getting played

[Skipper888]

Hi guys, i'm kind of at a crossroads of what to do. Ill give a little background information on my relationship.

 

My gf and i broke up about 3 months ago basically because she was unhappy. unhappy being in a relationship i assume, she is 22 and im 26 and we had a long distance relationship and basically saw each other on weekends while her friends were all out having fun clubbing, camping and basically enjoying living being a 22 yr old. She said she had feelings for another guy that she worked with and felt confused because she wanted a normal relationship that she could come home to every night etc. basically she was a very confused girl.

 

Anyway we tried no contact but we both failed she would text me randomly saying she misses me and i ofcourse acted desperate and shattered and did all those desperate things. So we decided to see eachother for a weekend away at Easter which was about a month ago. It was amazing and we both acted like nothing had happened between us, we were cuddling every 2 seconds holding hands kissing just like a normal couple. We were in the spa, naked just like nothing had happened.

 

Anyways we both went back to work and all that was on my mind was has she been hooking up with guys and what not. She said she had been hanging out with that guy but realised that its not me and hence why she suggested to hang out to see how she felt. I thought we were being honest so i told her that a girl had been texting me and i had been replying basically cause i was lonely.

 

Anyway she cut sick and hung up on me and said she doesnt want me and that we should end it again all the while crying on the other end. This ended for about 3 hours. She texted asking why is this so hard. I then woke up to 5 missed calls etc. She then went out the next night clubbing and was texting me all night and saying she loves me and misses me and again had missed calls all night.

 

We then havent stopped talking since (about 3 weeks ago). She came over to see her sister ( who i am living with) and mother 2 weeks ago. Once again we picked up straight where we left off. She was actually more 'loving' kissing me passionately, cuddling every second, holding my hands, all in front of her family who no what has been happening between us. ( she was worried about how they would react and feel about it all).

 

This is where my problem happens. The monday, tuesday, wednesday were fine we were texting eachother all day and sending each other love hearts etc and was liek we were finally getting back together but then she became a bit distant and ignored my text msg and i ofcourse after a few hours was saying im sorry if i said something wrong etc.

 

She had made plans to go camping with her friends for the long weekend and go out with her friends (both guys and girls who she works with) at a place which is pretty much a single party place full of backpackers etc.

 

Anyway i was trying to act like it wasnt affecting me but i kind of was just the thought of her being with someone or going out and flirting with guys just hurt because we just spent a weekend together that was a amazing.

 

I cut conversation with her on the thursday when she left mainly cause i didnt want to hear about her weekend of fun. This weekend she is going to a music festival and i hear ( from phone conversation we had about an hr ago) she is sharing a room with 3 other guys.

 

Just hurts to hear all that and makes me feel like im getting played. After all she left me cause she had feelings for some guy she worked with plus missed going out with her friends which she does every weekend... probably with the guy she left me for per-say.

 

Just i dont know what to do. I cant go no contact cause she knows when something is wrong and i might just be over reacting. but on the other hand she seems to be having the time of her life with her friends and possibly some guy. I just dont know how she puts so much time into me ( texting every day, although takes her a while to reply sometimes but might be cause she is busy) yet doesnt want to get back together with me. I try and be flirty and get no response most the time and she knows that im not moving on because i show her that i still care etc. She asked me what im doing the weekend after that we could hang out if we arnt doing anything but i really dont know what happening. I cant get over the thought that im getting played or something. I'm sick of feeling like im her 2nd choice and that if something better comes up she will choose them. I try talking to her about it but she shrugs it off. Plus im trying not to bring it up and trying to show that i dont care but clearly i do and it shows.

 

I really dont know whats going on and im sure no one else does i just wanted some advice and to get my thoughts out sorry about the length.

[Skipper888]

for example she sent this to me this morning

 

Sorry baby i fell asleep last night, how are you going this morning? how is your day? are u still in xxxx (place where i live)? (love heart emotion) (kiss emotion)

 

i ignored this for about an hour then got another msg

 

I hope you are okay babe xx

[grace777]

Well it's obvious that she cares about you too. However, she wants the single life and that's why you feel that you're getting played.

 

There are complications in that you live with her sister. If I were you, I'd try to get out of that situation. It's going to be nearly impossible for you to move on otherwise. And that's what you have to do...move on.

 

You want two different things at this point in your lives. Like I said, it's obvious you both care deeply. However it will not work because of the different paths your lives are taking.

 

I do not think you need to try and act any way that is false. You love her. Let her know that. No games. But you need to get clear on what you want and then have a discussion with her. It seems to me that you'll have to part ways - at least for a couple of years until she gets the party mode out of her system.

 

Those are my two cents. I'm sorry you are hurting. This site is a great place to connect with others that are going through similar situations. Keep posting.

[Skipper888]

thankyou for your reply. Yeah i agree with the living situation, it was only meant to be temporary but then everything happened and i had no where to go literally, moved 14 hours away from family and friends.

 

Yeah i agree with her wanting different things, just i dont see why she wants to hold on to me.

 

I want her to just say she doesnt want me and ill be gone like that, but when she keeps coming back its obvious that she doesnt really want to let me go. But its also obvious she doesnt want to commit to me.

 

Last week she kept saying in her texts about making plans, ie, i wish u would take me here... and 'Oh i want to hang out with you babe' ...

 

and i also cant be mad at her as she had planned these two weekends a while ago. She thought i was going to this music festival but im not and she said we could of hung out and stuff.

 

ARGHH i just dont know what to do.....

[cavalier99]

Uggh i felt sick reading about your situation. Have been in simialar.

 

All i can say is NC and breaking up is LOT LESS painful that what your going to go thru with this girl.

 

She loves you some and wont give you up and will be with you but she loves more what she is doing now including dating and probably (definitly) f*king other guys. She might even have another BF now and you!,

 

The misery of a BU pales in comparison to being strung along like this..it can go on forever.perpetual pain and (some pleasure) like being condemned to purgatory.

 

Id say ESCAPE NOW! Can you? Sooo hard. Cav

 

 

PS i learned the hard way. I will NEVER let myself be in a similar situation NEVER. I cant even explain the misery of that life with that girl but i couldnt let go: You need to BU completly and heal from this thing if you want to stay sane and maintain your self respect.

Edited April 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[Skipper888]

I really dont know. I really can't imagine her leading me on or being a 'slut'. It took her guts to break up with me in the first place, and thats what i mean i dont know how she can put so much time into me if she is just f*cking me around.

 

She msged last week upset cause she had a bad dream that i slept with my ex gf.

 

I know she is out having fun and i need to do that too, i want to be my old confident self again that didnt give a **** about anything only about being happy. Seems i just cant move on and neither can she or she might already have and not telling me.

 

I cant confront her about it either cause im trying not to care. She always thought i wouldnt allow her to go out with friends, which wasnt the case i just got upset cause i knewnshe was pushing me away.

 

im so confused

[cavalier99]

Dude the old relationship is over. She isnt necesarily a slut. But what will happen is exactly what i said. She will meet some other guy. Mayby doesnt measure up to you or isnt as into her as you are. She dates him some because he is there. Comes back to you when she need support ecetera may even treat you like a BF.

 

some girls are very capable of this. She doent need to be a slut to be hooking up on occasion or even just be seeing 1 other guy along with you. And the f*cked up part is they can be 100 percent loving with you while with you but then they are off living their other life. She will share the detail with you that she thinks will hurt you the least but it is obvious what is going on.

 

how do you feel about this right now? Can you handle another 6 month to a year of this? These things end badly. I take that back ..they dont end and it is just a miserable existence. She loves you but not enough to change what she is doing. Man up and end it completly. Trust me you desever a lot better.

 

Your entire life will suffer with this thing if you keep going.

Edited April 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[Skipper888]

Yeah i totally understand what you are saying and to an extent agree. She aint sleeping with me so she has to be with someone.

 

She said she wants to take things slow if we were going to get back together.

 

But yeah all i can think about is what you are saying. I cant take another week/2 weeks let alone 6 months.

 

I cant trust her and she isnt doing anything to earn my trust again. She did tell me she is sharing a room with 3 guys like wtf who would tell there ex bf that?? Its like she is after a reaction.

[cavalier99]

Sorry man there is only 1 solution. Tell her you cant do this anymore. Go HARD HARD core NC and start to heal.

 

This one will chase you some so it will be really tough to get away. She wont want to let you go completly. You need to block her and be super firm and not cave. She will cry she may even come running back to you for a bit. Resist like your life depends on it. Sorry man. Cav

Edited April 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[Skipper888]

bit of an update..

 

She kissed some random dude on her birthday night out clubbing.

 

I asked her today if she has kissed anyone and she said yes. Then went on to say how she was confused with her life and wanted to do something reckless and stupid.

 

'it was a drunken hook up and i havent spoken to him since.'

 

she asked how i felt about it and i said, 'don't know, hurt, betrayed like i mean little to u'

 

then shes like ' it snot a relflection of what you meant to me. i was lost at the time and i still am. i feel sick and i feel sorry for not telling you sooner and i feel slighty mad that i have to explain myself.'

 

then ' im guessing you probably dont want to talk to me anymore so i just want to say that im sorry for everything and i never meant to hurt you'

 

then i went on to say fair enough, u dont have to explain it to me it was when we weren't seeing each other after we broke up.

 

then she asked what are our options.

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Skip,

 

How do know when she's lying to you? SHE'S TALKING!

 

Cav is completely right. Hardcore NC! Do not listen to anything else she tells you! Total LIES. You are being strung along.

 

Guess what she was doing when: "sorry babe, fell asleep"?????

 

NO CONTACT! Walk away from this and start to heal yourself man!

[Skipper888]

yeah you guys are all right i need to do this for myself im sick of being miserable....

 

She left me she has the chance to come back doesnt want to nothing i can do.. her loss...

 

how do u find the strength to let something is important go and not think about regret?