sadhusband Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 My wife and i have been married for 2 years now we are fairly young both being 21 years old. Lest start from the benignant bout two-three months ago i had to resign from my job and had to look for another job neither less to say we were going to a hard time financial we had to move in with my parents due to unable to pay bills, she is a full time student and has no job. This brought a lot of pain and sorrow to me not being able to provide for my self and wife. Fell into a depressing state where i didn't want to do anything go any where and got to the point were it affected my marriage, it got so bad it messed with my emotions, said somethings to my wife that hurt her in a way that she can not forgive now. I told her that i didnt know if i loved her that is didnt know if i wanted to be with her. She broke down and asked me to not leave her and that we could work on our relationship, so we did she came back with me and really did nothing to fix our relationship. I found a job after searching for a while i knew that it was an uncomfortable living situation as soon as it was possible we found an apartment and moved out. Since then things have been rocky to sat the least. We moved into an apartment that i could not afford with my salary it self she had a job lined up that fell thru. It was tough thinking about not being able to make ends meet witch was unfortunate. So a friend of mine asked me if she wanted to work waiting tables for a temp job while she was finished with school. After asking her about the job she said that she would do it and she would do anything to get our own place again. She would only work weekends due to her school schedule. After 2 weeks in she decided that the job was to hard and she did not want to continue to work there that she didnt even care if they didnt pay her but she didnt want to go back there. I asked her to do it so we can have some stability and to look for something else and when she did she could quit that job. After the discussion she said it was ok and she was gonna do it but the weekend after that she just didnt show up to work, to me this was devastating i felt alone like i couldnt count on her to help me (since we have been married i had never asked her to work until this occasion). I may have grew a lil cold and resented her for her actions but didnt speak about it any more. A few weeks later she told me she wanted to move out and she felt that we had grown apart and she wanted some space, i was sad but agreed to what she had asked. on that night even tho what she had asked we went out spent some nice quality time together. She seem like she was on her phone more than usual and it was also locked, it was odd, but didnt think much of it until that night once she was a sleep i dont know why but i checked her phone and guesses the lock code key when i went thru her messages she had been talking to another guy for about two weeks i soon confronted her and asked her what was going on her attitude was if it wasnt a big deal that it was ok for her to talk to this guy and hang out with him while she told me she was either at school or with her family. I asked her to leave and she did for a week for that week i was depressed would only sleep and work nothing else on my days off i would stay in bed all day. I would txt her because i missed her she was always out with her sisters at the store i felt like she didnt care like she felt better than ever because i wasnt around. One day when she came to pick up clothes i broke down and she decided to stay and try to make things better (i later found out that she only did that because she felt bad and didnt want to see me suffer). I have been trying to make things better going on dates more often making her feel like nothing happen. Bought her a car and school supplies that she needed for school. One week after getting back together she tells me that she sees me trying and acknowledge what ive done for her, but she also realize that she has done nothing to try to fix our marriage she is constantly going out with her sisters and friends even after i had told her not to to try to spent time with me to try to make our marriage work. She said she loves me but she sometimes feels like she dosent want to be in a marriage any more that maybe we were to young to get married. SHe wanted to leave again last night after the conversation but i asked to stay to try make things work she agreed but think that she dose it only out of pity. I need some advice did i do the rite thing should i have let her go how can i win her love back. I am just confused what do how can i be happy if shes here but does not wish to be. PS: our sex life is great we never had any problems there but emotional i think that were i have failed and i wish to fix it and work on my flaws.
aMguilts Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 My wife and i have been married for 2 years now we are fairly young both being 21 years old. Lest start from the benignant bout two-three months ago i had to resign from my job and had to look for another job neither less to say we were going to a hard time financial we had to move in with my parents due to unable to pay bills, she is a full time student and has no job. This brought a lot of pain and sorrow to me not being able to provide for my self and wife. Fell into a depressing state where i didn't want to do anything go any where and got to the point were it affected my marriage, it got so bad it messed with my emotions, said somethings to my wife that hurt her in a way that she can not forgive now. I told her that i didnt know if i loved her that is didnt know if i wanted to be with her. She broke down and asked me to not leave her and that we could work on our relationship, so we did she came back with me and really did nothing to fix our relationship. I found a job after searching for a while i knew that it was an uncomfortable living situation as soon as it was possible we found an apartment and moved out. Since then things have been rocky to sat the least. We moved into an apartment that i could not afford with my salary it self she had a job lined up that fell thru. It was tough thinking about not being able to make ends meet witch was unfortunate. So a friend of mine asked me if she wanted to work waiting tables for a temp job while she was finished with school. After asking her about the job she said that she would do it and she would do anything to get our own place again. She would only work weekends due to her school schedule. After 2 weeks in she decided that the job was to hard and she did not want to continue to work there that she didnt even care if they didnt pay her but she didnt want to go back there. I asked her to do it so we can have some stability and to look for something else and when she did she could quit that job. After the discussion she said it was ok and she was gonna do it but the weekend after that she just didnt show up to work, to me this was devastating i felt alone like i couldnt count on her to help me (since we have been married i had never asked her to work until this occasion). I may have grew a lil cold and resented her for her actions but didnt speak about it any more. A few weeks later she told me she wanted to move out and she felt that we had grown apart and she wanted some space, i was sad but agreed to what she had asked. on that night even tho what she had asked we went out spent some nice quality time together. She seem like she was on her phone more than usual and it was also locked, it was odd, but didnt think much of it until that night once she was a sleep i dont know why but i checked her phone and guesses the lock code key when i went thru her messages she had been talking to another guy for about two weeks i soon confronted her and asked her what was going on her attitude was if it wasnt a big deal that it was ok for her to talk to this guy and hang out with him while she told me she was either at school or with her family. I asked her to leave and she did for a week for that week i was depressed would only sleep and work nothing else on my days off i would stay in bed all day. I would txt her because i missed her she was always out with her sisters at the store i felt like she didnt care like she felt better than ever because i wasnt around. One day when she came to pick up clothes i broke down and she decided to stay and try to make things better (i later found out that she only did that because she felt bad and didnt want to see me suffer). I have been trying to make things better going on dates more often making her feel like nothing happen. Bought her a car and school supplies that she needed for school. One week after getting back together she tells me that she sees me trying and acknowledge what ive done for her, but she also realize that she has done nothing to try to fix our marriage she is constantly going out with her sisters and friends even after i had told her not to to try to spent time with me to try to make our marriage work. She said she loves me but she sometimes feels like she dosent want to be in a marriage any more that maybe we were to young to get married. SHe wanted to leave again last night after the conversation but i asked to stay to try make things work she agreed but think that she dose it only out of pity. I need some advice did i do the rite thing should i have let her go how can i win her love back. I am just confused what do how can i be happy if shes here but does not wish to be. PS: our sex life is great we never had any problems there but emotional i think that were i have failed and i wish to fix it and work on my flaws. hi sadhusband yes you have failed work on your `flaws` and hope that she works on hers too in the meantime you are both better off separate until these `flaws` are resolved either that or you both grow up aM
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I'm sorry, but the two of you got married WAY too young. You are still becoming who you guys are and she is probably learning that there is a lot more to life than marriage. She has already mentally checked out and I would hazard to guess there is little you can do to keep her. I would start divorce proceedings and give yourself another decade or so before considering marriage again. 1
Gunny376 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Dump her ~ she's a lost cause? Its not this or that, nor a personal statement about you nor her? She's just not ready to make the commitment that nor the level of commitment to make it work ~ its a work n' progress. I know a lot of things about a lot of things? But its just wasted breath if your not willing, able nor capable of "receiving" the message? Keep your wisdom and knowledge to yourself! Genesis don't need it, and fool's won't heed it! Just curious? Have your ever heard of paragraph breaks ¶
trippi1432 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Actually, my take trying to make it out without the paragraph breaks, OP....you sort of set the ball in motion. Depression is a very serious thing. Understandable, you lost a job, but you are both young. There are people here on this board that didn't hear this "I told her that i didnt know if i loved her that is didnt know if i wanted to be with her." until year 10, 15, 20, 30 and they have a whole lot more to be fighting for in their marriages. A life, children.....a history. The two of you are barely out of the gate. You got lucky that she gave a chance after hearing that...lesson one, never, ever say that that unless you mean it...even if you think you are sacrificing yourself. It's understandable that you are not happy with what life is dealing you (prior to her own culpability now). Lesson two, live within your means, else you put too much pressure on yourself and the person you don't want to lose. Lastly....work on the depression and find happiness within. Build your life first, so you have a healthy and happy life to share with someone. Honestly, neither of you have done anything terribly wrong, you just both have a lot of growing up to do before you can be happy in a marriage together. In this day and age, it's understandable how much pressure there is to do that (grow up) but it's a shame that it comes at the expense of also living life with someone you care about. Struggles are what makes you stronger, it also builds a history when you both work on it together and work in the same direction of life. My apologies if this sounds like something your parents would tell you, but I don't tell you this without some experience, I married very young as well and neither of us were ready yet.
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