No breadcrumbs.. Official Goodbye?

[LoveB86]

I need the ultimate beat down because I rather do it on here than to break NC.

 

I am 21 days NC and almost 1 month post BU.

 

He found the woman of his dreams while with me. He vanished from me for a week and then sent a "space/time" text. He ended it with me and is now bf/gf with her. I acted as a typical dumpee for 1 week and then vanished from his life afterwards due to shame. He sure did blindsided me, but I think he wanted to try her out first. That why was he mentioned he wanted to go on a "trip away" in the space text msg.

 

I see them every now and then as they work across the street from me. I left him alone. Have not bothered him. Have no desire to bother them. Been on LS everyday venting my feelings. Still, no desire to bother them.

 

I was very good to this man. No one cannot explain why he did this other than the "It is not going to last... trust me"

 

He been at NC since the breakup. No breadcrumbs. No nothing.. Am I doing the right thing? I haven't spoke to him.. But wonder, did he really not care? Are you so into your new girl, that for a second, you can't even think about someone who was there for you for over a year?

 

I had been trying to figure this out since day 1 but feel I am glad I let him be. Atleast he can say that I am not bothering him. That I am respecting his "space".

Edited April 28, 2013 by LoveB86

[LoveB86]

Thank you livedandlearned. Appreciate it. I will carry on with what I been doing.

[McGriff]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, I know it's difficult. That fact that he left you for someone else and hasn't contacted you makes you feel worthless and unloved. Sometimes life can be so cruel. Everything you are feeling is completely natural. And believe me, you are not alone.

 

One thing I've learned in my own BU (and it's taken me a longtime to come to grips with it), is that you cannot control your ex. It's frustrating, it's sad, it's annoying, it's patronizing, it's aggravating (insert your favorite adjective here). Logic is out the window. It's all about what they are feeling RIGHT NOW. Not yesterday, not last week, not when you were together, but right now. He hasn't contacted you because he is in the grips of a new, exciting romance (I know that hurts to hear), and you represent old feelings that get in the way of these new exciting feelings. It sucks. He is rebounding, and once the newness wears off, and real life ultimately begins to rear it's ugly head, he will have to deal with those repressed feelings, and that's when he will most likely contact you. I just went through this, and it still sucks. I guess at the end of the day, the only advice I can give is, just feel your feelings, and do everything you can to stay busy and do things for yourself. I've heard that advice hundreds of times it seems over the last two months, and while I know it the right advice, it's still hard to do. I wish you the best!

[witmadskilllz]

he's not a man

[LoveB86]

It's all about what they are feeling RIGHT NOW. Not yesterday, not last week, not when you were together, but right now. He hasn't contacted you because he is in the grips of a new, exciting romance (I know that hurts to hear), and you represent old feelings that get in the way of these new exciting feelings. It sucks. He is rebounding, and once the newness wears off, and real life ultimately begins to rear it's ugly head, he will have to deal with those repressed feelings, and that's when he will most likely contact you.

 

I needed to hear that. That is exactly what it is. I have to keep reminding myself that. Thank you Mcgriff! I don't have much to say anymore as I am slowly becoming to accept the way things are in such a short period of time. But you helped me remember what exactly is going on right now and I needed that.

[LoveB86]

he's not a man

 

Sad.. he's 28 and his new gf is 24.

 

I'm 26. The 20s dating bs! lol

[AKisBaked]

Sad.. he's 28 and his new gf is 24.

 

I'm 26. The 20s dating bs! lol

 

I agree with you with the 20's dating BS. It is BS... LoveB86 I can relate to you (were the same age actually lol) and I am sorry to hear that your going through a tough time..

 

I myself feel that if my ex isn't throwing me any more breadcrumbs I feel that it's completely gone and theres no more hope. But I shouldn't be thinking this way at all because reality is that "IT IS OVER". The breadcrumbs just gives us hope that we could potentially work things out with our ex bf/gf and be together with them again. But really they are only giving us hope or tossing us those breadcrumbs to give themselves an "ego boost" to make them feel like "hey so and so still likes me and is willing to still talk to me after all I did to him/her." Our ex's are selfish when they get with someone else. They only contact us because they know they hurt us and they know that they are able to get us to talk because they know how we feel towards them. We're weak and they take advantage of our weakness.

 

Its tough to ignore someone you used to have a connection with. Just keep NC with him. Its time for you to heal and avoid all these negative thing thats going on in your life. Its time to give yourself self respect and confidence that you deserve. It's not you. THEY CHANGED .

 

Good luck and keep your head up PM if anything.

[LoveB86]

AKisBaked- He did change and now, it makes me glad to know that I don't have to be confused because he doesn't contact me.

 

I don't have to worry about him being wishy washy. He is NC with me like I am with him. Since he changed, I rather not know what else he might be up to. I heard some bad stuff about him with this new gf as far as his personality and how arrogant he is lately.

 

I am staying far away from it. It's just I got sad today because I keep seeing LS posts about dumpers still contacting the dumpees when mine never spoke to me since.

[Compromize]

Sad.. he's 28 and his new gf is 24.

 

I'm 26. The 20s dating bs! lol

 

The 30's aren't much better!

 

So many of us are on here asking "Why!? Why!? Why!?" and the only one that knows the answer is our ex's, and none of us probably want to hear the reasons, hell we don't need to hear the reasons. It would just be more fodder for that sadistic assh@ole, imagination.

 

I am reading the book "Getting Past your Breakup" and the biggest part of it is actually feeling the pain, not placating it with something else (like your ex is) and at some point the pain WILL surface and have to be dealt with. That's why rebounds rarely ever work. Unless you fall out of love long before the rebound and dealt with the grief and pain while still in the relationship (I did this in my marriage but also realized I was never in love with my ex wife) the pain will be triggered and surface. This is usually when the rebound ends and they come crawling back (sometimes at least) or have to deal with the pain.

 

I am staying far away from it. It's just I got sad today because I keep seeing LS posts about dumpers still contacting the dumpees when mine never spoke to me since.

 

This is actually a blessing. My ex contacted me a week ago today to tell me she wants me back. Found out she had been dating and I think she realized I'm not so replaceable and the connection we had was not something you just find. She said while she wants me back she isn't ready to give me what I said I needed from her (trust mainly) and said she needs time to find this in herself and will contact me in the future when and if she can give me what I asked. This is FAR worse than them moving on in another relationship and not contacting you.

 

While I would like nothing better than to get back together and live happily ever after, most of me is moving forward without that hope of ever even hearing from her again. A small part of me ignited with hope when she called and said what she said. But I can't let that rule my life. Consider yourself fortunate that your emotions are not being toyed with and you can just focus on moving forward and loving yourself. I am still doing this it's just more complicated when they are still around.

[LoveB86]

Compromize- Sadistic, placating.. you said all the words I can totally feel that is what he is doing!!

 

I don't wish nothing bad on his relationship, I forgave him with prayer, I am doing all I can to put a little light in this dark tunnel I'm in. I think this is why I am able to snap out of the funk at times.

 

Am sad that I was mislead to think everything was going great. Oh well, if he only knew what he had caused, he knows I would of never got involved. He knew I had a bad breakup in the past. Wish he didn't play me along till he found better (i guess).

 

Guess no breadcrumbs, all silence is golden. I don't see it right now, but I know I will appreciate it eventually.

 

Thank you for ur input Compromize.

[TearyEyedPride]

Breadcrumbs suck sooooo bad. They stab you in the heart with that temporary "heart skipping a beat" moment, and in the stomach (nauseous) and then you go through this endless wonderment of "what does this mean?" "Why did they contact me?" and even for us strong NC advocates... it still just sucks to be reminded of the bull, the games, the memories, the rumors, the end. Ugh. Not a fun process. So luckily you can get over this jerk without all of that extra turmoil. Lucky you.

[Compromize]

Compromize- Sadistic, placating.. you said all the words I can totally feel that is what he is doing!!

 

I don't wish nothing bad on his relationship, I forgave him with prayer, I am doing all I can to put a little light in this dark tunnel I'm in. I think this is why I am able to snap out of the funk at times.

 

Am sad that I was mislead to think everything was going great. Oh well, if he only knew what he had caused, he knows I would of never got involved. He knew I had a bad breakup in the past. Wish he didn't play me along till he found better (i guess).

 

Guess no breadcrumbs, all silence is golden. I don't see it right now, but I know I will appreciate it eventually.

 

Thank you for ur input Compromize.

 

You are most welcome. I agree with TearyEyedPride. Breadcrumbs suck. Bad. Take it from me, having the biggest one any of us here can get thrown my direction (I want you back) and not hearing from her since then has turned me on my head. Since then, only the rejection of not being responded to. Then it's reset the counter to day 1 NC. I know directly the pain of it all and this past week has been the same as before. Maybe. Maybe some day, maybe next week, next month. I live in a land of maybes and what ifs. It's emotionally exhausting. I want her to either REALLY come back or tell me goodbye and mean it this time. Again, consider yourself fortunate to not go through this part of it.

[may_girl]

Hi LoveB

 

I can completely relate to your situation. My ex left me for another girl he worked with and it broke my heart. After the first day or two he completely shut me out, as if I no longer existed. He was getting on with his own new "perfect" life, while I was thrown in the trash.

 

It hurts. That's no lie, and it's no use hiding it either. I think not receiving any of these breadcrumbs made it worse for me because I didn't get the chance to shove his ego-boost attempts in his cheating face.

 

Why I am messaging you? Because you are in the best position you can be right now. Do not contact him. I did, I contacted my ex after receiving no breadcrumbs, and guess what? He ignored me. He ignored my message and probably laughed and deleted it whilst lying naked next to his new w****.

 

Ignore him. He does not know what you are thinking that way, you remain mysterious. If I had this chance over again I would completely ignore and not look back. If the thought crosses your mind to contact him, just think what he could be doing at that moment, what if he ignores you.

 

Stay strong lovely

[IS IT Better late]

Compromize, your ex sent you a text saying "I want you back" and you responded to it and she never replied? Am I correct? That's sooo f-ed up!

 

How long were you two together and how long after you broke up did she send that?

 

I get the breadcrumbs too. Last one was a week & half ago she sends me pics of her out at her friends b-day? Why? And of course I'm a dummie and responded to it b/c I haven't given up the hope to see her again.

 

Been about 10 days NC, but struggling.

[LoveB86]

Well guys..

 

Word got around to me today. Our breakup was one month ago. He cheated and moved on with her so fast. Well their now moving on so fast, she is spending the night with him everyday at his parents house (He's 28 incase ur wondering). Having movie nights with the family. Their moving along pretty fast in 1 month.

 

One thing I didn't do was spend the night at his parents house. Kinda weird because his parents room is just above his. I just don't see how their falling so fast for one another. How he moved on so fast.. breaks my heart and moves onto someone else. Like sooo fast???

 

That stabbed me in the heart. Well atleast I don't bother him. NC at 22 days. But it hurts to hear all this.

Edited April 29, 2013 by LoveB86

[Compromize]

Compromize, your ex sent you a text saying "I want you back" and you responded to it and she never replied? Am I correct? That's sooo f-ed up!

 

How long were you two together and how long after you broke up did she send that?

 

Basically brother she did just that. Called me out of the blue to see if I had anything to say to her (saw her on a dating site and let her know I saw her on there indirectly) and she told me it was wrong to date and she wanted me back. Then said that she wasn't ready to give me what I needed and that she would contact me if and when she could give me/was ready for it. Said she wanted to sort some stuff out and take it slow then went of the grid again. It was an "I want you back but only if and when I am ready" basically. I am not sure if she just wanted to hear that I would have taken her back? My post is here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/388158-ex-called-me-last-night-wants-me-back

 

It's been damn near 3 months since the REAL breakup. Unofficial BU in December.

 

Sorry for the thread hijack

[LoveB86]

27 days of NC.

 

I just have to ask this.... I've been going out lately and now find times where I don't think of him. Everything will be fine, but on my way home, I dwell in misery about him. If I can easily distract myself, I wonder if his new girlfriend is a constant distraction from me? He probably never thinks of me or even reminscience all the things I had done for him. He probably isn't thinking about how bad he ended things?

 

If his girlfriend was removed out of this picture, then he'll probably think of me. Or is he trying so hard to bury us after only dating her for 1 month? I mean, he broke up with me and immediately made her his girlfriend the next day.

 

I don't know anything about rebounds.. but how can someone be indenial of hurting a good person. The day he ended with me, he clearly said "You didn't do anything wrong, there was nothing bad you did".

 

One of those classic "It's not you, It's me" type phrases. He cheated on me with her.

[KPChick000]

It's natural to wonder if he thinks about you. I do the same thing. But I think we need to not dwell on it because we will never know the answer. Use the fact that he cheated on you to push you to move on.

 

27 days NC is good - keep going!!