asaahi Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Okay so pretty much we became a couple last September and broke up at the end of this March. We're both in our mid 20's and were deeply in love. We'd talk about getting engaged, moving in together, our future and all that jazz. She told me that she's only told one other guy she loved him in the past, and that she's never felt about a man like she did about me. Unfortunately we fought a lot and the relationship ended because of my jealousy/control issues. She said she still loved me but didn't feel close to me for the past month or two; also she said she held a lot of anger towards me because of how I was with her. She wanted space. I started seeing a therapist and have been making great progress on my issues. Her final thoughts were that she'd possibly date me in the future but not right now. My only question is that if she's moving on and over it, why won't she give me a copy of our pictures (from New Years, daytrips, events, etc.)? I even said she could just give me the ones she's not in. I've asked her a few times since we've broken up, but she just stays silent. Am I missing something about the female psychology?
Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Why do you feel you need these pictures in the first place? And do you think that having them around would really help you in the process of moving on? You say your control issues played a role in the breakup, you say she needed space. Well, demanding these pictures from her is a) controlling and b) violating her space. If she's set on moving on, she doesn't want to backtrack by sorting through old photos and then having to hand them off to you in some way. Despite what your true intent is with these photos, your request could be read as a transparent attempt to reinsert yourself in her life.
Author asaahi Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks for the response! Yeah I understand how this can be taken by her as an attempt to get back in her life. Really I'd just like some closure, as I would do the same for her. The reason I'd like the photos is because they are good memories, plus she's already told me she looks through them every now and then. So why not just send me the few I asked for. I'd leave her alone after that I'm curious because I feel like it's her way of holding onto me and keeping me around. Either way, I let it go and haven't contacted her in a few weeks nor do I plan on it. Really I just want to try and understand this move on her part. Is it out of spite, or is she holding on? I'm not going to keep hope alive as I know I'd just be holding my breath in vain. Just wish I had some answers.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Same reason my ex didn't give me the frisbee golf discs that she said she was going to give me right before we broke -- because she doesn't want to have any interaction with you right now. She thinks you are using it as an excuse to control and get her back right now, especially considering that your jealousy and control issues are why the relationship died in the first place.
Am4Real Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Who knows? My guess is she already thinks your jealous and controlling and asking for the photos is another way of you controlling her memories. Is she objects to your control issues like you say, then not giving you the photos allow her to control you. She is simply getting back at you. Let her have her game and leaver her alone, giving her the "space" she asked for.
Cogee Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I asked my ex to return my things and she still has not after 3 months. I have some pictures from a trip we took that I never got around to giving her and she never requested them from me, but if she did I would not send it to her. Why? Because we are broken up and owe nothing to each other. I would need to have several years pass before I'd even consider sending them to her.
AKisBaked Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I think when you break up and your not living with each other then the items that you gave to your ex to borrow or what not is long gone. Forget about it. Its not worth getting back UNLESS its something you cherished on for your LIFE, or a huge loan of money. Other than that, forget about it. It's just an excuse to see your ex. I lent my ex money which was $260, I wanted it back,but I thought about it. What's the point? It will save me time in seeing her face, and I know tension between me and her. SO i would say if its little things. It's pointless. Just forget about it and focus on getting better instead of trying to get back petty little things so you can see your ex. It's not worth more heart ache.
todreaminblue Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Okay so pretty much we became a couple last September and broke up at the end of this March. We're both in our mid 20's and were deeply in love. We'd talk about getting engaged, moving in together, our future and all that jazz. She told me that she's only told one other guy she loved him in the past, and that she's never felt about a man like she did about me. Unfortunately we fought a lot and the relationship ended because of my jealousy/control issues. She said she still loved me but didn't feel close to me for the past month or two; also she said she held a lot of anger towards me because of how I was with her. She wanted space. I started seeing a therapist and have been making great progress on my issues. Her final thoughts were that she'd possibly date me in the future but not right now. My only question is that if she's moving on and over it, why won't she give me a copy of our pictures (from New Years, daytrips, events, etc.)? I even said she could just give me the ones she's not in. I've asked her a few times since we've broken up, but she just stays silent. Am I missing something about the female psychology? no you are not missing something about female psychology....she just doesnt want you to have the pictures of her in them......deb
CC12 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I'm curious because I feel like it's her way of holding onto me and keeping me around. I think if you stop and consider your reasoning here, you'll see that it doesn't make much sense. How would she keep you around by not giving you some pictures you asked for? She's not dangling them in front of your face like a carrot. She never agreed to give them to you. And she's not even speaking to you anymore, right? There doesn't seem to be much evidence that she's trying to hold on to you. I think this may be just wishful thinking on your part. As for why she won't send them to you? It could be out of spite. Or just general apathy. From your previous thread, you two have had some issues in the past regarding old photos. So with that plus your control issues, if I were her, I'd be really suspicious of your intentions. And more than a little annoyed that you're yet again making an issue out of old photos. That's probably a sore spot for her. In any case, it doesn't matter why she hasn't given you the photos. Your life is not going to be improved by possessing them. They are not going to give you closure. You're looking for some sort of meaning to the photos, but really, all that happened was that you asked her for a favor and she basically said no. Not a big deal and there's nothing wrong with her saying no. Just accept her "No" and be done.
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