in your life anymore, and that is a good thing.

[KathyM]

The guy is emotionally abusive. Good riddance to him. Rest assured that his future relationship(s) are going to go bad eventually as well. Time to let this guy go and don't allow yourself to be strung along as a "friend". No good will come from that. You dodged a bullet, you just don't see that yet.

[youngnlove89]

Gosh, what an arrogant SOB. He is mean. You deserve better.

 

I would hate to go through what you went through, I'm sure your heart is just aching right now.

 

I really think you should go NC. Everyone will suggest this to you because he is a tool and you need to move on. He is with someone else now and so are you. You need to move forward, not sideways, not backwards....forward.

 

Another thing, IMO, I think you should be single right now. I know you want to fill that void with someone else, but it isn't smart. Rebounds don't last.

 

Fall in love with you right now. Go full NC, don't give him a reason. Just fall off the face of earth. BLOCK him in every way possible. Think of it as throwing out trash. He is useless to you.

 

Post here. Stay strong. I'm going through it too. 8 days NC for me. Our emotions are in our own power, we determine our own happiness. Remember that.

[Dadremblvin]

Sounds so much like the situation I was in that I had to check to see if I had posted that! I am more than 30 days NC now and I am loving it! Look up Narcissism you will understand what kind of person you were dealing with. I have been in counseling since he left in January, it has helped immensely!