sunshine6 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 This is triggered from reading another thread and feeling co-dependent myself. Not sure if I'm even posting in the right place, but I guess it could apply here as well as anywhere. How do you break free from codependence? For those that used to be co-dependent, what changed? How did you become okay with not needing a significant other?
Praying4Peace Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I wish I had an answer for you. The end of my A and my separation/divorce are bringing out the codependent in me
Goodbye Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I don't know...I'd love that answer! I was actually quite happy without a relationship for a while after separating from my H. But when the current situation evolved, the co-dependence came back with all it's might. I'm trying to combat this by staying focused on things I can do for myself and finding new ways to occupy myself which do not involve others. Wish I could say therapy helps..
Emjem Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I wish I knew the answer. I bet it was from my thread that u read it! My plan of attack is to start focusing on myself. I'm going to start filling my time with going on walks, doing things that interest me... And when I reach for the phone to see if he has texted me I stop & ask myself what is it that makes me think I need to hear from him, why would it change my mood or perk me up? Why can't I be in that great mood without hearing from him. Why aren't I busy doing things for me, instead of looking for attention from someone else. I'm so messed up at times I think I'll never be content on my own - but I'm determined to try. 3
ViresSanctity Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 This is triggered from reading another thread and feeling co-dependent myself. Not sure if I'm even posting in the right place, but I guess it could apply here as well as anywhere. How do you break free from codependence? For those that used to be co-dependent, what changed? How did you become okay with not needing a significant other? You were never co-dependent on that person. The chemicals in your body are just tricking you into thinking you need that person. You're not going to die without that person. The only things you are dependent on are food, water and air. I find relationship addiction is easier to break off than cigarettes and alcohol. For one thing, you can find cigarettes and alcohol just about anywhere.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I think codependence is a symptom of self neglect on a level which one probably should seek professional help to understand. There are even 12 step meetings for that and forums for help detaching and building an independent identity.
skywriter Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 This is triggered from reading another thread and feeling co-dependent myself. Not sure if I'm even posting in the right place, but I guess it could apply here as well as anywhere. How do you break free from codependence? For those that used to be co-dependent, what changed? How did you become okay with not needing a significant other? I think the answer would be to simply not have a significant other. Just have only yourself to depend upon. I believe that I was once dependent upon my exH. We were together from the age of 19 yrs old until I was 37 yrs old. He left me and it was probably the worst experience of my life. I overcame it and realised that in some ways he did me a favor. It took me a good five years to realise this, and I became very independent, to the point of never wanting to be in the position of relying on another person for anything . I am in a relationship with a single man and it feels better than any realtionship I've ever had. We don't depend on each other , we just enjoy what one another brings to the table, and that is refreshing.
MissBee Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) This is triggered from reading another thread and feeling co-dependent myself. Not sure if I'm even posting in the right place, but I guess it could apply here as well as anywhere. How do you break free from codependence? For those that used to be co-dependent, what changed? How did you become okay with not needing a significant other? I don't think codependence is merely a feeling of wanting a significant other. It's an entire psychological way of being. You may or may not be codependent, but based on how you're defining it, maybe it isn't what you mean. Therapy for Codependency, Therapist for Codependency Codependency is a personality style characterized by passivity, feelings of low self-worth, and a need to constantly “help” others, especially one’s primary partner, and especially a person addicted to alcohol or drugs. Codependent people usually put aside their own needs in order to try to meet the needs of another person or other people. Although they may report how much they dislike this role, they are actually gaining a sense of importance, relieving loneliness, and/or avoiding working on their own issues and needs. On the other hand, some codependent people will report that they enjoy their role, but in fact are chronically unhappy, anxious, or addicted to drugs or alcohol themselves. It is difficult for people who are genuinely codependents to break free from it permanently as usually they come from dysfunctional families and often had codependent relationships with a parent as well, so that type of relating in relationships has become normal for them. It usually takes some professional help to address issues of codependence. It is not however, the same as "wanting a significant other." It is not healthy to be unable to be without a romantic relationship, but it doesn't mean you are codependent. Codependence shows up more in how you act while in relationships and is reflected in the type of people you choose to be in relationships with, addicts or other people with issues you feel like you're "helping" them with. Edited April 29, 2013 by MissBee
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