swiftly333 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Its been a week of NC. I stopped talking to him after I got information that goes spending time with and clearly openly flirting with someone else. We've been apart 7weeks. I thought we could work things out after started talking to me again. I'm having a hard time. I still want to work on getting him back even thought I know he's maybe with someone else. Does that mean he's really moved on already? Why would he say he has feelings for me, but I broke his heart and that he can't put himself out there to be with anybody but all the while be flirting/spending time with someone else. I assumed he said"baby steps" because either he didn't know how to say no, or to keep me in the wings. But I guess its possible he meant that. Or is that stupid? So many people tell me he's moved on and to give up. But I don't believe he has. If he loved me he couldn't just move on days later! I'm battling with these feeling constantly.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Another thing I doubt about. I wonder if because I broke up with him if he's waiting to see how hard I'll really try. Maybe he feels he has a right to make me have to work. So, then I think maybe I shouldn't give up just yet. It really hasn't been that long. I hate that I'm so up and down about how I feel all time. Yesterday I was hell bent on stopping.
losttheone Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I can tell you I am going through the same thing, just a few months ahead. And no one here is really an expert on reconciliation. So take all the advice with a grain of salt. But also know that some here have had results that are typical. For example the dumped when falling into a new love, it's most likely to cover the pain. The new person in their life will be with half a person, and when they heal there is a chance they will realize they are not into the new person or the new person will wake up one day and see a different mate. I look at it from my point of view and think if I was in a relationship right now I would still be hurting inside, and when alone would think of things and look for answers. Now this all depends on your love for each other, because we have all seen that couple that keeps getting back together. So if in fact you do get back together make sure you have taken steps to not repeat the past. I talk with my X and only offer something new, what's is done is done. And if you want them back be ready for more pain and be strong, because your mind can take over with the, what did they mean when they sent that cute text or oh my they contacted me. I have been in spots where she would text me while with him, I am thinking yes she is testing me. Then find out they were together. Only you really know what you are thinking and only they know what they are thinking, so do not ask any questions with an attachment to an answer, you might just get the answer you are not looking for. In my case a few months ago I was invited to her Bday bash and was going up until the day of, good thing I did not go, he put a ring on her finger at the party. So one month they are dating and he puts a ring on her finger, doomed or rebound or what every you must stand tall. Oh and stay friends or NC must be your choice. I know last time we broke up staying her friend worked, soon we were going camping and everything just fell back into place. This time I went NC to remove her safety net, sent over the do not contact me until you want something new or its goodbye and she started contacting me. Does this mean she is tossing out bread crumbs or really ready. I have no idea but I keep telling her, that I can not be number 2 in your life you know how I feel, I wish you well in your new life. And she will keep contacting me. So I again say in or out and she comes back a day later. So I will not let my guard down until she really comes back. And only you will know when that is. I wish you luck, be strong. 1
aisuru Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 He may still have feelings, but right now he's chosen to not be in a relationship with you. It hurts and you feel rejected and have regrets. The only thing you can do right now is worry about where you are and how to get yourself back to a good spot for you. Breakups can be hard for the dumper and the dumpee, but he likely had more time to process some of what you're processing now before he made the final decision to break up. Stay strong with the no contact for now. It doesn't have to be forever. But for right now, it's best for you to heal a bit and get away from the topsy turvy emotions you're feeling.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 He may still have feelings, but right now he's chosen to not be in a relationship with you. It hurts and you feel rejected and have regrets. The only thing you can do right now is worry about where you are and how to get yourself back to a good spot for you. Breakups can be hard for the dumper and the dumpee, but he likely had more time to process some of what you're processing now before he made the final decision to break up. Stay strong with the no contact for now. It doesn't have to be forever. But for right now, it's best for you to heal a bit and get away from the topsy turvy emotions you're feeling. In this situation I broke up with him. I want ready for if either, so we've had the same amount of time to process it. But the part about him deciding to not have a relationship with me is valid. I think no contact will help me only to get.over it, buy I fear if info that he'll think incessant serious and continue to move on which will be easy if I disappear.for the time being I am sticking to no contact, focus on my self, and take the "wait and see" route.
losttheone Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I was the dumper as well and I think things started to change for the better when I admitted I messed up and here are my reasons. Now I have to regain her trust. And that takes change, real change she can see.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I was the dumper as well and I think things started to change for the better when I admitted I messed up and here are my reasons. Now I have to regain her trust. And that takes change, real change she can see. How do you show that? How to you regain trust? I have made changes. I feel it. People around me have said they see. My therapist said she's so proud and surprised at how far I've cone in the last two months. But he won't see me so how will he see this? I know I have more work to do, It's a process, but I am making strides everyday. I realize what I didn't do and working on understanding why, and letting those things that aren't serving me go. I know I must do these things for myself. Regardless. But I believe that I could be more emotionally invested now; which I'd what he said he wanted and was a major obstacle for us.
losttheone Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 How do you show that? How to you regain trust? I have made changes. I feel it. People around me have said they see. My therapist said she's so proud and surprised at how far I've cone in the last two months. But he won't see me so how will he see this? I know I have more work to do, It's a process, but I am making strides everyday. I realize what I didn't do and working on understanding why, and letting those things that aren't serving me go. I know I must do these things for myself. Regardless. But I believe that I could be more emotionally invested now; which I'd what he said he wanted and was a major obstacle for us. Keep making changes she will find out if she wants to check in. For me we still have the same friends and she hears and sees my FB status. And every time I saying something about anything of interest to her she contacts me. I am going NC now, because everyone I do she blows up my phone. If I keep my cool and not talk about anything in the past she is grand. But mine is with another man so I tell her we can not hang out but text is fine. She blows up about some new girl she thinks I am with then goes quite for a day, then comes back real nice. So the NC is getting to her she misses her old life, heck she asks to hang out all the time. So keep strong whatever you choice is, she will not come back to an omega!
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