Jingle14 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 As I've bored everyone with for so long, been BU for 22 months and NC for 6 months. His parents live at the end of my street and I have no alternative but to go past whenever I leave my house - there's only one route out/in. Today, I was made redundant (7th time, I've spent 6 weeks on a consultation period) and then had a meeting with a recruitment agency. After a stressful morning, I was glad to escape back home. But whose bloody car should be in the drive at his parents house?! This is the first time I've seen it there all year (he's drastically changed his routine as he was there regularly) but today of all days I really could have done without it. I'd been able to fool myself that he'd vanished off the face of the earth, or maybe had never existed beyond my imagination but now I've been faced with the he does exist and isn't dead and its really knocked me. Since I was told in March that my job was at risk, I've been tempted to contact him - he owns a business locally and will have potential contacts - but I've been firm and haven't been. Its also been his birthday and various anniversaries during this last 2 weeks but I still resisted contact. But today I'm weak again. And I miss the bastard. I actually feel tearful in a way I'm finding hard to surpress for the first time in a while (I always try and bottle it in, refusing to shed tears for a liar who treated me really nastily - and my story is posted on the forum for anyone whoe's interested). Can someone please talk sense to me, or give me a little support please
Author Jingle14 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Had to go out again this afternoon and the damned car - and so him too! - was there again!! That's twice in one day after no sightings all day, and on the very day I'm least able to deal with it.
Author Jingle14 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Not one reply. That's a pretty tough thing to realise that not one person wanted to comment. I don't need a forum to make me feel worse about myself so I'll refrain from posting from now on.
TaraMaiden Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 The car was there. Are you sure he was? he might have left it there if he was going away or something... Why not move?
Author Jingle14 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 The car was there. Are you sure he was? he might have left it there if he was going away or something... Why not move? Yes, he would definitely be there if the car was there - he works locally and often calls in on his parents during the day (they're close and also part of the business). He'd never just leave it there. I would move but for my son. He didn't react well at all to my divorce from his dad (not this man) and I went through a year and a half of utter Hell with him - barely seeing him, he was physically and verbally abusive when I did. I have now repaired my relationship with my son, and he is now back home with me full time, but not to the point where he would agree to move. He needs the stability of home (this is the only home he's known, he's just 12 now) and only started High school - walking distance - in September. Believe me, if it was an option, I'd have been long gone.
TaraMaiden Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I don't mean countries... I mean just the district! So you don't have to be looking at his parents' house every time!! Can't you move but stay local?
Author Jingle14 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I don't mean countries... I mean just the district! So you don't have to be looking at his parents' house every time!! Can't you move but stay local? No, I really can't, not at this delicate stage with my son. I lost my job recently and my son was frantic, crying that we'd lose the house (we won't) and that he didn't want to leave as all the cats are buried in the garden. He was very distressed at even the slightest thought of it. He sees his stability in this house, and I understand that after what he's been through the last 2 and a half years. Even though he's only 12, he's mature for his age and so we can talk about things and I have gently broached the idea of moving several times but he's not ready to even think about it. Ideally, I'd like to move to the coast and, in particular to a place 260 miles away (not far in terms of distance in the US, I know, but here in the UK it is) as I think that would be best for both of us. Maybe in a year or so, he might be prepared to consider that.
TaraMaiden Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 In that case, you need to focus on your son's stability and happoiness, and =- frankly? Get over it. If circumstance means this is what you're stuck with, and this is the choice you've made, then you need to suck it up and not leave your thoughts open to drama. he's just a guy, for goodness' sake, he's not Iron Man, or some kind of world saviour.... There's nothing fatally terminal going on here, and life moves on. Get with the programme, hun. It's time to pick your skirts up and start dancing again, because letting it drag you down this way isn't healthy. So his parents live down the road? So he vsiits? So what? Big deal. He isn't doing any of this to purposely affect you. So don't you do anything to purposely let it affect you, either.
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