AmeliePoulain Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 My boyfriend and I (me 27, him 29) have been together for almost 10 months which I think is still very early on in the relationship since we both see each other in the long term. We are taking our first trip together, but it will be with his family since it will be for his grandmother's memorial, and this will not be until September. He is currently looking to buy a home to live in for a few years and plans to sell it as he is not looking to buy his dream home just yet. He and his family are all in Real Estate so I can see why he wants to do this. He has mentioned several times very lightly of things such as, "one day when we live together." While that is awesome to hear, I have told him in the beginning a couple times that that I wouldn't live with a boyfriend (I love living by myself and my independence/close proximity to work) unless I were engaged/married. I didn't say "when I marry HIM," it was a general comment. Since he knows that, I wonder why he keeps referencing us living together. Is it that to him he'd rather live together and see if that works first? I don't feel comfortable taking that step until I have a more solid commitment to make such a big change. He has never pressured me into moving him, has only brought it up delicately and just for a quick moment, but we've never expanded on it. I don't expand on those thoughts because I don't want to keep bringing up how I'd rather be engaged first, as I don't want to make any ultimatums and we havent even discussed the topic of marriage. I know it's something to discuss with him, but I don't like the idea of my being the first one to bring up marriage as it's still early on. So if he knows that I'd prefer a solid commitment first, why does he keep referencing moving in and not a step towards engagement/marriage first?
clia Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Since he knows that, I wonder why he keeps referencing us living together. Are you sure he isn't talking about living together once you are married? I don't feel comfortable taking that step until I have a more solid commitment to make such a big change. He has never pressured me into moving him, has only brought it up delicately and just for a quick moment, but we've never expanded on it. I don't expand on those thoughts because I don't want to keep bringing up how I'd rather be engaged first, as I don't want to make any ultimatums and we havent even discussed the topic of marriage. Then just don't move in with him until you are ready. Don't worry about what he says. It's talk, talk, talk. Until he asks you to move in with him, it's nothing. I know it's something to discuss with him, but I don't like the idea of my being the first one to bring up marriage as it's still early on. So if he knows that I'd prefer a solid commitment first, why does he keep referencing moving in and not a step towards engagement/marriage first? Who knows? Don't worry about it. When the time is right, and if he asks you to live with him without getting engaged or married, you can tell him how you feel. He can't force you to move in with him. I actually think you might be overthinking things. I also think it's a little strange that he is looking to buy a house right now, given that you have already been together ten months. Another two to eight months or so wouldn't be outrageous to get engaged. Is he including you in the house buying process? Because if he doesn't see you living in this house, you could have a long wait ahead of you...
Author AmeliePoulain Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Thank you guys for responding I do think it's just talk so far and so perhaps I am over-analyzing it. He seems to be more the one that brings it up and I usually just think it's sweet he mentions it even though we don't have a full-on discussion about it. As for him buying the house, he was looking for a place before he even met me as he plans to buy a place and sell it to make money which is what both his parents do. He doesn't plan to buy his actual dream home until later in life. He said that when he gets a place, he plans to live there for a few years and hopes I would live with him. Of course, it's a home he will purchase under his name and then sell it. He said I would not have to pay any rent if I lived with him as long as I contributed with food and what not. But that's about it, it didn't go any further than that. The important thing is that he knows I've already said I'd need a commitment, so I guess him just bringing up moving in is nice and all, but it really doesn't mean anything until he talks about actual marriage and then a possibility of living together.
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