sunshine6 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends?
Silly_Girl Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? Yes! It's a lot of fun and many guys do it. Do you see it as an issue? If so, why?
Author sunshine6 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Yes! It's a lot of fun and many guys do it. Do you see it as an issue? If so, why? Our marriage is not in a good place, so yes I see it as an issue. There's a lot more to it. I just wanted to hear others' opinions on the topic.
Minnie09 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I think it's acceptable if it doesn't happen all the time, and provided he has no drinking problem. It can happen that you meet your friends out or plan on having a few beers after work on a Friday, and then people can lose track of time and stay till the early morning hours because they had a lot of fun and simply didn't feel like leaving. As long as the person doesn't act irresponsibly, overdoes the alcohol intake or drives drunk etc. I wouldn't have a problem with it. Happens to me all the time. Not every Friday, not every month, but twice a year or three times a year. Girl's night out can take longer than planned - lol
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? Yes. It is acceptable. Mainly because my husband doesnt do it anywhere near as often anymore. It used to be more of a problem when we were younger and fortunately, he grew out of it. I dont think its a problem so long as home is taken care of first. What is unacceptable is if he is doing it a lot, while his marriage and wife are falling apart at home and he does nothing to remedy the situation. Home and wife, first. Drinking, second. Thats when it would be a problem. We are grown ups doing grown up things now, not going and spending all sorts of money and wasting weekends on hangovers is silly now so it is not acceptable to be doing it all the time. A few times a year is perfectly fine with me. I not only accept it, but I push him to do it so he has nice nights out with his friends. I want him to have fun with his friends. I actually have less of a problem now that my husband is 31 turning 32 in a few months. We have been married for 3 years, this October. In our younger days, we spent most weekends out on the town, drinking til wee hours of the morning. We live in a huge city with TONS to do, so we had a very exciting night life/weekend life when we were younger. We met when we were 19 and 22, so we did a LOT of partying. We moved in together when I was 21 and he was 24, so partying continued. He goes out a few times a year now, and Im glad to give him away for the night now. Lol. I get him all the time, and I really dont mind him going out until whatever time anymore because he does it so seldomly and always keeps in contact, even if it is a message at 4am telling me he is at _____'s house and that he is safe. I dont sleep well if he isnt home yet, so I have asked that when I call, he answers and just to try to touch base at least once to tell me is safe throughout the night and let me know when to expect him home. If the plan changes, update me. I dont care to control the plans, but would like to know where I can find him if needed. It goes both ways. We spend most of our time together when not working, so we are both fine with the other going out, until whenever they want. We do it so seldomly it isnt a problem and we encourage one another to have fun on our boys night/girls night out. Maybe there are things we could help you with if you explain more?
Mr. Lucky Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? Do you have children together? How many times per month are we talking about? Mr. Lucky
Silly_Girl Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Our marriage is not in a good place, so yes I see it as an issue. There's a lot more to it. I just wanted to hear others' opinions on the topic. Then my response is meaningless to you because our parameters are different. It would be more helpful if you put it in context and told us more about your situation and we could explain how we'd probably behave/see things in your personal circumstances. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Agreed... Asking a generally-phrased, "oh, by the way...." type of question is going to get you an awful lot of answers you're not necessarily going to like reading. If you make your approach more 'personal', then answers are far more likely to be similarly framed. And if this is just yet another' ingredient' to the cake of "marriage not in a good place" then what will the icing be like, I wonder? I'll be perfectly frank with you: I think you and your H should divorce. This isn't working. You're neither of you into this marriage 100%, and commitment to one another isn't there either. It sucks, but frankly, you could do with re-inventing yourself, because right now - well, I don't envy where you are. Edited May 1, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Ladybug12 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 It depends on how it affects him and you. If he wakes you up, can he sleep on the couch when he gets home? Does he drive drunk? If he's putting himself in danger, disturbing your sleep, or shirking his responsibilities the next day, he's causing a burden to you. If it just bothers you for how it seems/sounds but causes no burden on you, then try to be accepting. Nevertheless, if your marriage is not in a good place, he may be more likely to cheat when his inhibitions are down and he's surrounded by single women.. so I'd be worried.. Maybe try expressing your fears if that's the case?
Charlene78 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? If he stays loyal, doesn't consume too much alcohol and if it doesn't negatively affect the relationship and you, then it can be acceptable under certain circumstances. But if it happens too often and you feel you're missing him and if he's consuming too much alcohol, then I would say no. Personally I wouldn't like it if my husband did that.
cocorico Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? As long as someone else is driving him home. 1
Author sunshine6 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Do you have children together? How many times per month are we talking about? Mr. Lucky No children. He is in his mid thirties and goes out once a week at least. His friedns are mainly younger than he.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 No children. He is in his mid thirties and goes out once a week at least. His friedns are mainly younger than he. Once a week at least, out til early dawn is an inappropriate investment in both alcohol and drinking companions for a married man of any age. I can't help but wonder how he'd feel if you indulged in the same activity? Mr. Lucky BYW - I was in the bar/nightclub business for 20+ years. There is nothing going on after midnight in these places that falls in the category of promoting family values .
miss_jaclynrae Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Depends on many things. Kids, if regular responsibilities are being put to the side, if it is frequent, if I don't approve of his friends, if the time spent with his friends is more than quality time spent with me, if he choses to participate in these outings and cancels on dates set with me or makes them out to be more important... If there are problems in the marriage I can see the issue, as well as the fact that he does it once a week.
anna6 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 have you thought about going out with him? have you talked with about him going out? my husband and i are the same age and have a great releationship. to keep that releationship strong we spend plenty of time together. we also have time apart. he and i go out and do stuff without each other often. he is on a bowling league and normally goes out for that once a week and occasionally goes out afterwards to hang out with his friends. we have a child and try to at least once a month if not twice go out together alone. while i do not get out once a week, i try my best to get out as much as i can with my friends. even if it is me doing stuff with my friends then meet up with him later where he is with his friends. you too should try to get out some with out him and try hanging out with him and his friends. if you dont want to hang out with him you dont need to, have a friend of yours meet up with you at the same place. then before the wee hours convince him to go home a little earlier, there is an activity that you could mention that would still keep him up the same amount of time as he would if he spent the rest of the night at the bar that would benefit both of you and you dont have to worry about a DUI or empty sheets. just try talking to him, bring up something else first and let the conversation lead that way, you will be surprised how much you get out and your feedback.
BetheButterfly Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Opinion: Is it acceptable for a married man (30s) to go out to bars until early morning drinking with friends? For me, it is not acceptable for either my husband or myself to do that. We don't go to bars period. My family has a very sad history with alcohol that has greatly hurt both sides (my Mom's side experienced her Dad's father being an alcoholic who physically and verbally abused his wife and kids and my Dad's side experienced the death of his Dad's father's 2 older brothers). Because of the tragedies in our family history, alcohol is not something we use for entertainment. While my husband used to drink a lot and was a bartender for a time of his life, he has transformed and no longer has interest in that lifestyle. While we sometimes buy wine or margaritas/sangrias for the 2 of us either to drink at home or a romantic dinner date or at the hotel , we don't live the lifestyle of going to bars. As for another couples' case, it really depends on the goals that couple has. If the wife of the couple has a problem with it, or the husband of the couple has a problem with it, then it's not acceptable. A marriage is ideally a TEAM. Teams need to stick together and work together to achieve their goals!!!
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