Ladydrib Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I want to talk to you too. The difference is that you think he no longer talks to me. I want to tell you the truth. That he's still lying to you. The affair is over because I refuse to believe he is leaving (as he had me convinced) but he still talks to me and still tries to string me along, as he has done to you also. And I know he has probably lied to me constantly also. I want to tell you that he pretends to care about me until I'm not so much fun. I become less fun when I hold him accountable to his lies. That he's leaving and he's so unhappy. Meanwhile I know he's telling you that he's working on it with you and he will never contact me again. I know because he told me the very next day after you found out. He is lying to both of us. Why? I asked why too. I have asked him many times why doesn't he leave if he's that unhappy. I heard you asked the same thing. I wonder what he tells you. He tells me that he is leaving. He's just not quite ready yet. I want to contact you. Maybe we can help each other heal. I know you think I'm not suffering, but believe me, he messed up my life too with his lies. Why not just say what you feel and either fix it or end it? We ask the same questions. Why do we love this loser? I am trying my hardest to forget why I loved him and only focus on why I hate him. I will call you when the time is right if he is still contacting me. I cannot contact you yet. Maybe you will contact me. 6
underwater2010 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 My only question is what is stopping you from coming clean? Why not through the truth out and let chips fall where they may. 3
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Your husband needs to know the truth so he can decide if he wants to work with you, give you a chance. You're so focused on exMM and his wife. You're continuing contact as well, not ignoring him. There's been a d-day already on their side, I am shocked she hasn't contacted your husband. Do tell your H before she does. Then all contact will end once and for all. 5
Sadwife37 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 You should contact her. As a BS, if you were my H's OW I would want to hear this from you. She likely believes her H and deserves to know the truth. 4
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 One fact she's left out of this post, she is married and has a husband at home. They (her and MM) are on even playing fields, she isn't a single OW being taken advantage of. 5
Gagirl Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Obviously, this guy will never stop cheating. Change your number and tell him to leave you alone. Let him go find someone else for a mistress. Next, go home and get a hobby that is not an addiction or cheating. Just let this go before you make a huge mess of your life. Revenge is sweet but sometimes, it's just not worth the cost to oneself.
Jonah Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Do it! Good for you, good for him, good for his w, even better for your h! Then you can all be free! Free to go menace society wrecking more lives while your spouses have a chance to find someone real. 6
Author Ladydrib Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I honestly believed it was best they didn't know. I always thought it should never have happened and we should have ended it immediately. I struggled over to tell him or not, regardless if I were to stay with him or not. I just didn't want him to hear that. It hurt me that it came to that, I can only imagine how bad it would hurt him. Well I did tell him and it's terrible. I don't need to be judged. I already dislike myself enough for anyone who thinks badly of me. It did hurt him terribly and I care not to talk about that part of it. I'll never know if telling was the best thing for him but I do know that I can't take back my actions. If I could, I would. If I could have seen where it was going I would hope I would have had the strength to get our before I was emotionally bound. I don't blame anyone. I don't think I'm q victim Am I suffering? Yes. That should make some people happy. Some people just like to know that when someone makes terrible decisions that they suffer. So if you're one who likes that, yes I am suffering. I believe all involved in am affair suffer unless they are heartless. Well this is not necessarily a letter I would send. I would pay more attention to catering to the sensitivities of the wife were I to send something. This was just my stream of thought to try to repair what cannot be reversed but must move forward. Thank you to those of you who can find compassion and not be judgmental. I have plenty of judgement for myself . 3
2sure Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I want to talk to you too. The difference is that you think he no longer talks to me. I want to tell you the truth. That he's still lying to you. The affair is over because I refuse to believe he is leaving (as he had me convinced) but he still talks to me and still tries to string me along, as he has done to you also. And I know he has probably lied to me constantly also. I want to tell you that he pretends to care about me until I'm not so much fun. I become less fun when I hold him accountable to his lies. That he's leaving and he's so unhappy. Meanwhile I know he's telling you that he's working on it with you and he will never contact me again. I know because he told me the very next day after you found out. He is lying to both of us. Why? I asked why too. I have asked him many times why doesn't he leave if he's that unhappy. I heard you asked the same thing. I wonder what he tells you. He tells me that he is leaving. He's just not quite ready yet. I want to contact you. Maybe we can help each other heal. I know you think I'm not suffering, but believe me, he messed up my life too with his lies. Why not just say what you feel and either fix it or end it? We ask the same questions. Why do we love this loser? I am trying my hardest to forget why I loved him and only focus on why I hate him. I will call you when the time is right if he is still contacting me. I cannot contact you yet. Maybe you will contact me. Of all the pretend letters we have all written and read here, Having been a BS this is the letter that I would have preferred to get. First - I was so starved for clarity I would have embraced any letter even if I hated it. But the way you've written it, without apology but with the same questions I had myself...it sounds genuine. Not accusing, not demeaning, not assuming. Just genuine. 4
ComingInHot Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Ladydrib wrote, "Am I suffering? Yes. That should make some people happy. Some people just like to know that when someone makes terrible decisions that they suffer. So if you're one who likes that, yes I am suffering. I believe all involved in am affair suffer unless they are heartless. Well this is not necessarily a letter I would send. I would pay more attention to catering to the sensitivities of the wife were I to send something. This was just my stream of thought to try to repair what cannot be reversed but must move forward. Thank you to those of you who can find compassion and not be judgmental. I have plenty of judgement for myself ." Hey Lady, I would like to think that it isn't about people wanting you to suffer so much as they (whoever they are) and even me wanting you to understand what you have truly done and the pain it has caused to someone you love (or once loved). I feel there is a little catch sometimes in "learning a lesson" where it can be that in order to learn a lesson, one must experience the consequences of their actions. It can hurt. But if it means you (general you) will Never repeat the same action in the future then that would be a good thing, right?. I don't want ANYONE to hurt in "real life." Not even exow I hope you don't continue to punish yourself as that could get in the way of any growing and learning that could occur through the pain you are experiencing from your actions. At some point, I hope you can (not accept) but forgive yourself and move forward making better choices for yourself and the people you love. You are going to have many more days ahead of you. Please learn to smile again and enjoy those days* CIH 3
Jonah Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 This was just my stream of thought to try to repair what cannot be reversed but must move forward. Oh, ok. sorry about that. You were just getting the words out! That's easy to understand. Plenty of emotions - let them lead you to the deepest part of yourself. You'll get to know a compassionate you that you never knew existed. I hope your husband can come to recognize the jewel you have become and let himself enjoy your new beauty. It would be terrible if his pride got in the way of such a sweet future for both of you. -Jonah
BetrayedH Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I'm glad you had the courage to come clean with your husband. Even if you may not see any of the benefits now, you have granted him a level of respect that many never do and you made a sacrifice to do it. You can be proud of that decision. For what it's worth, I think a letter similar to this one should go to the other BS. It's yet another step in moving you towards an honest and authentic life of which you can be proud. This affair does not have to define you. How you handle your mistakes can be a much greater reflection of who you are. It's clear to me that you want to be on a better path and that your conscience isn't thrilled with your past actions. Keep making one correct decision after another and before long, THAT will be what defines you, not your mistakes. Giving the truth to the other BS about continued contact is another correct decision. I hope you find the courage to do it. Good luck to you. 2
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) Just a quick question... you said your H knows of the A. Does he know your MM continues to contact you and does he know you still respond? Just a question... no judgement. Edited May 2, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1
Jonah Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Just a quick question... you said your H knows of the A. Does he know your MM continues to contact you and does he know you still respond? Just a question... no judgement. Yeah you can't a afford another withdrawal. Not while in emotional bankruptcy court already.
Artie Lang Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Some people just like to know that when someone makes terrible decisions that they suffer. not that they suffer, but that they bear the consequences of their actions. 1
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