Do domestic skills still matter?

[Nyla]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

[eleanorrigby]

I think they should matter, I'm frustrated that all the older women in my family know how to sew, but my generation was born and no one passed the knowledge down.

 

There are a dozen other things that my grandmother's mom and aunts could do that no one taught me.

 

I can cook now, but it took me the first 10 years of my marriage to learn how to do it well. lol I wish my mom had made me sit in the kitchen and learn something instead of shooing me out.

 

(I know I could go and learn all these things on my own, but it's like learning a language. IMO, you never learn it as well past a certain age)

[TaraMaiden]

I think they should matter, I'm frustrated that all the older women in my family know how to sew, but my generation was born and no one passed the knowledge down.

 

There are a dozen other things that my grandmother's mom and aunts could do that no one taught me.

 

I can cook now, but it took me the first 10 years of my marriage to learn how to do it well. lol I wish my mom had made me sit in the kitchen and learn something instead of shooing me out.

 

(I know I could go and learn all these things on my own, but it's like learning a language. IMO, you never learn it as well past a certain age)

 

Oh wow, eleanor, I'm so sorry....

I grew up in a tight-knit family, and I remember sitting in my Grandma's kitchen, watching her every move.... making fresh pasta, plucking, gutting and cleaning a chicken, and using all the giblets and 'spare bits' to create the most delicious broth.... I remember my mother teaching me how to clean a fish, how to make mayonnaise, how to create the most superb Italian dishes....

I learnt from our neighbours, in my teens, the making of a good, proper, authentic Indian curry.... I studied Japanese cuisine and love the intiecacies involved in creating simple, nutritious elegant dishes.....

 

I love to cook, to create, to serve up the best food I can muster....

I have extremely eclectic tastes and am able to appreciate an exquisite luxurious dish, which may cost the earth, or settle just as well for some spaghetti with olive oil, garlic and a dash of fresh chopped chilli.....

 

My ex-H once said to my current H, "Well at least you've inherited a good cook"!

 

I felt insulted, in a way, that after 26 years, this was the best thing he could find to say about me - but then again, I know what satisfaction it brings my family and guests to sit down to a really good, well-prepared meal.

 

I speak 3 languages - again, thanks to the dilligence and consideration of two forward-thinking parents.

I don't ever consider myself to have 'learnt' languages - they all came naturally to me.

And silly as it sounds, my step-son resolutely refused, for 8 years, to eat my mashed potatoes, because of how revolting his mother's own cooking is.

He's difficult to feed anyway....to say he's a picky eater, is an understatement.

 

Then, one day, while I prepared dinner for his dad (my H) I finally persuaded him to pluck up the courage to taste it.

 

The look on his face, said it all.

"Jeezusphukkdamnalmighty, what have I been missing all these years?"

 

The last time he had dinner with us, I made a pie, and served it with mash and buttered sweetcorn.

 

He left a little of the pie, and a few bits of sweetcorn.

The mash was all gone.

 

That was a compliment....

[eleanorrigby]

I speak 3 languages - again, thanks to the dilligence and consideration of two forward-thinking parents.

I don't ever consider myself to have 'learnt' languages - they all came naturally to me.

 

*nods head* Another one of my birthrights that I feel I lost out on.

My grandparents were all from New Orleans and spoke French, but only amongst themselves. They didn't speak it to their kids.

 

Ticks me off, I could have been bilingual.

[dichotomy]

I can do it all - from lawn care, gardening, home repair, cooking, dishes, laundry including ironing, and cleaning. I was raised by a single mom. I have also been a single home owner for periods of my life.

 

That said, I appreciate a woman who has a strong commitment to sharing domestic work and home care and takes pride in those things. It matters not to me who does what - as long as there is a domestic partnership and each enjoys their part of the domestic duties. But of course I would would find it attractive if a woman enjoyed cooking for me regularly.

Edited April 28, 2013 by dichotomy

[Pyro]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

Cooking was never a deal breaker for me. That is something that can be easily learned IMO because I myself have been learning to more and more.

 

Cleaning OTOH is a must. I would be turned off by a slob/messy person.

[carhill]

What do you think?

 

A woman who can be a general in the kitchen and the admiral of the house is someone I don't mind serving or loving. An involved leader is attractive. Men and women lead with their strengths. In my marriage, my exW and I tended to work side-by-side in such matters, but I accepted her lead where her strengths lay, and learned a lot.

[tbf]

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

All my female close friends are in, were in or are going back to professional careers. Most are married with kids or in a long-term relationship.

 

As far as domestic skills, they're no-brainers. Anyone can teach themselves these skills. Don't like to eat boring food, learn how to cook. Don't like a messy and dirty home, clean up. It ain't rocket science.

Edited April 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Silly_Girl]

I was shown very little by my parents, I observed but was not taught.

 

I can do a lot of things adequately, from cooking, to wallpapering, to sewing, to gardening, to the finances. I believe every grown-up of either gender should be expected to have a basic set of skills, although we each have areas of weakness.

[Minnie09]

I think in American society the female is still regarded as the homemaker, even if she works 40+ hours and makes enough/more money. Kinda backwards. I've lived in northern Europe before and know many Europeans, and nobody there who is 20/30/40/50 expects the woman to do most of the chores. They both do them. Whoever feels like it does the dishes. Whoever is hungry cooks. Unless one is the designated homemaker (male or female) and the other one is the breadwinner. Here I see the difference every day. Man and woman both work, but she gets the "what's for dinner" phone call while she's preparing for her next business meeting. She's also the one who organizes kids summer camps and babysitters. Yes, I do think that in our society which is considered very modern and western (why I don't know), good household skills are very important feature for a woman who wants to get married, even of she's a doctor and works day and night. It's a fact and it's not fair. Very backwards. I'm not complaining complaining, because everyone can make HER own choice, and nobody says she has to get married to a traditional guy, but that are the guys that are on the market. The forward thinkers are rare.

[HokeyReligions]

I wonder that too. I've been through several housekeepers and maid services looking for a person to do the kind of housekeeping I used to be able to do before my health got so bad. "Under" doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary.

[Feelin Frisky]

I can't speak for other men but it does matter. Actually, my eating disorder rules so I have a special need for someone NOT to be all into cooking for pleasure. I'd probably be best with someone else who has food issues and works with me so that we don't become a dysfunctional pair of enabling lard-asses. Cleaning is of course important and a woman who makes it a routine is a valuable commodity. My first LTR g/f turned out to be a great home-maker. She would always do things like moving the furniture around and making our place look different when I would be away for a bit. I appreciated that very much. And she was good at making something out of nothing to eat when we hadn't grocery shopped for a while.

[Nyla]

I think most men have traditional values deep down, they just don't admit it because it may make them seem sexist. If most men had modern values, so many women wouldn't be complaining that they do all the housework and childrearing.

 

The only reason I do most of the housework is I work part time and attend college part time. My husband works full time and he is bringing home all the bacon until I finish college and find work in my field. I feel that since I do not contribute financially, I should contribute in a different way. My husband will still do laundry or cook if I am very busy with other chores or studying. Today I was cooking and he washed all the clothes. When I am working full time again, the housework will be divided more evenly.

 

I love the way my husband shows his appreciation for what I do around the house. He doesn't take me for granted and he says that I make his life easier. My husband enjoys coming home to dinner, a clean home and a "sexy wife" as he lovingly refers to me.

[Feelin Frisky]

It's great to work together. We both worked. She would straighten up the place and I'd go to the laundromat or vice versa. Nobody was anyone else's servant (or we were both dutiful servants to each other). Bliss.

[Silly_Girl]

I think most men have traditional values deep down, they just don't admit it because it may make them seem sexist. If most men had modern values, so many women wouldn't be complaining that they do all the housework and childrearing.

 

 

I have lived with three men. The first was definitely total teamwork, what one couldn't do the other did and vice versa, never any chore-based arguments etc.

 

The second was 'officially' a team player but I was the grown-up so even if we shared things, I was the driver; I would identify a need for things to be done and then we'd do them. I wanted it to be more even, though.

 

In my current relationship my man's a feminist, and a team player. He cooks a lot more than I do and does the grocery shopping. I work slightly longer hours and also all the finances and more of our wedding prep than he does.

 

I see guys a generation older than me and their expectations are what I would term sexist/traditional. Otherwise it seems that things have moved on as they should have, and on the whole it's very equal.

[HokeyReligions]

I don't think any roles are sexist if both parties agree and are happy. IMO men kill the bugs and women vacuum.

[Radu]

I'm ok with cooking, and i know how to do laundry ok-ish ... don't have a washing machine here though, so i have to commute my laundry.

I hate cleaning though, with a passion.

 

I don't like to do either though, and when living alone i will do them only when they need to be done.

 

I think i need a general/admiral, even if it is to just say when things need to be done, and one that will understand that she is not nagging me when she starts organizing things around and wants me to help.

[Lillyfree]

i've grown up with my grandmother, who was an amazing cook and a model housewife - not to say she was 'serving' my grandfather, she was actually the head of the household

 

she taught me a lot, and her philosophy was: 'one day you will have your own house. whether you live in it by yourself, or with your husband, or boyfriend (she was pretty liberal) you need to make sure you are proud of it. and you need to know how to cook, for yourself and if you eventually marry. or you can get a cleaner and a cook, but there's no joy in that'

 

i've learned to love cooking from her. and there's no greater enjoyment than when my family sits there after a meal with full bellies, telling me i'm the greatest cook in the world

[Emilia]

Similar views with Pyro and tbf. I like clean and tidy so it's a no-brainer - though when two professionals both work paying for a cleaner is not a big deal in my opinion. You still want to keep the place nice between big cleans though.

 

I like men that cook and I used to be lazy and rely on them in the past Nowdays I enjoy it and like sharing it. I think both should be good at household chores. Who wants a slob?

[USMCHokie]

I feel have superior domestic skills as I've never lived with a significant other and have always taken care of myself with the cookin' and cleanin'. Given my slight hints of OCD, I might prefer that she was not domestically inclined so that she wouldn't f*ck things up...

[Got it]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

My siblings and I were taught the same skills regardless of gender. So yes while it is LOVELY to have a partner, male or female that is good at cooking, cleaning, etc. I don't know too many men who stake everything on that. I know a number of women who can't cook worth a dime and are happily married/ in a relationship.

 

I also think that your analogy on whom a woman is with, also comes down to whom she is interested in. Most women/men look for someone compatible in interests, education, etc. So I would not be interested in a man that isn't similar. I do very well career/financially. I don't care how much my male counterpart makes but I would have little long term interested in a man that wasn't of equal or greater education, experience, drive, and interests.

 

My husband, actually my ex husband as well, enjoyed that I love to and pretty good at baking. I hate cleaning and do as little as possible (I hire someone).

[Got it]

i've grown up with my grandmother, who was an amazing cook and a model housewife - not to say she was 'serving' my grandfather, she was actually the head of the household

 

she taught me a lot, and her philosophy was: 'one day you will have your own house. whether you live in it by yourself, or with your husband, or boyfriend (she was pretty liberal) you need to make sure you are proud of it. and you need to know how to cook, for yourself and if you eventually marry. or you can get a cleaner and a cook, but there's no joy in that'

 

i've learned to love cooking from her. and there's no greater enjoyment than when my family sits there after a meal with full bellies, telling me i'm the greatest cook in the world

 

I agree on the cooking.

 

I am still looking for that joy in cleaning. NEVER come across it or felt less of it if someone else cleaned. Actually that is a lovely feeling, clean house and I didn't have to do it!

[tbf]

Similar views with Pyro and tbf. I like clean and tidy so it's a no-brainer - though when two professionals both work paying for a cleaner is not a big deal in my opinion. You still want to keep the place nice between big cleans though.

 

I like men that cook and I used to be lazy and rely on them in the past Nowdays I enjoy it and like sharing it. I think both should be good at household chores. Who wants a slob?

The above is what we do. It's one more thing that we don't have to fight, where cost in relation to stressing the relationship, isn't worth the wear and tear on our marriage. I strongly encourage any dual working couple to consider domestic help, even if it's only four times a month to help tide you over.

 

You see highly stressed couples all the time, both working, bickering over who's responsible for or who's failed to do chores. Add in the stress of having a child or children, who not only mess up your home ever more but also require your time and energy, and it's not surprising that marriages unravel.

 

If you can afford it, be kinder to yourself. Admit that you're not super-people and need help. Money can always be re-earned but trying to put a humpty-dumpty marriage back together again, is a slippery slope for most.

[Eggplant]

I want it all. I'm an engineer, career-oriented woman. I want the exciting career. And I also absolutely want to cook and clean for my man. I want to take care of him. And I want 8 hours of sleep. We'll see how it goes...

[MissBee]

Do men still search for women with domestic skills, such as cooking and cleaning?

 

I hear so many men say that they would never marry a woman who couldn't cook or clean. Even though we are not in 1940, I suppose some things never change.

 

It reminds me of the way women with successful careers rarely end up with men, who do not have greater or similar income or education levels. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have never seen a lawyer end up with a welder.

 

I know my husband appreciates my domestic skills, despite the fact that he can do those things himself. I was groomed to be a good wife who could maintain her household, from the time I was only ten. I resented being told that this was my job as a woman, though I am glad I was taught. I think that sons and daughters should be taught how to cook because most women don't want men who expect to be served every minute.

 

What do you think?

 

Some people are more traditional than others and those expectations matter to them more than others.

 

I am not going to raise my children with the idea that it's a woman's job to cook and clean while men are waited on hand and foot. They will BOTH be self-sufficient.

 

I cook and clean and can embody the traditional roles of a woman easily, but am also independent, career-minded etc. I have known women who have married partners who are less educated than they are or even make less money.

 

I like to keep house and I love to cook and take care of the ones I love. Friends and family included and often host dinner parties and like making people comfy and well-fed . However, I would NEVER date a man who felt it was "my job" and took me/it for granted. I have also been spoiled with my last ex being a phenomenal cook (although he was very messy) so would like that in a man. It is not a MUST, but a nice plus. I admire men whose homes are clean and who can cook, do laundry and behave like independent adults, not ones who run from mom's arms to gf-mommy/wife-mommy who all but wipes their butts for them.