Do domestic skills still matter?

[thefooloftheyear]

I can do just about anything domestiaclly, even though I am a "traditional" man. I have no issue cleaning and while I can cook, I am admittedly not very good at it...I really appreciate a woman that possesses those traits, but it wouldnt be a dealbreaker.

 

The one thing that DID piss me off royally is that when I came home after working 12 hours straight to find dishes from breakfast in the sink and the house a disaster(she was home-didnt work). Thats a killer...

 

TFY

[Lillyfree]

I agree on the cooking.

 

I am still looking for that joy in cleaning. NEVER come across it or felt less of it if someone else cleaned. Actually that is a lovely feeling, clean house and I didn't have to do it!

 

 

fair enough - i do however suffer from (manageable) ocd and germophobia, so no one can do it as well as i can

so - it's a blessing and a curse. can't say i enjoy cleaning, but i don't mind it really

[Thegameoflife]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

Men are looking for the other half of a dynamic they were taught. Men who like a women who cooks and cleans, like it because it makes them feel special and loved. The other half of the dynamic is a woman who was taught that taking care of her husband makes them a good wife, and achieving this ideal creates a positive feeling, especially when appreciation that supports that thinking is reciprocated. You indirectly answered your question with self-observation of something taking place in your own marriage.

 

It's funny how dynamics like this strengthened families for millenia, but now it's considered sexest, and seen as an inequality of genders in relationships. People are readily influenced by misguided people.

[Silly_Girl]

Men are looking for the other half of a dynamic they were taught. Men who like a women who cooks and cleans, like it because it makes them feel special and loved. The other half of the dynamic is a woman who was taught that taking care of her husband makes them a good wife, and achieving this ideal creates a positive feeling, especially when appreciation that supports that thinking is reciprocated. You indirectly answered your question with self-observation of something taking place in your own marriage.

 

It's funny how dynamics like this strengthened families for millenia, but now it's considered sexest, and seen as an inequality of genders in relationships. People are readily influenced by misguided people.

 

I guess once we stop letting women go out to work we can return to the equilibrium

 

[Emilia]

People are readily influenced by misguided people.

 

Indeed

[Nyla]

And yet, these are the SAME hypocrites who use the "Equality" argument for why women should now pay for dates. Guess they use the argument only when it benefits THEM.

 

Funny how that works, isn't it?

 

I know right? I also laugh at women who call themselves feminists, yet expect men to pay for them. It goes both ways.

 

My husband does the grocery shopping because he drives (I do not drive due to a medical condition) and he finds it easier than me to lift heavy bags. He also does the dishes because I hate that chore with a passion.

 

I do everything else about 90% of the time. I don't mind because of my aforementioned employment situation.

 

Today I was on my hands and knees cleaning our white vinyl floor. I couldn't do all of it because my knees were hurting, so I'm going to tackle the kitchen floor tomorrow after work. I also need to change the bathroom mats, decorative towels and shower curtain to reflect warmer weather coming. The bed comforter set needs to be changed as well. I like to see bright colors in the spring.

 

Most men don't care whether or not the mats and comforter sets are brighter in the spring. Decorative changes are usually the domain of wives in my world.

 

Thegameoflife, I was groomed to be wife since I was ten years old. My mother is very old fashioned and she was adamant that I would know how to be a "good wife". My husband's family thinks the same way; his mother's generation never expected men to wake up with their babies or change diapers. If a woman cannot cook in his family, they are looked upon with scorn. My husband's aunt asked me if I could cook when I went to visit once; it is important to her.

 

I would not have been interested in my husband, if he was a pig or couldn't cook or wash. I dated men in the past who had very dirty homes; one of them never cleaned. His mommy came and cleaned for him. This fool couldn't cook either and he wanted a woman to serve him while expecting her to pay her own way. No wonder he has no kids and never married at his age; who would put up with that nonsense? As I a single woman, I found that men who lived at home past 25 were often spoiled and couldn't do anything around the house.

 

My husband feels the most loved when I do something for him, whereas I like to be loved with touches and words. We are very good at speaking each other's love language.

Edited April 30, 2013 by Nyla

[Thegameoflife]

Nyla- you're an excellent example of the dynamic. You do it cause you want to take care of your husband. You're not a servant, but you're playing a role. A lot of marriages suck for the simple fact that people don't fall into roles. I love when my wife does things for me because I don't expect or need her to do anything for me. This makes a lot of guys feel loved. Women shouldn't be with ungrateful men.

[SensitiveTJ]

I see mostly women posting in this thread about stereotypically female domestic tasks, but men too can struggle with meeting gender expectations. Now, I was never close with my father growing up. He was a true workaholic and a rather closed-off person emotionally.

He worked 4 pm to 4 am every day for years. Weeks would go by without even seeing him.

 

My father is about as blue-collar as they come. He didn't finish high school, but began factory work as a welder. 25 years later, he is the chief inspector for a major defense subcontractor. You know the engines that power all those fighter planes? He builds those, and makes sure they are up to spec before they leave the factory. He has ENORMOUS knowledge about math, physics, chemistry, engineering, mechanics, metallurgy, etc. How much more manly can you get, lol?

 

Anyway, to make a long story short: my father has flat out REFUSED to teach me any of that "manly" stuff. He just won't do it. I have asked my father to teach me how to change the motor oil in a car 3 times, when I was 8, 15, and 24. Turned me down every time, and not in a nice way either. Whenever he was doing home repairs, he told me to leave the house so I couldn't watch. So I have to admit, I have no "manly" skills. I can't change a tire, jump a dead battery. I can't build anything, I can't fix anything. I am a very good cook though, haha.

 

Anyways...I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my father was thinking. I would have appreciated it, if he had shown more interest in teaching me.

[BetheButterfly]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

Before I married my husband, I didn't like to cook.

 

My husband cooks delicious food though and has taught me so much!!! I really appreciate that. He's also a health freak and has taught me a lot about eating veggies and fruits.

 

My Mom tried to teach me how to cook when I was young, but I was never interested.

 

I have always liked cleaning though. Some of my fights with one of my sisters was because she didn't like to clean and we shared a room.

 

I think domestic skills are important for both men and women, and am grateful that my husband is teaching me more and more things to cook and makes cooking with him and for him a fun experience!!!

[BetheButterfly]

My husband feels the most loved when I do something for him, whereas I like to be loved with touches and words. We are very good at speaking each other's love language.

 

 

Both my husband and I feel the most loved with touch. Our friends like to tease us cause we're always holding hands or touching each other. They say we're still honeymooners, which is true but I hope we are for life honeymooners then!!!

 

I think it's awesome that you know your husband's love language and he knows yours and y'all show your love for each other!!! :bunny:

[cocorico]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

My kids went to schools where all genders were taught to sew, to knit, to cook, to work with wood and such things. The school I went to back in the day taught girls needlework and home ec, and boys woodwork. I hated it and rebelled by refusing to learn anything. I only learned to cook when I lived on my own. My H is better at most domestic things than I am - he did all those chores in his previous M, alone, whereas I always insisted my kids had chores since they were small.

[Els]

I think in this era, they matter for most people.

 

Most women I know wouldn't be with a guy who had no idea how to do a load of laundry or wash the dishes or fix himself a simple meal. And vice versa. Most people learn how to do all that when they move out to college, in fact, so it isn't usually a problem.

 

Regardless of who does what in actual fact (which may be related to choice and circumstances), I think it's pretty important for both people to know basic living/maintenance skills.

[Nyla]

My kids went to schools where all genders were taught to sew, to knit, to cook, to work with wood and such things. The school I went to back in the day taught girls needlework and home ec, and boys woodwork. I hated it and rebelled by refusing to learn anything. I only learned to cook when I lived on my own. My H is better at most domestic things than I am - he did all those chores in his previous M, alone, whereas I always insisted my kids had chores since they were small.

 

I rebelled against being kept home doing chores and standing in the kitchen all the time. The more my family pushed, the less I did. I resented having no freedom yet being tasked with most of the housework.

 

I used to be disappointed that my mother didn't empower me to want more than that as a woman, but now I realize that she is simply a product of her generation and she isn't educated. My mom just didn't know any better.

[Els]

I rebelled against being kept home doing chores and standing in the kitchen all the time. The more my family pushed, the less I did. I resented having no freedom yet being tasked with most of the housework.

 

I used to be disappointed that my mother didn't empower me to want more than that as a woman, but now I realize that she is simply a product of her generation and she isn't educated. My mom just didn't know any better.

 

Yep, this, exactly this. I only willingly learnt to cook after moving out of the house - I am fine with taking care of myself like an adult with adult freedoms, but not the other way around.

 

Sadly some girls even of MY generation (I'm mid-twenties) defend this style of parenting. I recall once when I was in high school, a girlfriend of mine was complaining about how her sister did not help her with any of the house chores. Given that she had two brothers, I asked her, "What about your brothers?" She answered evasively, "Well, you can't expect boys to do that sort of stuff, right?" My thought was... why not?

 

Housework sucks, for most of us. It's a very rare person that actually enjoys it. But someone's gotta do it. It's okay for that person to be the woman if she is, for example, working less than the man or is a stay-at-home mom. She shouldn't be expected to do it solely BECAUSE she is a woman, though.

 

If I ever have kids (big if), they will all learn to do everything. My daughters aren't going to be finding geeks in college to fix their computers for them, and my sons aren't going to be expecting their girlfriends to do their laundry for them.

[Phoe]

I'm proud of my abilities, and the fact that I learned them mostly by myself.

 

My mom does not know how to cook, and does not clean. She goes to work, while my dad stays at home. He does not cook or clean either. He is just a stay out home husband. I honestly don't know how she tolerates it, but hey, not my issue...

 

Despite no one in my family knowing how to cook or clean, I've always kind of ENJOYED cleaning. I love organizing, I take pride in keeping my place tidy and nice, but I don't get uppity with people about it. If someone tracks mud in with their shoes? Meh. I'll clean it later. Someone spills something? Ehh.. no biggie. I don't mind keeping things clean so it doesn't bug me when something gets dirty.

 

Cooking is something I taught myself and I really have developed a knack for it. Spices and Herbs and Sauces are something I really love experimenting with to get different flavors.

 

I'm also super handy. I taught myself how to do all kinds of repairs around the house. I know how to use all kinds of tools. I can build and fix things without a fuss, and I'm good with my car.

 

I'm basically 100% self sufficient.

 

lol, at work the other day I was mounting a 60 inch TV up on the wall, and one of my coworkers was absolutely flabbergasted. He said "You know how to mount a TV?!! You can lift that by yourself?!?!? You know what those tools in the toolbox are for?!?!" I smiled and nodded, and carried on with mounting the thing. lol.

 

I've been told by people that being so self-sufficient and capable is a bad thing for attracting men, that men like being "needed", that they want to "help the damsel in distress" and that if I don't have things that I just can't do on my own then he doesn't feel like he is useful. Which to me sounds like CRAP... but it's what I've been told

[Nyla]

This works both ways. I never had to take out the garbage or shovel snow until I moved out on my own. My parents felt those were boys chores. Consequently, I cannot hammer a nail without hammering my finger. I do not put furniture together either.

 

My brothers were taught how to cook and clean as well, but not so aggressively. They were also allowed to stay out later and start dating earlier.

 

When I moved out at 21, it was viewed as a huge disgrace. I was supposed to stay home until marriage. My husband would not have been interested in me if I stayed the naive little girl my parents wanted me to be.

[Silly_Girl]

My boss or rather ex-boss because I left yesterday is a nob. He caused his wife to leave him yet again, then came in one Monday bragging he'd spent the weekend doing 'women's chores'.

 

Myhead spun round quicker than the Exorcist girl's. I asked him what they were and he included laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping and he now knew how to use the washing machine and tumble dryer. I laughed in his face and told him that at his age (54) he should be able to do those things and it's not about gender, it's called BEING A GROWN-UP.

 

The household, to me, is about inputs and outputs. Certain things simply have to be done. When you live alone, you do them; when you live with a partner you find the best way to share them so that the overall obligations are met. We share our day to day stuff as it suits us best and I pay someone to do the 'deep cleaning', so to speak.

[LittleTiger]

I'm a fully paid up member of the 'absolutely hate cooking brigade'. I eat mostly fresh stuff that doesn't need any cooking - like salads, fruit, raw veg, nuts, yoghurts etc

 

I can cook if I have to but it bores me stupid! I'm not a big fan of cleaning either but I'm not a slob so I keep my house tidy.

 

Domestic goddess I most definitely am not and never will be!

 

I can honestly say that I never met a man who was bothered by it although it has often been a source of great amusement. My ex-husband wasn't domesticated either but we muddled through.

 

My fiancé loves cooking which is pretty handy - especially if he wants a hot meal.

He says I have other 'skills' and 'talents' that more than make up for my culinary phobia!

 

So, no, I don't think domestic skills matter much these days.

[Alma Mobley]

And silly as it sounds, my step-son resolutely refused, for 8 years, to eat my mashed potatoes, because of how revolting his mother's own cooking is.

He's difficult to feed anyway....to say he's a picky eater, is an understatement.

 

Then, one day, while I prepared dinner for his dad (my H) I finally persuaded him to pluck up the courage to taste it.

 

The look on his face, said it all.

"Jeezusphukkdamnalmighty, what have I been missing all these years?"

May I please have your recipe for mashed potatoes?

[carhill]

Making myself a Spanish omelette this morning for breakfast reminded me of how that came to be in existence; I never ate such food but my exW enjoyed egg dishes for breakfast so I learned how to fix them and find a variety to avoid repetitive meals. She was busy getting ready for work and I'd cook breakfast, either on a break from my early schedule in the shop or before heading out. She occasionally would express appreciation for those 'domestic skills'. Myself, I just thought them part and parcel of living and generally why I have no issues living alone, moving from one 'skill' to the next, and admire the same in a woman.

[Sarabi]

A colleague of mine is always complaining(every single shift, to everyone who will listen) that his wife can't cook and he is getting fat because he eats takeaways and that he can't believe she can't cook, won't cook, can't do anything etc. etc. etc.

They got married maybe two months ago..?

They met (or rather were introduced) in November.

 

I suppose domestic skills might matter depending upon your motivation to marry or who you marry but until you are in the situation you might not know I don't particularly want to be housewife Betty. I do not see it as my duty to cook and clean every day...if I had a man I would want to share the duties. After all, he had a life before me...he must have learned to cook/clean a little for himself.

 

However if your student visa has run out and to stay in the country you need to marry for papers (as above) then I suppose domestic skills are the least of your worries

[LovelyLife]

My husband's number one reason for trying to get ME to pick him? He liked and likes the way I make him feel.

 

 

But - we met at 36 and 40 when we both had our first million in the bank. So we could just hire maids or cooks if we are both incompetent! LOL!

 

 

But - I love love love to cook. Love it - it relaxes me. I'm a neat freak but I have someone into our place once a week because it's just easier and leaves us more time to play on the weekends.

[ForeverHopeful1]

We have gender specific roles in my home. I do not wait on my (fully capable) husband and he is more than willing and able to clean, cook, sew, vacuum, etc. I am capable doing things like changing my oil, changing certain car parts myself (alternator, battery, change a flay tire,) mow the lawn, fixing things around the house using power tolls, heavy lifting, etc.

 

I like cooking and cleaning and taking care of my husband. He likes doing "man stuff." Lol.

 

So I believe that we are both capable and willing to do what needs doing but we tend to stick to gender specific roles. It works for us and we both enjoy our roles in the home.

 

I can do things like change my oil. My husband feels he is doing his manly duty by doing this stuff so I'm not complaining.

[Seductive]

I think they should matter for both genders, because those skills help save you money (cooking and not eating out all of the time) and keep your standard of living hygienic (knowing how to keep things clean).

 

Surprisingly, my parents didn't teach me how to cook and clean when growing up. They wanted to do everything for me, and they didn't want me to be independent. In my 20's, I started to look at youtube videos and experimented. My ex didn't let me cook, because he thought I was feeling too insecure about it. He used to say "You're not some housewife. You obsess way too much over cooking." I want to improve my cooking skills to not only take care of myself, but my future partner and family. Not to mention that eating out all of the time drains your bank account!

[2sure]

I have always had a demanding professional job. I like my man to help but I prefer the majority of running the household myself. I just do.