Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I've been on four dates with a guy I really like. I've been excited about where this could go. But I just realized his dog could be a major setback in our ability to get to know each other more. Not because I don't like dogs -- I love them, and his in particular seems great. But the dog creates a ton of logistical dilemmas, which is already kind of an issue since we live in different cities 50 minutes from each other and both work atypical schedules. I live in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs so I wouldn't ever be able to offer for his dog to stay here. And the guy can't leave the dog alone for long stretches of time. That means I'd always going to have to be the one driving to him, staying at his place, and I don't see that as functional. Obviously we're very early in our dating, so it might be stupid to analyze. But I realized what a big deal it could become when I realized it might be impossible for this guy to stay overnight with me in my city.
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 You may not be allowed to keep a dog as a pet, but ask your landlord about an overnight guest, and how they would feel about it.... Just a suggestion..... 3
HokeyReligions Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 For me a dog is a dealbreaker. Love me love my dog. My hubby and I talked about this a lot when we started getting serious. It was important for both of us to know our personal and "couple" priorties. I broke up with a couple of guys before because of this. Fast forward a couple years to our wedding night - which was spent finding shelter for the two strayes we picked up. That was 27 years ago.
Author Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Well, again, the issue is not the dog itself. I'm a dog lover. And I met this particular dog already and we really took to each other. The issue is my housing. Won't go into the boring details but my living situation for the next six months at least has zero flexibility on the dog thing. And if I broke that rule it would be very obvious to my neighbors. I think it's just particularly awkward at this phase of the relationship. I've slept at his place once, I assume he'll be sleeping at mine the next time, but it's a little early to be saying stuff before a date like "When you spend the night at my place, I guess you're going to need to find a solution for the dog." We're more at the speed of: "What type of restaurant would you want to go to?" And of course it would be really presumptuous to address my concerns about this logistical dilemma for "the future" when the future between us is a total blank slate right now.
AMusing Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I can't lie, dogs make dating tougher. I have two, and have been dating a guy (who lives 40-50 minutes away from me) for ~7 months now. You're right to worry a little about this problem. Most sleepovers do happen at my house. I try to hire a sitter every so often so I can stay at his, but it's not realistic (or fair to my dogs) to do that very often. I do drive out to his city almost half the time though; it just means I have to drive back home really late at night (or very very early in the morning). And if we're going out of town for the day, I have to make arrangements for someone to take care of them. That's the dog owner's job though, not something you need to worry about. Anyway, I'd advise being patient if you really like this guy and don't mind the extra miles in your car, but then I'm pretty biased. It's a bit of a pain for both of us, but absolutely worth it to me--I wouldn't trade my dogs or my boyfriend for anything--and evidently my boyfriend thinks I'm worth the hassle too. Good luck!
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 It definitely says something about our dating culture that something so small and insignificant can serve as a dealbreaker.....and it's confirmed when multiple people back that up. 1
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 And of course it would be really presumptuous to address my concerns about this logistical dilemma for "the future" when the future between us is a total blank slate right now. ^^^^ THIS ^^^^ You have only been on four dates. my living situation for the next six months at least has zero flexibility on the dog thing. Good. Get to know the guy for six months before you even consider how to deal with the dog scenario. 1
Author Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 ^^^^ THIS ^^^^ You have only been on four dates. Yep, definitely WAY early to consider "the big picture" of the logistics, but that doesn't mean the issue's not already coming up in a smaller way. Of the four dates, the first was lunch in my city but the next two were in his city. I'm about to invite him for a date in my area for the next time but the question of "What about the dog?" came up in my head. It's an unspoken assumption the guy will stay over at my place. I think at this point, though, he's gotta deal with the logistics himself and I can't worry about it at all. If any bigger solution is needed for our dating future (if there is one), we'll talk about that later. 1
MsSmurf Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I've been on four dates with a guy I really like. I've been excited about where this could go. But I just realized his dog could be a major setback in our ability to get to know each other more. Not because I don't like dogs -- I love them, and his in particular seems great. But the dog creates a ton of logistical dilemmas, which is already kind of an issue since we live in different cities 50 minutes from each other and both work atypical schedules. I live in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs so I wouldn't ever be able to offer for his dog to stay here. And the guy can't leave the dog alone for long stretches of time. That means I'd always going to have to be the one driving to him, staying at his place, and I don't see that as functional. Obviously we're very early in our dating, so it might be stupid to analyze. But I realized what a big deal it could become when I realized it might be impossible for this guy to stay overnight with me in my city. Yeah this could end up being a dealbreaker. I briefly dated a guy who had 2 dogs that he couldn't or wouldn't (I really wasn't sure which) leave alone for very long. This guy was rushing home on his lunch hour to see them, rushing home after work to see them, and eventually started interrupting our dates to go see them. I'm not a dog person, but I didn't think any of that was normal, especially when he could easily (meaning he had the financial means) have hired a dog walker to help out a little or moved to a place that had a yard. Even though we lived in the same city it was irritating that I always had to go to his place and he insisted our dates were in his neighborhood so he could rush home. Venturing out of his neighborhood would mean bringing the dogs with us which just wasn't going to work if we were going to a restaurant or whatever. Just when I'd nearly convinced myself I was nuts and overreacting he mentioned if we became intimate he expected his dogs to be present. According to him they preferred sitting there watching to being put in another room. I wasn't nuts or overreacting, dude had issues. My whole point is if 4 dates in you already feel like you're doing all of the accommodating and this guy isn't flexible then this is only going to get more irritating. Perhaps he has someone that would be willing to watch the dog overnight if he stayed at your place? Perhaps his neighbors already use a great dog walker that would love another client and could routinely check on the dog?
Author Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 @AMusing: Just curious, why can't you bring your dogs with you to your boyfriend's? Is it the same deal as me, his place doesn't allow them? @MsSmurf: Having sex in front of the dogs -- oh my f*cking god. That's hilarious. But just to be clear, I never said or meant to suggest this guy is being "difficult" about the dog in any way. It hasn't come up as an issue at all yet. The first time it will come up will be when he spends the night at my place for the first time.... and I just realized that brings up a bigger range of questions.
xxoo Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Sounds like you are borrowing trouble. Ask him to your place, and let him figure out the logistics on his end. He may simply choose to drive home, rather than spending the night. Or possibly he has a close friend or family member in town who can keep the dog a few nights a month.
Author Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Sounds like you are borrowing trouble. Ask him to your place, and let him figure out the logistics on his end. He may simply choose to drive home, rather than spending the night. Or possibly he has a close friend or family member in town who can keep the dog a few nights a month. Yep. It's pretty simple when you put it like that. I'm overthinking this. Thanks.
FitChick Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 He lives 50 MINUTES from you, not 50 miles. Most people commute to daily jobs for longer than that. There are kennels. There are dog sitters/walkers. There are friends and neighbors. Don't ever have kids.
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