Shereegarcia Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Hello, My name is Sheree, I have been questioning my husbands relationship with his ex and I really need some input.I hope I'm wrong but you tell me, I started dating my husband when he was supposedly broken up with his ex. they still had a checking account together ect. He wanted me to go into his account to see what his balance was when I discovered there were 2 dodger tickets purchased when we were seeing each other and suspicious dinner charges on valentines day. There were other charges on the statement from her buying clothes at a mans store for another guy so my husband says. This made him furious and I don't know what happened with them after that. I just know he was pissed. My husband was living with this girl, 8 yrs younger than him for 2 yrs.they had a baby, she has down syndrome. We got married and for the first 2 years of our marriage My husband said she left him and the baby. we had dated for 2 years before we got married so I took The mommy role from the get go 7 days a week. about 3 yrs. ago his ex, The real mom came back in the picture, wanting to have there daughter on the weekends only, As she has four kids by different fathers and her hands were full, one child was from a man that was married. My husband was bitter and angry at her and always talked bad about her, I told him he needed to forgive her for himself so we can work together with visitation. She is a very sweet girl, we hit it off right away. Well I don't know if that was the right thing to do. I watch his daughter 5 days a week, and its not easy because she's special needs. I had a singing engagement one night for a Christmas party and I told my husband I need him or her mother to watch her. He called her when I was there, She said NO WAY I GOT PLANS, I was FURIOUS and text her saying look, This is not my responsibility but you're guy's I never go anywhere because I watch your daughter, she text my husband crying to him, He lashed out at me yelling that I shouldn't have done that. They talk six days a week, I know that because I check his text messages because of some trust issues. they talk more than he and I do.and for long periods of time.....when he gets in the car to go to work and at work, when I asked him about this he says he is talking to her strictly about his daughter. I have a problem with that answer, 1st Because I watch her all week and he NEVER calls to ask how she is when he's working. 2nd because He NEVER seems interested in what is going on with his daughter. Even the good stuff. Why would he call his ex 6 days a week only when he goes to work and on weekends when she has her and talk for 30 or 45 min. ? She calls him equally as much (in the car).....She is very sweet to me but if she already has a baby by a married man why wouldn't she keep something going with my husband ? Before our anniversary one night get away at a hotel and dinner last week we had a big fight about this. we exchanged harsh words, I told him, that's why she left you because you are a looser !..... The night of our Anniversary he was very cold and distant, we both apologized for our words and made up, still I knew he was bothered. the next day he ask me if she really told me that and it bothered him all day, he then proceeded to tell me the whole breakup story. I asked why do you care so much ? Thanks for listening please tell me what you think. Thanks, Sheree
2sure Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Oh you can't live like this. Put a voice activated recorder in his car. 5
skywriter Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Hi Sheree, From your post, you have reason to question your husbands relationship with his ex. The old saying, "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing", comes to mind. The two of them talking six days a week, more than the two of you, sends alarm bells to my head. Discussions about their daughter should includeyou, the primary caregiver, and his wife, not the two of them exclusively, after he's left for work. It looks bad, from this view. 4
Spark1111 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 WHY are you watching his child with another woman? The MOTHER should be raising that child, no? Get the voice activated recorder and find out what they ARE really talking about. This whole situation is a lose-lose for you, one that keeps you confined raising a child not your own, especially if he is cheating on you with her which seems plausible. 4
Confused48 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 You need to think about what you want with respect to that child. If you think of her fondly and want to continue your relationship with her you should make it legal. You could lose her to her father or mother at any moment. I'm not assuming that you care but if you do then take action. You are in a volatile situation where the father or mother or both could act vindictively and you and the child would be separated forever. 2
Leigh 87 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 It is really disturbing and morally wrong of this man to get YOU to be the main carer to his special needs child. Even more screwed up, is the fact: he talks to this child's MOTHER more than he talks to YOU, when YOUR at home looking after THEIR daughter:sick: This arrangement is seriously wrong. If your looking after a mans child, he should be incredibly gracious and loving towards you. I find it totally disgusting how he talks to another women more than he talks to YOU. It DOES NOT MATTER what the situation is. It is NEVER acceptable for a man to put you second to another women; and yes, talking to you LESS than he talks to her is his way of clearly putting you second. Even if they had 10 kids together, it SHOULD NOT mean that he talks to another women more than he talks to you. A 15 minute call every two days with the women should suffice, until the kids are older, in which case the father would talk to the children only (having no contact with the mother). You need to leave this man, and possibly consider filing for adoption if he is really a dead beat dad. And although this lady may be "sweet" she is clearly an imbecile, to get pregnant by FOUR different men!!!!!! Let him go and get together with this chick, who has 4 different children to different fathers:sick: Your SO much better than that! You sound like a person who would not cheat or lie, yes? You sound like you do not go getting pregnant by different men, right? You are worthy of a man who only talks to YOU - other women should be no more than occasional lunch dates, when he catches up with them every now and again. NO man who really loves a girl, would talk to his one particular female friend he has, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Come ON women. Wake up! 2
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Your husband is, at least, very emotionally invested in his ex. Not good. He may or maybe having a physical affair, but that's not as important as his lack of attention, respect for you. He takes his ex's side at your expense. You are between two very selfish people and they feed off each other at your expense. But you don't have to continue with this. As sad as it may be, you, alone, are not responsible for your husband's daughter. If you get out, and I'm not advocating the dissolution of your marriage w/o a trial period of well established expectations, counseling, you will be "free" from drama and easier for you to move on. I will be painful, but not as painful as the continued hardship you will experience if things do not change. Frankly, I don't believe they will. These two are content with the dysfunctional relationships they have and you help them by relieving them of the most important responsibility (and most inconvenient for them), a precious child with downs. Good luck. 2
Author Shereegarcia Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that took the time to answer my long question ......You encouraged me when I really needed to talk. You all had very encouraging things to say. I will take into concideration your advice, first and foremost getting that recorder for his car. Kinda funny that after I confronted him about them talking everyday He hasen't used his cell to call her and she hasen't called either...hummmm Kinda weird.... Thanks again , Sheree
dreamingoftigers Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that took the time to answer my long question ......You encouraged me when I really needed to talk. You all had very encouraging things to say. I will take into concideration your advice, first and foremost getting that recorder for his car. Kinda funny that after I confronted him about them talking everyday He hasen't used his cell to call her and she hasen't called either...hummmm Kinda weird.... Thanks again , Sheree Guess who got themselves an affair phone? I'll give you a hint.... It wasn't me. 3
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