rizzla Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 After attending a book club, a common friend of me and my Ex wife approached me and gave me a huge hug. She knows that we are going through the divorce papers and that my ex is already living with another guy after merely two months. She was very touchy and complimenting, saying things like "you are smoking hot, won't have problems getting girls", "you look fabulous" and "we should meet for some drinks". She was even a bit overboard suggesting that I must be good in bed I would consider this as strong flirting signals from any other woman around, but in this case I have second thoughts because maybe she's just trying to lift me up knowing that I'm going through a rough period. She is attractive and known for having many flings around. Is she being supportive through my current misery or is she into something else? Sorry for being so naive, but I've been out of this game for a long time!
adelia Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 She's out on the prowl. If you're looking for just sex then she's the one but if you want to find something meaningful I'd steer clear of her. I mean really does she have no tact? I'd never come on strong like that to a friends ex and certainly not so soon after. I love sex but I also like to use a little class when I'm flirting and not come off desperate
Author rizzla Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 True. She came so strongly that I thought she was trying to overcompensate my depression with some extreme compliments. She follows my ex wife's FB page (I don't) where she posts pics of how quickly she has rebuilt her life. I'm certain about not looking for a relationship right now, but this caught me off guard...
Leigh 87 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I second the above poster... Really, what decent, respectable person (with adequate social skills) would come onto a man in that fashion? It would be acceptable if she were close to a guy - as in, good friends with the guy for a number of years, and since he was single - she could very well make those sort of remarks (that are OKAY if you know a person very well but SO NOT okay if you are not good friends with them!) You know how it is - sometimes, if a man and women are, in fact, "good friends", and special "comments" regarding sex certainly can come up (in those types of friendships). This is all fine. From what a gather though, the women in this scenario was NOT actually all that close to the man she came on to? I know there is no universal policy of what is acceptable or not, when it comes to women (and how they should go about flirting with men they are keen on). The thing is, there are ways that the majority of quality, decent women carry themselves. I would't bother with this women; it is not really classy to mention sex and bein g in bed with a man you are not close to, in your attempt at getting him interested in you. Surely, a women worth knowing would have plenty to say, that would keep you interested enough to want to, you know - have a conversation with her?!?! ANd THEN she would gauge if she thought you could possibly be attracted to her? And suggest coffee or hanging out again? What an interesting women she sounds like, though! I do find it entertaining, the way some women go about things such as this. I will also give you another example of what IS NOT attractive: my bf, before me, had his good friend ring him up and say " hey... this girl ______ is keen to hook up with you, you should come over with some beer" I mean.... Asking someone to come over (or getting your mate to do it for you) for sex is a little tacky. No wonder my boyfriend only considered her as a sex buddy and not relationship material.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I second the above poster... Really, what decent, respectable person (with adequate social skills) would come onto a man in that fashion? It would be acceptable if she were close to a guy - as in, good friends with the guy for a number of years, and since he was single - she could very well make those sort of remarks (that are OKAY if you know a person very well but SO NOT okay if you are not good friends with them!) You know how it is - sometimes, if a man and women are, in fact, "good friends", and special "comments" regarding sex certainly can come up (in those types of friendships). This is all fine. From what a gather though, the women in this scenario was NOT actually all that close to the man she came on to? I know there is no universal policy of what is acceptable or not, when it comes to women (and how they should go about flirting with men they are keen on). The thing is, there are ways that the majority of quality, decent women carry themselves. I would't bother with this women; it is not really classy to mention sex and bein g in bed with a man you are not close to, in your attempt at getting him interested in you. Surely, a women worth knowing would have plenty to say, that would keep you interested enough to want to, you know - have a conversation with her?!?! ANd THEN she would gauge if she thought you could possibly be attracted to her? And suggest coffee or hanging out again? What an interesting women she sounds like, though! I do find it entertaining, the way some women go about things such as this. I will also give you another example of what IS NOT attractive: my bf, before me, had his good friend ring him up and say " hey... this girl ______ is keen to hook up with you, you should come over with some beer" I mean.... Asking someone to come over (or getting your mate to do it for you) for sex is a little tacky. No wonder my boyfriend only considered her as a sex buddy and not relationship material. Agree with the previous two...^^^ And be sure of one thing...You get involved with someone like that just realize she will do this to ANY swinging dick in her path. Be careful with that one!! TFY
carhill Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 She is attractive and known for having many flings around. Is she being supportive through my current misery or is she into something else? Got your attention and lifted your spirits a bit. No harm, no foul. IMO, leave it at that.
Author rizzla Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Sure she lifted my spirit and got me fantasizing for a while. But then again, I got this feeling that she was just trying to be "nice" in an overboard way. I met her briefly yesterday and she gave me another touchy hug, like ten seconds long. I played it cool and didn't give it too much thought. She is usually around in social gatherings and approaches me for short talks, but I'm usually a bit distant and play uninterested.
carhill Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 How 'common' is this friend of your exW? While you were married, what was their dynamic? Let's say, having been married, I came to understand that everything isn't always as it seems. It's well known that one easy way to warp a man's perception is through sex or sexual innuendo. Personally, I'd just leave it alone.
Author rizzla Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 How 'common' is this friend of your exW? While you were married, what was their dynamic? Let's say, having been married, I came to understand that everything isn't always as it seems. It's well known that one easy way to warp a man's perception is through sex or sexual innuendo. Personally, I'd just leave it alone. We were more like acquaintances, meeting twice a year with other people around. My ex wife never really trusted this woman, even when they tried to get along a couple times. I'll try to leave it alone, but it could be a serious ego boost in times of need. However, I don't even know if she's flirting!
MYCluciferase Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 sounds like you want to know if she's really flirting... it makes me want to ask - why is that? I'm in a slightly similar situation - the woman is less overt but a bit huggy, and I'm still married and have no intention of leaving or cheating. It's known that our marriage is struggling a bit and she may have heard this. In my case, I've been pretty down lately, so this 'flirting' if it's real, is an ego boost. If it's not real, it's also sort of an ego boost. I don't really care which, as I've no intention of starting anything with her. I guess that I'm suggesting that you might be interested in her on some level. I guess that this might or might not be good for you, depending on what you need right now.
Author rizzla Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 sounds like you want to know if she's really flirting... it makes me want to ask - why is that? I'm in a slightly similar situation - the woman is less overt but a bit huggy, and I'm still married and have no intention of leaving or cheating. It's known that our marriage is struggling a bit and she may have heard this. In my case, I've been pretty down lately, so this 'flirting' if it's real, is an ego boost. If it's not real, it's also sort of an ego boost. I don't really care which, as I've no intention of starting anything with her. I guess that I'm suggesting that you might be interested in her on some level. I guess that this might or might not be good for you, depending on what you need right now. Well, I'm just not in the best emotional ground to start dating again, but the girl is hot and never short of complimenting me. Yesterday I attended dinner with several friends. She was around and didn't stop hugging me, saying how well dressed I was, etc. I went back home and got a FB message from her: "Are you Ok? I mean, either you're Ok or not, remember I'm here for you. Always" I just answered "Come visit one day". I sincerely lost all clues about dating, but I guess this goes beyond friend zone and the girl really wants me to make a move on her???
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Get her to back off. Whatever is going on here, you're not ready for it. And if she has a bit of a 'reputation' then remember that in essence, you're putting it onto a well-used parking lot. Now, that shouldn't matter, but to some guys, it does. Does that matter to you? if it's ok with you, you still need to give yourself a 'decent and respectable' amount of time to get through stuff. And if she's on your ex's FB page... well, you know how us girls like to gossip..... Put her off now, by discreetly telling her that one of the reasons you're divorcing is because you're gay.... Further down the line you can look at her incredulously and say "Hell, you din't think I was serious, did you?!" 1
Author rizzla Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Get her to back off. Whatever is going on here, you're not ready for it. And if she has a bit of a 'reputation' then remember that in essence, you're putting it onto a well-used parking lot. Now, that shouldn't matter, but to some guys, it does. Does that matter to you? if it's ok with you, you still need to give yourself a 'decent and respectable' amount of time to get through stuff. And if she's on your ex's FB page... well, you know how us girls like to gossip..... Put her off now, by discreetly telling her that one of the reasons you're divorcing is because you're gay.... Further down the line you can look at her incredulously and say "Hell, you din't think I was serious, did you?!" You're right on Tara. I'm simply not ready. Maybe I just need validation and ego boosting, and truth be told it keeps my mind away from painful issues. But the emotional recovery comes up first. It is a shame that it takes oneself months to recover, skipping dating opportunities because of numbness. I was considering a temporary fling with her, and I can tell you my body reacts to her advances, but my mind is off. And I think this is what is keeping her attracted! Weird uh? Thanks for the suggestions to put her off, but I think I'll try a different approach. If female gossip is as extended as you suggest, I may kill my chances for life
Shepp Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 It would be acceptable if she were close to a guy - as in, good friends with the guy for a number of years, and since he was single - she could very well make those sort of remarks (that are OKAY if you know a person very well but SO NOT okay if you are not good friends with them!) You know how it is - sometimes, if a man and women are, in fact, "good friends", and special "comments" regarding sex certainly can come up (in those types of friendships). This is all fine. From what a gather though, the women in this scenario was NOT actually all that close to the man she came on to? Totally agree!! Like I have a friend who'll make comments along those lines but the big difference is although she might be 10% flirty shes 90% joking! Shes messing about. This girl wasn't messing about - you'd be able to tell if she was, trust me you would, she'd make sure you could! Plus shes not close enough to you even to make those kind of jokes if she was joking! Its incredibly desperate! It wouldn't make me want to **** a girl, it'd make me think she needed to get some self respect!!
PogoStick Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You're hurting about the divorce and your ex already living with someone. Take the ego boost and meet for a drink. Have some fun, you're single again! What's wrong with this forum!? 1
Author rizzla Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Mmmh, Pogostick has a point as well... LS sending mixed signals... I'll have to follow my guts then!
ascendotum Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I sincerely lost all clues about dating, but I guess this goes beyond friend zone and the girl really wants me to make a move on her??? From what you have written, I am fairly certain the answer is yes, though she has done a pretty good job of making a move on you. Like PS, I don't see any harm. 1
Author rizzla Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 From what you have written, I am fairly certain the answer is yes, though she has done a pretty good job of making a move on you. Like PS, I don't see any harm. I'm just afraid of reading the wrong signals. I think maybe she's just trying to be supportive, since I was with her when her father passed away. She told me a long ago that I wasn't her type, and now she constantly tells me how cool I look. But messaging me 3 am... Oh well I'm overthinking, but it's a lot better than dipping into bad memories of my divorce...
Eclypse Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 You sound lonely. Some no strings fun could be just the thing you need. You're single with nothing to worry about. Your ex and this woman aren't even actual friends. I say go for it, as long as you don't go into it expecting a LTR ( somehow I'm assuming that's the last thing on your mind after a divorce!) Ps: she's totally into you. Just ask her to come over for drinks and a chat
Woohoo Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Depends on a couple of factors. Age? As women age the amount of attention they get tends to drop, significantly. More so in competitive environments such as cities. If so, she may be aggressive as it is the only way to snatch a man in her situation. Whether for temporary or permanent reasons are irrelevant. Whichever you want you can likely have a strong shot at. If a girl puts you on the spot with flirting etc. look her in the eyes, smile, and ask "oh, so your flirting with me?" with a sly nod. If she backs off embarrassed just mention it and say you were enjoying it, after all "it is all just fun." Of course that flirty middle ground of uncertainty can and should be fun. Use it!
Author rizzla Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 You sound lonely. Some no strings fun could be just the thing you need. You're single with nothing to worry about. Your ex and this woman aren't even actual friends. I say go for it, as long as you don't go into it expecting a LTR ( somehow I'm assuming that's the last thing on your mind after a divorce!) Ps: she's totally into you. Just ask her to come over for drinks and a chat I'm not planning any LTR in a long while. There's a lot to rebuild in here. And yes, I've been quite lonely in the last three months, being away from my hometown and working from home, so any chance to get a nice compliment feels like christmas.
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Well, if a little Christmas is what you hope for, she might oblige and give you the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, she's "hinting" at her interest by commenting about how good you must be in bed? Her best selling point is what your schlong might do to her? Charming! Sometimes easy and available is far far more trouble than it's worth, no matter how much you might want validation or release. Proceed at your own risk.
Maleficent Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 After attending a book club, a common friend of me and my Ex wife approached me and gave me a huge hug. She knows that we are going through the divorce papers and that my ex is already living with another guy after merely two months. She was very touchy and complimenting, saying things like "you are smoking hot, won't have problems getting girls", "you look fabulous" and "we should meet for some drinks". She was even a bit overboard suggesting that I must be good in bed I would consider this as strong flirting signals from any other woman around, but in this case I have second thoughts because maybe she's just trying to lift me up knowing that I'm going through a rough period. She is attractive and known for having many flings around. Is she being supportive through my current misery or is she into something else? Sorry for being so naive, but I've been out of this game for a long time! Dude. She wants you. Go for it.
Estate Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 After attending a book club, a common friend of me and my Ex wife approached me and gave me a huge hug. She knows that we are going through the divorce papers and that my ex is already living with another guy after merely two months. She was very touchy and complimenting, saying things like "you are smoking hot, won't have problems getting girls", "you look fabulous" and "we should meet for some drinks". She was even a bit overboard suggesting that I must be good in bed I would consider this as strong flirting signals from any other woman around, but in this case I have second thoughts because maybe she's just trying to lift me up knowing that I'm going through a rough period. She is attractive and known for having many flings around. Is she being supportive through my current misery or is she into something else? Sorry for being so naive, but I've been out of this game for a long time! Is that you Bob?
Author rizzla Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Risky business is better than no business at all. And we're talking about a gorgeous woman. Sure she could be more nuanced... I don't like her straightfordwarness at all. But I'm so aloof these days that they'll have to write it on the wall for me. Not that I justify her behaviour, I don't dig that kind of personalities usually. Usually... I'm beyond naive uh Estate? I'm still numb I guess.
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