CorridorE Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) So I've actually lost track of how long I've been in NC, he picked up his things from my house Easter weekend and we spoke briefly sometime after that, but I've been doing a really good job of healing and rarely even think about him anymore. Well, today something happened and it seems silly even to me, but it's still bothering me. I was on a friend's fb page, and I saw a bunch of photos he uploaded about 3 hours ago... and he's wearing clothes that I made or bought for him as gifts in every one of them. Now he has a new gf, has for about a month, but he still wears those clothes everywhere he goes? Even the tie-dye shirt I made him for his bday 3 years ago... I know it doesn't mean anything, and I guess that's why it hurts. He doesn't seem to relate the things I put so much thought into getting for him to me at all, like they're just clothes with absolutely no memories attached to them. I gave back all the jewlery he ever gave me when he came to get his things and donated the clothes he bought me because I couldn't take looking at them. Why would he still wear my things? Unless it's just what I said, they're just clothes and he doesn't care at all. Also, one of the pics was from inside of his barrack where I see the personalized blanket I bought him for Christmas this past year is still on his bed. When I got it for him, I also bought myself one, only mine has a horse on it and his was an eagle, and for a while I could barely even use that because it reminded me of his. I'm just suprised I he still sleeps with it every night. Anyway thanks for listening to me get that out. I feel better. Edited April 29, 2013 by CorridorE
fiftyofsomethin Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Ahh yes. The "he/she doesn't even care anymore" stage. I am still in this actually, so I won't pretend to be some all-knowing relationship monk. However, in my experience when an ex just seems to be so happy and completely without remorse or regret about the breakup or when they just seem to have forgot that it even happened, it's just best to find something or someONE else to get interested in. Think about it, if you have ever had a relationship before this one, you know this to be true. If you loved your most recent ex, you will have forgotten about your ex before them. And also, your last ex would not have been able to "get over" you if they didn't have something or someone else in their life to keep them occupied and interested. I put "get over" in quotes because many times, they actually aren't entirely over you, they just make a great job of making it seem that way. I hope that you find some outlet for your feelings! WE CAN DO THIS! Now let's go kick this breakup's ass, save the world, and stop world hunger. Piece of cake, no? 1
TearyEyedPride Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Aww. It'll be ok. He might really just see them as useful pieces of clothing and things he uses with no emotional attachment. Don't stress it though, just a minor emotional moment. You'll bounce back in no time though. Hugs.
aisuru Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Coming from my very sentimental point, maybe he likes these things because he remembers good things about you. It's had for you because you automatically think he hates you so should hate anything related to you. But that's just not how it is. He wearing those clothes doesn't mean that he desperately wants you back. Just acknowledges that you had a place in his life at one time and that's okay, ya know?
iouaname Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Apparently my ex uses a shirt that I bought for him with my university name on it to work out in, and he has a collection of items that I gave him for his birthday on a shelf in his living room. I don't necessarily believe that it means that there's no meaning in those things for him, but when he uses them or sees them, it doesn't trigger an emotional reaction in him. He doesn't associate those things with me and with missing me - so, that's just what it is. It's not quite the same for me - I have to remove all of the things that remind me of him. It's just what I have to do, we think differently. Try not to read too much into what it means, because everyone has their own way of dealing with these sorts of things.
AKisBaked Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I still wear all the clothes my ex bought me. There nice brands. I don't really think about her when I wear them but I know that she bought them for me. I mean i gave away some shirts that i havent worn in a long time that she also bought for me. I can see it as a good gesture and she cared when we went out when she decided to buy me clothes. I too bought her clothes and she wore them "occasionally" but if she still wears them until this day then I guess she can appreciate for what I did for her. I think he may just be wearing it because he really thinks its useful piece of clothing to him.
Author CorridorE Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 Thank you all for listening. Part of me hates him, but at the same time I guess it's kind of nice that he feels comfortable wearing them... and even if they don't trigger emotions, atleast there aren't bad memories attached to them... I don't want to be forgotten, but I know I just need to focus on now letting myself care what he does and moving on.
RogerWallace111 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I feel ya. I'd been broken up with my ex for 4 months, ran into her, she broke down begging me to give her another chance. We end up back at her place that night, head straight for the bedroom, and I'll be damned if probably the most sentimentally valuable item I'd given her, a certain ring, wasn't sitting right there on her nightstand. With a lone lamp & the book she was reading at the moment. I found it peculiar, as I'm the type who immediately boxed-up and stored away all relics of our relationship. I remember feeling a little hurt that she could have such blatant reminders of me around, but be able to handle it and still resist calling me. 7 months after our subsequent and final breakup, I can basically guarantee she's still eating out of dishware we got together, at least occasionally wearing clothes/jewelry I bought her, and has likely kept photos and letters at a drawer-pull. It's striking me now, though, that considering the type of person she is, it makes sense. And I can respect that style in a way. She's definitely a sensitive person in a lot of ways, but she's not the superstitious, dreamer type that I am.
RogerWallace111 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) But yeah, like you said, it's kind of a nice thing. And probably indicates a level of emotional security. If one doesn't have to avoid/supress all memories of past lovers, and can deal with it all level-headedly, more power to em. I mean, the simple fact is it all happened- why try to forget if you can stand not to ? In fact, as acceptant of reality as I've been lately, and as happy with life as I am, I could probably have that stuff back around. But I'm not gonna test it Edited May 1, 2013 by RogerWallace111
bob the brave Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 holy *@!&. I can feel your pain, just reading. But sounds like you are coping well. Hang in there. I am a guy, so I know guys and I think the clothes are either one of two things: 1) you are right. They have no sentimental value to him at all. 2) Might be a faint trophie. Some guys, but mostly players, like to keep souveniors not at mementos but and as trophies for their egos. Either way you are lucky to be free of him and now able to find someone who can truly appreciate your heart. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 holy *@!&. I can feel your pain, just reading. But sounds like you are coping well. Hang in there. I am a guy, so I know guys and I think the clothes are either one of two things: 1) you are right. They have no sentimental value to him at all. 2) Might be a faint trophie. Some guys, but mostly players, like to keep souveniors not at mementos but and as trophies for their egos. Either way you are lucky to be free of him and now able to find someone who can truly appreciate your heart. Trophy might be a strong word, depending on the specific case, but yeah. And not necessarily as an ego booster in some vain or conceited way. Having items around that women have given you can kind of just... remind you you're a man, and one who's attractive to women. Some girl who I had back at my house a few months ago left a little post-it on which she'd written my name in nice female handwriting with a little heart next to it. She wasn't my "type" and I wasn't gonna keep seeing her, but I left the note sitting on my dresser until tossing it recently... I didn't leave it there thinking "damn I'm badass for f*cking that chick", it was just a nice reminder that I'm desirable during the weeks I was strictly lone wolfin' it.
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