irc333 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I have met a few women, spoken with them....and considering Meetup is a good conglomeration of people with common interests....there's something to be said about dating within Meetup. I have this one female friend, she's single, available...had a good amount of guys in the group try to ask her out...and she simply isn't attracted to the idea because she had an experience that when she joined the group with her "at then" boyfriend as a couple.....they eventually broke up. But, he started dating other women in the group...of course she was still attending the same group and when men asked her out...she'd always ask them, "What women in this group have you been with?" Apparently, that was her #1 question when men asked her out, if she finds out if some guy has been with "Julie" and "Angie" in the same group, it's a turn off for her, because she'll be always be thinking of those two women....ESP. if they continue to go to the events. This is an interesting take, because she's not doing herself any good by using that as an excuse either. With that perspective, what do you think, do you think that excluding dating people within the same social circle due to having been with OTHERS in the group is a turn off for you? I think it's a turn off for more women so than men.
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I would say so, definitely. It's a pretty common mistake, because the pressure of meeting someone is eased off a bit when you've already gotten to know someone through mutual friends. Plus you can pick up on even more information Problem is, when things go awry (and ohmygod they eventually will), things get awkward within said group, they have to organize things around the former couple, "dirty laundry" gets aired out, etc. I live in what is a large town geographically, yet it seems like everyone who's near my age manages to know everyone else in this demographic. It's almost impossible to meet someone and not have mutual acquaintances. It makes things quite difficult, especially when certain embarassing or shameful secrets are let out. You can't help but think "how much does this person already know about me?" That's not to say that good relationships can't spawn from dating within the social circle, but the risk is frightfully high. It's preferable to avoid getting into that sort of thing unless you're really careful.
MissBee Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I don't date within social circles as a rule. Far too awkward. My life has always been easier in that regard in comparison to those I know who do, and then have to rearrange their lives when they split, because they run in the same circle. In a rare instance where I just MUST date this person, then I'd do it. But for me, I have never and don't really like the idea. When I have seen it done it's usually bizarre to me or filled with drama, so that doesn't help. I stopped dating a guy once because he had a social circle in which he had slept with most of his female "friends" and most people had dated each other or were currently having affairs with other people in the circle. It felt like some weird cult and I didn't want any part of it. Lol of course, this is an extreme. But just saying.
Author irc333 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I don't date within social circles as a rule. But what if this was pretty much your only means of meeting and having any kind of dating life, which is usually the MOST common way to meet people actually.
MissBee Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 But what if this was pretty much your only means of meeting and having any kind of dating life, which is usually the MOST common way to meet people actually. That isn't the case for me though. And obviously, the question you proposed gives me no options. If it was my only means of meeting people then I'd have no choice but to do it right? But it's not, so I don't. How is it possible, unless you live on a deserted island, and are part of the Gilligan's Island crew, that the only people you can meet/date are people you already know? I have a social circle but the people I've dated, I have met them on trains, at parties,online, at a coffee shop etc. Yes, I have met people within a network, where they are loosely connected to other people I know or I meet them through some activity/organization I'm part of, that's normal esp in what I do, as we go to conferences a lot and people generally have heard of each other, but it's a very different thing than running in the same social circle.
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